(no subject)
Everything is coming out in a emo tidal wave. I have way too much to freak the fuck out about right now. Therefore, my eyes are leaking again. Ugh... I need a mechanic.
1) Tests. I have two huge math tests to worry about. Math is really hard for me and I can't afford to take the class again.
2) Money. I am so fucking poor right now. Ever since I had to take my cat to the vet I have been living paycheck to paycheck and I haven't even really bought anything.
3) Unresolved issues. I really wish Brody and I could be friends. We haven't exactly been on speaking terms. He and I definitely did not work out in a relationship, and I have no romantic feelings towards him, but I miss being his friend and knowing he doesn't hate me. Also him and I not talking has prevented me from hainging out with a lot of my other friends just because they are also friends. And considering nothing that bad happened between us, there's way too much drama going on.
4) Brian. I never really delt with this.
5) I don't deal well with my feelings. Pertaining to above and many other things lately. I never used to be someone who bottles up their emotions, but now I am and it SUCKS. I substitute dealing with negitive feelings with "being strong". This is not working.
6) The number one thing I am freaking out about: Max is going to Iraq. Can I just say holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. I know he's going to read this which makes me feel even lamer, but the fact of the matter is this: I will see Max for the first time in a year in July. And that might be the last time I see him. Just the thought of losing another friend right now... Words can't articulate it. But I am so scared. There are few things I fear more than really knowing one of my best friends in whole wide world will be in Iraq. I feel a lot of pressure from my group of friends, and really my political ideologies to just write off Max for being a marine and just say he's stupid for joining and deserves what he gets. But if anything proves life is not colored in black and white, this is it. Do I support the war in Iraq? Hell no. Do I support my friend for joining the marines because he felt it would be a life expirience he could gain nowhere else? Absolutely. And the fact I allow him to put me through this shit (even though I know its not personal, Max) says a lot about how much I care about him. And at the heart of the matter, this is why I hate the war. There's so much worry and pain that goes into it on a personal level.
... Fix me?
1) Tests. I have two huge math tests to worry about. Math is really hard for me and I can't afford to take the class again.
2) Money. I am so fucking poor right now. Ever since I had to take my cat to the vet I have been living paycheck to paycheck and I haven't even really bought anything.
3) Unresolved issues. I really wish Brody and I could be friends. We haven't exactly been on speaking terms. He and I definitely did not work out in a relationship, and I have no romantic feelings towards him, but I miss being his friend and knowing he doesn't hate me. Also him and I not talking has prevented me from hainging out with a lot of my other friends just because they are also friends. And considering nothing that bad happened between us, there's way too much drama going on.
4) Brian. I never really delt with this.
5) I don't deal well with my feelings. Pertaining to above and many other things lately. I never used to be someone who bottles up their emotions, but now I am and it SUCKS. I substitute dealing with negitive feelings with "being strong". This is not working.
6) The number one thing I am freaking out about: Max is going to Iraq. Can I just say holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. I know he's going to read this which makes me feel even lamer, but the fact of the matter is this: I will see Max for the first time in a year in July. And that might be the last time I see him. Just the thought of losing another friend right now... Words can't articulate it. But I am so scared. There are few things I fear more than really knowing one of my best friends in whole wide world will be in Iraq. I feel a lot of pressure from my group of friends, and really my political ideologies to just write off Max for being a marine and just say he's stupid for joining and deserves what he gets. But if anything proves life is not colored in black and white, this is it. Do I support the war in Iraq? Hell no. Do I support my friend for joining the marines because he felt it would be a life expirience he could gain nowhere else? Absolutely. And the fact I allow him to put me through this shit (even though I know its not personal, Max) says a lot about how much I care about him. And at the heart of the matter, this is why I hate the war. There's so much worry and pain that goes into it on a personal level.
... Fix me?