(no subject)
Theo: >.> marry me
Firiel: You're not serious are you?
Theo: as much as I ever am.
Firiel: Why?
Theo: I don't know. I mean, you put up with Frealaf and Arvedui. I should be like a gift from Eru
Firiel: Yes, but... why me?
Theo: you're here. I'm not actually attracted to you or anything
Firiel: *nod* But you want to get married?
Theo: totally
Firiel: What brought this on?
Theo: some bizarre urge to have something loyal in my life that I'm also extremely fond of
Firiel: Oh. *pets lightly* And you'll get that with marriage?
Theo: I dunno. It's just a mood. *plays with Firi's fingers*
Firiel: *hugs* You're unhappy?
Theo: just clingy
Firiel: *cuddles* You can cling, dear.
Theo: *clings* I mean, if I wasn't lying constantly to Artamir I wouldn't half-mind him. But there is that aspect
Firiel: *hugs tight and nods* I know. *frowns* I almost slipped talking to Arvedui today...
Theo: oh. I'mnotsureifthechatwillgetposted but I've caused him enough torment today he won't be considering anything about my real identity >.>
Firiel: Torment?
Theo: yeah. He passed out again. I was using him as an innocent pillow and ended up molested. It was quite distressing in a "I bet this counts as me raping him" sense.
Firiel: ...he molested you, but it would count as you raping him? O.o
Theo: he was kind of delirious.
Firiel: But how would his molesting you count as you raping him?
Theo: because I was in full control of my senses and he wasn't.
Firiel: Oh. And you let him molest you? I still don't understand...
Theo: well, I did until his hands did scary things and then I made him stop >.> anyway. good kisser.
Firiel: Yeees, yes he is. ¬.¬
Theo: ¬.¬ the fun part was where he wouldn't believe me and I demonstrated what he did. THEN he remembered and had a panic attack. So I got the rights to name the kid whatever I pleased.
Firiel: Well, that's one way to do it. *pets* He certainly is active in his sleep.
Theo: yes. Now, to make him do that while he's awake.
Firiel: Why would you make him do that while he's awake?
Theo: lack of morals
Firiel: ....please don't?
Theo: why?
Firiel: ....¬.¬ I'd just prefer if you didn't...
Theo: sorry, need a complete answer
Firiel: I love him and would prefer you didn't. Is that complete enough?
Theo: yes, it is.
Firiel: Will you stop, then?
Theo: Any active attempts. The last time was kind of him grabbing me before I had a chance to react
Firiel: *nods* Thank you. *hugs* It surprises me that he did those things in his sleep.
Theo: I got called a goddess first :D
Firiel: *smiles* That's always a plus.
Theo: *happy nuzzle* well, I did rather like him. but that doesn't mean much with me
Firiel: You like him?
Theo: yes.
Firiel: *pets* He likes you, too.
Theo: oh, good.
Firiel: He says you're acting much more ladylike now. Is that a good thing?
Theo: it's a him being delusional thing. I've gotten worse
Firiel: Oh good. *exhales* I was worried having to lie to them and be ladylike all the time was taking its toll on you...
Theo: I'm making them get used to my personality
Firiel: *nods* I'm glad it's not really changing you. Other than the physical.
Theo: well, I am developing a fondness for pretty dresses
Firiel: To wear? Pretty meaning more modest... ? As I've seen you wearing more modest clothing...
Theo: er, that's actually more of a weight gain thing
Firiel: Oh. *hugs* You look nice in these clothes. :)
Theo: two months, by my calculations btw >.>
Firiel: Seven left, then. *pets his hair* Not too long.
Theo: no, I meant two months *left*
Firiel: Oh. *nods* Not long at all. Does this make you happy?
Theo: yes. I'll try to visit as a guy once in a while.
Firiel: ...and you'll pretend not to know them?
Theo: yes.
Firiel: *cuddle* I'd love for you to visit, but you shouldn't pretend that...
Theo: I have it down to an art currently...
Firiel: Pretending?
