(no subject)
Using the internet for the first time in a few days, and was hit by a bunch of kinds of messages that made me worry about not having a soul, or having a shrinking soul. I wish I was better at caring about people and being interested in people, I mean, the engaging parts of people are sometimes hard to get to and it can be easier to have fun alone. I tend to want human interaction not for it's own sake but just because i don't want to be lonely, a condition that to me seems to have little to do with being alone. Or rather, to grossly oversimpify things, I don't want friends I just don't want to be lonely. The way I proccess emotions can be pretty bizzare, unphased when I lose my wallet or am let go from a job (I have 2 now instead of 3; they ran out of money to pay me) but panicking because i really want pizza. Or, inside my head i will think i do not feel upset about something although my actions clearly indicate otherwise.
There were people who were good influences who I miss. I miss good influences. Not that there aren't others. I probably just need to ask people more questions, and remember not to assume that I am unwanted everywhere.
I have less time for making things now and it is very important to me that I keep making things and now as I'm writing it down, I wonder, should it be? This week I've been cat sitting and recording music in this person's empty house. Making little epic retarded songs with garageband, and talking to this woman's cats sometimes. I like cats, I miss my parent's cat. but I'm glad I don't live there, certainly.
So, there is going to work and there is making things, and then where does one find time to take in information as well? That third thing is the one I naturally have trouble with. Looking up from little retarded epic garageband songs and remembering that my life is so much smaller than the world. And there is the radio and there are books on tape and there is youtube, and looking at people on the train, and in the elevator at work, and sometimes having conversations, and sometimes my roomates saying lets go watch the band that just borrowed jessis caepo and is playing across the street, which is good because I didn't know how to end this post otherwise
There were people who were good influences who I miss. I miss good influences. Not that there aren't others. I probably just need to ask people more questions, and remember not to assume that I am unwanted everywhere.
I have less time for making things now and it is very important to me that I keep making things and now as I'm writing it down, I wonder, should it be? This week I've been cat sitting and recording music in this person's empty house. Making little epic retarded songs with garageband, and talking to this woman's cats sometimes. I like cats, I miss my parent's cat. but I'm glad I don't live there, certainly.
So, there is going to work and there is making things, and then where does one find time to take in information as well? That third thing is the one I naturally have trouble with. Looking up from little retarded epic garageband songs and remembering that my life is so much smaller than the world. And there is the radio and there are books on tape and there is youtube, and looking at people on the train, and in the elevator at work, and sometimes having conversations, and sometimes my roomates saying lets go watch the band that just borrowed jessis caepo and is playing across the street, which is good because I didn't know how to end this post otherwise