Your Hands Are Shaking Cold, Your Hands Are Mine to Hold
Title: Ways Of Understanding
Pairing: Kimi Räikkönen / Sebastian Vettel
Rating: Red Flag (PG-13)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction thus I am not claiming for any of this to have ever happened (though I won't exclude it either ;) ). No disrespect towards any of the parties is intended.
Summary: In general, Kimi found himself not caring too much. Except for when it came to one certain Sebastian Vettel.
Beta: the very kind fanged_angel
Annotations:
Uno: I was too lazy to do proper research don't know how many motorcycles Kimi really owns.
Dos: Translation to the German parts is to be found at the bottom of the text.
Tres: No one wants to know what music genres I have gone through writing this anyway.
Let 'em Talk
Formula 1, or Motorsport in general, or for that matter, most of all professional sports leagues, were a dirty business of emotional twisting where private lives became public affairs when greed for profit, financial or of another kind, overcame all moral scrutiny.
As for the public life, Kimi Räikkönen tried to stay out of it as much as sponsoring contracts would allow him to. And for private matters, Kimi found himself not caring too much. When he did, he still preferred not to have an open discussion about it because it was his and noone else's business. That's how simple it was for Kimi Räikkönen.
In the rare times of severe distress, however, Kimi would much rather have sex with his boyfriend than talk about something he felt he couldn't change anyway. And while Sebastian was the best when it came to understanding what was on Kimi's mind without the Finn actually having to voice it, Sebastian, too, needed answers sometimes because even he would get tired of feeling like being on a trivia game.
'Warum kannst du nicht einfach sagen, was los ist?" was a typical exclamation of Sebastian's while Kimi's hands would insistently try to get under his shirt.
It was general knowledge that communication was not his greatest virtue and Kimi wondered whether it was a serious assumption of Sebastian that it would work better in a language which he could voice exactly two phrases in: Haben wir eigentlich das Geschenk mitgenommen and Wo ist der Bratapfel.
It was after the time Sebastian called him an introverted mushroom (in German, of course) and spent the rest of the night watching DVDs with Nico that Kimi decided enough was enough and, putting on his darkest sunglasses, went to buy a German-Finnish dictionary.
Whatever It Takes
„So, what have you planned for you and Sebastian tonight?“
It was a lazy afternoon in mid-February that Kimi had decided to spend with Heikki catching up on good old Finnish times - and that ended up mostly catching up on the latest beer brands.
„I was supposed to...have planned something?“
Pity filled Heikki's eyes in addition to the raised left eyebrow which Kimi interpreted as an indication of highest disbelief.
Kimi switched into defense mode. „How was I supposed to know? I never understood what's so special about it anyway.“
Heikki sighed heavily. „Well, didn't Sebastian imply anything? No hints, no indications?“
„No!“
Heikki's eyebrow rose a little higher.
Kimi went for the pout. Sebastian didn't mention anything about how glitter and sticky pralinées were just his thing. What he did say was something about how nice he found the idea of Timo wanting to cook for Jarno. And Kimi remembered how excited Sebastian was to help Nico putting together songs for a mixtape he wanted to send to his girlfriend. And he thought of the blush that covered Sebastian's face when Mark leaned in to whisper something into his ear before both of them looked over to Kimi during breakfast that morning.
„Oh.“
Heikki sighed and stood up to rummage through a nearby drawer. He returned to the table and began to scribble something onto a large sheet of paper, which, although Heikki had one of the neatest handwritings he has ever seen, was soon filled with all kinds of notes and even one or two diagrams.
„Here.“ Heikki handed it over to a perplexed Kimi who took the sheet and felt himself turn into one giant question mark.
„The first four points are obligatory.“ Heikki even bent over the table to circle the first four lines, as if not trusting Kimi to figure out what the digits 1 to 4 were meant to symbolize. „The rest are various follow-up scenarios you can choose from.“
Kimi looked up at Heikki in utter disbelief, who had already begun to usher Kimi towards the door of his motorhome. „Trust me.“ With that he petted him reassuringly on the back and pushed him outside.