Theo: yes
Firiel: You shouldn't have to, though. *frowns*
Theo: *nuzzle* you're wonderful. but I'm earning all sorts of punishments
Firiel: *frowns more* Like what?
Theo: *sighs*
Firiel: *touches his stomach lightly* Is this one of your punishments? Or are you referring to something else?
Theo: that's one.
Firiel: *pets gently*
Theo: new punishments as needed
Firiel: *sighs and hugs him* Perhaps you should have told them when you'd met again here...
Theo: should have.
Firiel: What is your plan when you have the child?
Theo: give it to Arvedui, give it a suitable name and then go
Firiel: will you tell them the truth?
Theo: *shakes his head* gotta wonder if Arvedui would want the kid if I did and I'm really not cut out to be as good a parent
Firiel: From what I can tell, you did a wonderful job with Theodred and his cousins. *cuddles*
Theo: when I was well over this age.
Firiel: Yes, but now you've had experience.
Theo: ...no, not really. I've forgotten most of it.
Firiel: They come back to you when you're put in the situation. *pets*
Theo: still trust Arvedui more. ...so maybe after he's really attached to the kid
Firiel: I think perhaps he already is... what about Artamir? Will you tell him?
Theo: how hurt will he be?
Firiel: ...it's rather serious, isn't it... o.o
Theo: yes.
Firiel: *slight frown* He'll be hurt that you lied to him... I thought you weren't going to let him get attached....
Theo: I'm sorry.
Firiel: *hugs gently* We'll figure something out. He does need to know the truth, though...
Theo: does he *really*?
Firiel: *nods* Yes. Just as Arvedui does.
Theo: maybe I can make him hate me first
Firiel: How would you do that?
Theo: be myself
Firiel: You are not yourself around him?
Theo: I'm...nicer
Firiel: I thought that's because you liked him...
Theo: well, it is. >.>
Firiel: Oh. *sighs* I don't know if he'd hate you were you not so nice to him.
Theo: *sighs* the worst part is I can't justify this to myself
Firiel: You can't justify the lying?
Theo: correct
Firiel: What do you think is the worst thing that could happen if you told them the truth?
Theo: they'd hate me.
Firiel: Ah. *frowns* I see why you hesitate...
Theo: weird uncle theoden won't be such an odd role
Firiel: Except that you are its mother/father thing...
Theo: with no intention of following through
Firiel: You wouldn't like to?
Theo: no
Firiel: All right. *hugs* You don't want to tell them at all? Ever?
Theo: *shakes his head*
Firiel: You don't think they deserve to know?
Theo: they do...
Firiel: It might turn out better than you expect...
Theo: no it won't. I keep wanting to tell Artamir and then something interferes >.> sign from Eru
Firiel: What has interfered?
Theo: my short attention span, your mun logging off...
Firiel: I don't think either of those are a sign from Eru. Try again.
Theo: your mun logging off probably is
Firiel: Maybe, but unlikely. You should still keep trying..
Theo: fine. you're coming with me and we're telling Artamir.
Firiel: All right.
Theo: *seeks out Artamir*
Artamir: *sharpens his weapons*
Theo: ...ohbema.
Firiel: *holds Theo's hand* I'm here with you, Theo. He won't hurt you.
Theo: *holds Firi's hand tightly* um. Artamir.
Artamir: *looks up, smiles* Thea, Firi, how nice to see you. *puts his weapons aside* ... is something wrong?
Theo: ...I've been lying. To you.
Firiel: As have I... *squeezes Theo's hand*
Artamir: *slight frown, puzzled* You have?
Theo: *examines his feet* My name's Theoden.
Artamir: But how can that be? Theoden is a man's name.
Theo: next part of the confession...
Artamir: *raises a brow and looks at Theo*
Firiel: *whispers, rubs his back* Go on, Theo.
Theo: *lets go of Firi's hand and hugs himself* I'm Theoden. Former king of Rohan. I'm not Theodwyn.
Firiel: *watches them both carefully*
Artamir: *slightly wide-eyed* ...excuse me?
