(no subject)
the thing about not being in school anymore is there's less time to think. I mean, there's less time to do everything, but, because of that, knowing what the fuck I'm doing gets pushed into the background just a little bit more, and it's allright. Allright in the way that being a zombie that makes things is. and then stepping back and laughing. So. the moral of this story is that when you are not feeling confident, proceede as if you are, unless of course you are dealing with any kind of military power. And, make the best of what little shreds of your mind you have left. they will get you somewhere! It isn't being a zombie really I'm just not thinking in words so much. other ways; it makes communicating difficult. And figuring out how to navigate little shreds.
I got a job in a bakery decorating cookies. Which rules because I'm fucking decorating cookies all day, but doesn't rule because squeezing bags of icing for hours hurts my hands. but then I'm looking at a tray of festively decorated turkey cookies. like a flock of them. and pumpkins and leaves and acorns and zebras, and indians, and dog cookies, after the day I made dog cookies I kept drawing pictures of them on my own, because I had learned how. and I'm almost the only one there who doesn't speak spanish, and I try to understand but only little pieces, and feel like a minority--up until this point I've just been working with/for artists mostly, which means spending time alone and also dealing with people who are a bit awkward/generally conduct themselves in ways that feel familiar to me, and it's good to get out of that sort of environment for a bit. Still working for Karl Jensen though, and that way of working as well as the cookie job is creeping it's way into the things I do when I get home. or rather, and weirder I think, I was drawing pictures of acorns *before* it was my job to make acorn cookies. But I guess that's fall for you. and living in a magic unicorn infested fairy wonderland. gosh. I almost forgot to tell you Ive been thinking about unicorns kind of a lot, but that isn't really anything new.
Lately in general I've been meeting people who don't seem to be very shy at all, and it surprises me.
oh. and I haven't gotten any mail at all since I moved here, despite the fact that ive been expecting several things that are important to me for a spectrum of reasons, personal reasons and financial reasons and wtf! where is my mail going? I don't understand it.
I got a job in a bakery decorating cookies. Which rules because I'm fucking decorating cookies all day, but doesn't rule because squeezing bags of icing for hours hurts my hands. but then I'm looking at a tray of festively decorated turkey cookies. like a flock of them. and pumpkins and leaves and acorns and zebras, and indians, and dog cookies, after the day I made dog cookies I kept drawing pictures of them on my own, because I had learned how. and I'm almost the only one there who doesn't speak spanish, and I try to understand but only little pieces, and feel like a minority--up until this point I've just been working with/for artists mostly, which means spending time alone and also dealing with people who are a bit awkward/generally conduct themselves in ways that feel familiar to me, and it's good to get out of that sort of environment for a bit. Still working for Karl Jensen though, and that way of working as well as the cookie job is creeping it's way into the things I do when I get home. or rather, and weirder I think, I was drawing pictures of acorns *before* it was my job to make acorn cookies. But I guess that's fall for you. and living in a magic unicorn infested fairy wonderland. gosh. I almost forgot to tell you Ive been thinking about unicorns kind of a lot, but that isn't really anything new.
Lately in general I've been meeting people who don't seem to be very shy at all, and it surprises me.
oh. and I haven't gotten any mail at all since I moved here, despite the fact that ive been expecting several things that are important to me for a spectrum of reasons, personal reasons and financial reasons and wtf! where is my mail going? I don't understand it.