Kimi could not for the sake of his seven motorcycles imagine how the things Heikki instructed him on would be what Sebastian really wanted him to do but he decided rather not to question The List: looking like a kitschy Valentine's fool would always be better than not looking at his boyfriend for the following three weeks in case he underestimated the importance of February 14th.
Surprisingly, when Sebastian opened the door to him that evening, and first seeing a giant teddy bear and then, looming behind it, a nervous Kimi who was fidgeting with the sleeves of his newly purchased shirt, he did not accuse him of tackyness but invited him in with a kiss that promised a lot more than any mixtape could possibly offer.
Kimi then drew the conclusion that he did not have to understand how certain things made Sebastian happy. He just wanted to make sure they did.
This Is the Life
„Was that you in the car today? It looked like you switched places with a hippo. A very incompetent one.“
Kimi watched Sebastian pace around the hotel room, his race helmet tucked under his arm, grim and huffing, glaring at each piece of furniture he passed.
„Why did you bring your helmet?“
Irritated, Sebastian looked at the blue safety device as if only now noticing its presence and put it carefully onto an armchair. He then turned to Kimi, frowning at him and crossing his arms. It was then that Kimi decided he didn't like the situation. At all.
„Why going over about it now? I messed up the first turn, your second stop wasn't perfect either. This race was shit, alright, there'll be a next one. What's the point in bringing it up all over again? You look over the data with the engineers, you make it better next time. Or you don't.
But either way, if you can't suck it up you shouldn't be out there in the first place.“
„'m sorry not all of us are already that used to constantly having to suck something up.“
Obviously, plans for the evening were cancelled. Although it was his hotel room, it was Kimi who left, deciding to meet up with his old friend, the hotel bar, instead.
What had gone wrong?
His third glass of „whatever“ couldn't tell him neither. As long as he'd been in Formula 1, Kimi had separated work from private life. It was an easy system, one that permitted him to concentrate fully on racing when he needed to and one that kept his mind free of it when he didn't. It allowed him not to care. Was that too easy? Things were different with Sebastian. And most of all, things were good. Now, with Sebastian, there was a point in caring, an obligation even.
And he had obviously missed the starting point.
Kimi squirmed when the contour of his glass began to blur. He left some money on the counter, probably far too much, and went to catch some fresh air on the veranda, the Asian night closing in on him the moment he stepped out, blinking at him with its million stars as if to remind that there was no getaway under those watchful eyes.
He then returned to his hotel room, determined to find Sebastian the next day and talk to him, when the plan proved to be quite unnecessary: Sebastian was lying asleep on his bed. And he was hugging the helmet.
Kimi felt dizzy with affection (and he was positive it was not the alcohol) when he tiptoed over to the bed and carefully sat on its edge. He put aside the helmet, which was quite a challenge regarding the firmness of the young German's grip, and tenderly traced his fingers though Sebastian's short blond hair.
„I'm sorry,“ he heared a soft whisper and smiled into the sleepy blue eyes that were now looking up to him. „I didn't mean to...“
„Shhh,“ Kimi cut him off and bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. „I am sorry, too.“
Sebastian shifted and Kimi gladly nestled beside him, wrapping him in his arms and caressing his back with lazy, tender movements.
„Are we going to...“ Sebastian began tentatively.
„Tomorrow.“
Kimi closed his eyes and felt Sebastian relax and cuddle closer to him, and soon his rhythmic breath was ghosting over the exposed skin above his collar where Sebastian's head was resting.
„I can smell the whiskey, you know,“ Sebastian remarked a bit sulkily after some time and Kimi let out a small laugh, ruffling Sebastian's hair so as to tease him a little bit more. He then lifted his head and meeting the slightly reproachful frown with mischievous amusement brought their lips together in quite a vigorous kiss.
„And now you can taste it, too.“
Kimi even dared to stick out his tongue. Sebstian could do nothing more than huff his disapproval as Kimi wrapped him in a tight embrance again, kissing the crown of his head and laughing over Sebastian's clumsy attempts at punching his chest.