Theo: ...I turn into stuff. I don't like admitting that I'm not what I look like and the lie sort of ran away with me. *keeps looking down*
Artamir: *swallows and looks at Firi*
Firiel: *nods* He's telling the truth. *puts a hand on Theo's shoulder, trying to comfort him*
Artamir: I see. Things meaning you are generally a man and turn into a woman?
Theo: ...*tiny nod*
Artamir: And you lied about that... *runs a hand through his hair, sighing*
Theo: ...I did. And I haven't got a good excuse.
Artamir: *sighs* Well this certainly explains some things... it didn't occur to you to speak the truth earlier?
Theo: ...it did. I was scared.
Artamir: I see. Well, you can rest assured - I will not hurt you.
Theo: not what I was scared of.
Artamir: Then?
Theo: You hating me.
Artamir: Ah. I can tell you nothing at the moment, The-- *shakes his head*
Firiel: *rubs Theo's arm gently*
Theo: ...*nods* please don't tell Arvedui. That one isn't about my own cowardice
Artamir: What is that one about?
Theo: kid. Think Arvedui would be a good parent.
Artamir: He would. *sighs* All right, I won't mention it. Yet. But you will tell him. *closes his eyes* In the meantime, what do I refer to you as?
Theo: Theo or Thea works. *peers at his feet*
Artamir: Fine. *looks at Theo* ...is there anything else?
Theo: ...no. *miserable*
Artamir: *nods* Then if you'll excuse me, I have to work on this wraith problem. Firi, come see me later.
Firiel: *nods slightly*
Theo: *leaves*
Artamir: *gets back to sharpening his daggers with renewed vigor*
Firiel: *follows Theo, frowning* Are you all right, dear?
Theo: ...no.
Firiel: *nods slightly, still frowning* Is there anything I can do?
Theo: *shakes his head*
Firiel: *hugs him gently* Do you want me to leave you for a while?
Theo: >.> could I use you for clinging and silent angst instead?
Firiel: Of course, Theo. *pets his hair and holds him close*
Theo: stupid damn girlbody
Firiel: *cuddles* You couldn't help that, dear.
Theo: ...I was really rather liking him. And this is my own fault
Firiel: *softly* We all make mistakes.
Theo: >.<
Firiel: I'm sorry. *frowns* I'll just listen to you. *hugs* Vent at me, if you'd like.
Theo: can't vent. Artamir didn't do anything wrong. I'm the bad guy o.o
Firiel: *cuddles* Are there any thoughts you want to get out?
Theo: *shakes his head* go talk to your brother. I'm going to go...acquire alcohol with Theodred.
Firiel: *small nod* All right... be careful, Theo. *hugs him again* You know where I am if you need me, dear.
Theo: *nods and goes*
Firiel: *goes to Artamir to be "talked" to*
Theo: *returns from drinking binge with Theodred and hides under his blanket*
Firiel: *notices Theo coming back and enters his room quietly, sitting next to the bed*
Theo: he's such a good boy. In an insult me constantly way
Firiel: Theodred?
Theo: yes.
Firiel: Ah. He kept you company?
Theo: *nods* kept going on about how it was better this way
Firiel: Oh? *pets the blanket that is Theo lightly*
Theo: *curls up* how much does he hate me
Firiel: I'm not sure, Theo. When I went back to his room, he yelled at me for lying to him.
Theo: sorry I got you in trouble. ;_;
Firiel: *huddles close to the blanket, gently* It's all right, Theo.
Theo: *shakes head* I'm a coward and a liar and I made you lie too.
Firiel: Shh. It's all right, dear. It's over now. *pets gently*
Theo: ;_;
Firiel: I meant the having to lie part. o.o *hugs*
Theo: ...maybe I should talk to him.
Firiel: *nods* That might help.
Theo: *looks uncomfortable and goes to Artamir's room*
Artamir: *sits at the window, looking out, thoughtful*
Theo: hi. Want to hit me?
Artamir: *looks at the door and Theo* No, of course not. *sets his chin in a hand* Would you like to have a seat?
