just hearing a cry...

[artbarsnstripes]

I hope this entry gets to whom i intended to write this for, everyone else, this might be an insight about who i really am. Lately everything around me has changed faster than i can handle. Friends, Family, Jobs, Weather, everything. Change is good, but not good if you're intending to go for something. I'm in the middle. Friends are turning either for the good or the worse. And working with what you have left, really leaves you with no other options. I only have 4 good friends, but it seems that those numbers are constantly changing, but will always be those 4. The position i am at right now really leaves me no way of meeting new people, and its difficult. For some odd reason, everyone here in Clairemont knows everyone else, and the notion sets in. Typical Clairemonsters, the reason i am left with what i have now, and what i so much to avoid and somehow accomplishing. It's every night, either getting trashed or baked, it became old, FAST. And it seemed to be that way for the past 3 years. Within these 3 years, "Friends" come and go, fake, maskes of someone who gives you that self gratification that they have some of them, caring about what you are and who you are about. Lies. Difficult to say that i've been through this soo many times, but thats different when it comes to someone you get close to. That hurts the most. You are right, it's hard to find true friends, something original, something you'd never expect, to blossom into this relationship of trust, friendship & happiness. I'd look for someone who i'd thought was at my level, ha, not even close. I'm realizing that theres no time for that. I want to have fun, and to share that same experience with someone new. But i know its difficult to open up to someone new, the hurting, the relapse of what we've all gone through losing someone you let so close to you tear away. you'll see something special, you feel that lax moment. if you believe in that moment, then you'll know that something amazing might come of it. I have nothing to lose, so i'm optimistic about faith, i am open to anyone who seems to have even the smallest interest to me, while i'll learn about them too. it's all experience, it's moments that will unleash something new. I'm looking for a close friend, some one who understands me, whos in that mental level, to hold on to in times of need. i've gone this far without one, i'm not sure what the future brings, but i'll like to change that. i'm not desperate, i want all this to fall into place without plan, to see how it will really become without influence. fate, i don't believe it, but its something that keeps me thinking whether its real or not. more than anything, i want to believe. and this could be one of them.
David S.