In this case, with Sebastian, he wanted to care.
All Differences Combined
Sebastian Vettel was a whirlwind. If Kimi Räikkönen were asked to describe his lover in one word, this would have been exactly it: whirlwind. A natural phaenomenom of a million diverse little pieces that came and vanished too fast to be properly grasped. Keeping up with something that was the embodiment of unpredictability to Kimi sometimes felt like a sheerly impossible task altogether.
And at times, being in a cranky mood that, to his displeasure, allowed all kinds of unwelcomed thoughts that went beyond the primal cause of distress invade his mind, Kimi wondered how it was possible that this whirlwind has taken a halt to notice him.
Nevertheless, at times like these, when he would watch this young man, almost a boy still, dozing peacefully in his arms, all of his energy abandoned to become a rolled-up heap of youthful bliss in Kimi's embrace, the Finn was left wondering about why this whirlwind would come back to him time after time.
Then the young German would usually do something incredibly adorable in his sleep, like mumble about „chocolate chunks now“ or try to nuzzle his head under Kimi's shirt, and, tightening his grip around him, Kimi would allow himself to think that maybe his static, so non-Sebastian self was exactly what was needed here.
The German:
One: Why can't you just tell me what is going on?
Two: Did we actually bring the present? - From Kimi's Mercedes Ad
Three: Where is the baked apple?
I hope this made sense.
Comments and constructive criticism = ♥ and are very much appreciated.
Pairing: Kimi Räikkönen / Sebastian Vettel
Rating: Red Flag (PG-13)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction thus I am not claiming for any of this to have ever happened (though I won't exclude it either ;) ). No disrespect towards any of the parties is intended.
Summary: In general, Kimi found himself not caring too much. Except for when it came to one certain Sebastian Vettel.
Beta: the very kind fanged_angel
Annotations:
Uno: I was too lazy to do proper research don't know how many motorcycles Kimi really owns.
Dos: Translation to the German parts is to be found at the bottom of the text.
Tres: No one wants to know what music genres I have gone through writing this anyway.
Let 'em Talk
Formula 1, or Motorsport in general, or for that matter, most of all professional sports leagues, were a dirty business of emotional twisting where private lives became public affairs when greed for profit, financial or of another kind, overcame all moral scrutiny.
As for the public life, Kimi Räikkönen tried to stay out of it as much as sponsoring contracts would allow him to. And for private matters, Kimi found himself not caring too much. When he did, he still preferred not to have an open discussion about it because it was his and noone else's business. That's how simple it was for Kimi Räikkönen.
In the rare times of severe distress, however, Kimi would much rather have sex with his boyfriend than talk about something he felt he couldn't change anyway. And while Sebastian was the best when it came to understanding what was on Kimi's mind without the Finn actually having to voice it, Sebastian, too, needed answers sometimes because even he would get tired of feeling like being on a trivia game.
'Warum kannst du nicht einfach sagen, was los ist?" was a typical exclamation of Sebastian's while Kimi's hands would insistently try to get under his shirt.
It was general knowledge that communication was not his greatest virtue and Kimi wondered whether it was a serious assumption of Sebastian that it would work better in a language which he could voice exactly two phrases in: Haben wir eigentlich das Geschenk mitgenommen and Wo ist der Bratapfel.
It was after the time Sebastian called him an introverted mushroom (in German, of course) and spent the rest of the night watching DVDs with Nico that Kimi decided enough was enough and, putting on his darkest sunglasses, went to buy a German-Finnish dictionary.
Whatever It Takes
„So, what have you planned for you and Sebastian tonight?“
It was a lazy afternoon in mid-February that Kimi had decided to spend with Heikki catching up on good old Finnish times - and that ended up mostly catching up on the latest beer brands.
„I was supposed to...have planned something?“
Pity filled Heikki's eyes in addition to the raised left eyebrow which Kimi interpreted as an indication of highest disbelief.