Theo: *sits* you could. If you wanted to. It takes a lot to cause me any serious harm, anyway.
Artamir: I'm not going to hit you, Theo.
Theo: *looks uncomfortable* I'm sorry I made Firiel go along with my lie.
Artamir: *also uncomfortable* That wasn't your fault. She has a mind. She could have used it and made a better choice.
Theo: ...I'm really sorry.
Artamir: *quietly* I know you're sorry. So am I.
Theo: o.o why are you sorry?
Artamir: For everything that's happened. It's hard not to care for and fall in love with the wom-- ... *shakes his head* Never mind.
Theo: ...was half tempted to never tell and just stay like this for good.
Artamir: Why would you stay in this form forever if your natural form is.... male?
Theo: ...fondness for things I got while like this.
Artamir: *raises an eyebrow* What do you mean?
Theo: *fiddles with his sleeve* you and Arvedui.
Artamir: I see. Which is why you hesitated in telling us? Me?
Theo: *nods* And Arvedui after he agreed to take the kid.
Artamir: Ah. I'm curious... why did you not tell us in the beginning?
Theo: embarrassment.
Artamir: Oh. Why are you ashamed of what you are?
Theo: Ever tried to explain to someone that you're usually a guy, but right now you're a girl?
Artamir: No. But I don't understand why you are ashamed of it, if it is out of your control. Which it is, right?
Theo: ...*nods*
Artamir: *slight nod* Then why does it embarrass you? It is still you underneath your form.
Theo: I get like this when I'm depressed.
Artamir: ...you mean... female...?
Theo: sometimes a ferret
Artamir: ....a ferret? As in the animal? o.o
Theo: yes. *covers his face*
Artamir: ....oh. *tries to imagine that* *fails* *watches Theo* You are depressed?
Theo: *nods*
Artamir: So when you cheer up, you will turn male again?
Theo: possibly
Artamir: Possibly?
Theo: never been like this so long
Artamir: You think you may stay like this forever?
Theo: Varda knows.
Artamir: *slight nod, stares at his hands*
Theo: *looks miserable*
Artamir: *awkward and uncomfortable* *clears his throat* Well. .... .... .... *shakes his head and stares at his hands more*
Theo: ...I'll just stay long enough to give the kid to Arvedui. I'm so sorry.
Artamir: *sighs, quietly* So am I, Thea, so am I.
Theo: I won't bother you any more. *sniffs*
Artamir: *nods slightly, not knowing what to say*
Theo: *sad and tiny*
Artamir: >.< *doesn't look at him*
Theo: ...;_;
Artamir: *sighs* Please don't cry, Thea.
Theo: ...sorry. *ducks head so that the hair covers his face*
Artamir: Thea... *pulls out his handkerchief and gives it to Theo, standing next to him and fidgeting slightly*
Theo: thanks. I'd run off but that seems rude and pointless >.>
Artamir: I agree. *sighs and kneels next to Theo, sincerely* Thank you for telling me the truth.
Theo: I am so not cut out for villaindom.
Artamir: All the better, I think. *looks at him sadly for a moment, then looks away* ....what now? *softly*
Theo: Varda knows. My original plan is still viable. Only without a note this time.
Artamir: You mean leaving?
Theo: *nod*
Artamir: *takes a deep breath* If that's what you want...
Theo: so you'll have peace of mind again soon enough.
Artamir: Perhaps... *pauses* What of the child?
Theo: leaving after I give it to Arvedui.
Artamir: *slight nod, rather unable to think of words at the moment*
Theo: *examines his hands*
Artamir: ...*quietly* What is it *you* want to do?
Theo: come up with a good solution.
Artamir: Do you have one in mind?
Theo: nope.
Artamir: Ah. ...you have... three months left?
Theo: two to three, yes
Artamir: *nods* All right... *fidgets*
Theo: I'll try to stay out of your way. I'm really sorry.
Artamir: I know. *runs a hand through his hair and looks at Theo* You should get some rest...
Theo: ...*nods* *goes to his and Rogue's room with the intention of staying there for the next few months*