Kimi switched into defense mode. „How was I supposed to know? I never understood what's so special about it anyway.“
Heikki sighed heavily. „Well, didn't Sebastian imply anything? No hints, no indications?“
„No!“
Heikki's eyebrow rose a little higher.
Kimi went for the pout. Sebastian didn't mention anything about how glitter and sticky pralinées were just his thing. What he did say was something about how nice he found the idea of Timo wanting to cook for Jarno. And Kimi remembered how excited Sebastian was to help Nico putting together songs for a mixtape he wanted to send to his girlfriend. And he thought of the blush that covered Sebastian's face when Mark leaned in to whisper something into his ear before both of them looked over to Kimi during breakfast that morning.
„Oh.“
Heikki sighed and stood up to rummage through a nearby drawer. He returned to the table and began to scribble something onto a large sheet of paper, which, although Heikki had one of the neatest handwritings he has ever seen, was soon filled with all kinds of notes and even one or two diagrams.
„Here.“ Heikki handed it over to a perplexed Kimi who took the sheet and felt himself turn into one giant question mark.
„The first four points are obligatory.“ Heikki even bent over the table to circle the first four lines, as if not trusting Kimi to figure out what the digits 1 to 4 were meant to symbolize. „The rest are various follow-up scenarios you can choose from.“
Kimi looked up at Heikki in utter disbelief, who had already begun to usher Kimi towards the door of his motorhome. „Trust me.“ With that he petted him reassuringly on the back and pushed him outside.
Kimi could not for the sake of his seven motorcycles imagine how the things Heikki instructed him on would be what Sebastian really wanted him to do but he decided rather not to question The List: looking like a kitschy Valentine's fool would always be better than not looking at his boyfriend for the following three weeks in case he underestimated the importance of February 14th.
Surprisingly, when Sebastian opened the door to him that evening, and first seeing a giant teddy bear and then, looming behind it, a nervous Kimi who was fidgeting with the sleeves of his newly purchased shirt, he did not accuse him of tackyness but invited him in with a kiss that promised a lot more than any mixtape could possibly offer.
Kimi then drew the conclusion that he did not have to understand how certain things made Sebastian happy. He just wanted to make sure they did.
This Is the Life
„Was that you in the car today? It looked like you switched places with a hippo. A very incompetent one.“
Kimi watched Sebastian pace around the hotel room, his race helmet tucked under his arm, grim and huffing, glaring at each piece of furniture he passed.
„Why did you bring your helmet?“
Irritated, Sebastian looked at the blue safety device as if only now noticing its presence and put it carefully onto an armchair. He then turned to Kimi, frowning at him and crossing his arms. It was then that Kimi decided he didn't like the situation. At all.
„Why going over about it now? I messed up the first turn, your second stop wasn't perfect either. This race was shit, alright, there'll be a next one. What's the point in bringing it up all over again? You look over the data with the engineers, you make it better next time. Or you don't.
But either way, if you can't suck it up you shouldn't be out there in the first place.“
„'m sorry not all of us are already that used to constantly having to suck something up.“
Obviously, plans for the evening were cancelled. Although it was his hotel room, it was Kimi who left, deciding to meet up with his old friend, the hotel bar, instead.
What had gone wrong?
His third glass of „whatever“ couldn't tell him neither. As long as he'd been in Formula 1, Kimi had separated work from private life. It was an easy system, one that permitted him to concentrate fully on racing when he needed to and one that kept his mind free of it when he didn't. It allowed him not to care. Was that too easy? Things were different with Sebastian. And most of all, things were good. Now, with Sebastian, there was a point in caring, an obligation even.
And he had obviously missed the starting point.
Kimi squirmed when the contour of his glass began to blur. He left some money on the counter, probably far too much, and went to catch some fresh air on the veranda, the Asian night closing in on him the moment he stepped out, blinking at him with its million stars as if to remind that there was no getaway under those watchful eyes.
He then returned to his hotel room, determined to find Sebastian the next day and talk to him, when the plan proved to be quite unnecessary: Sebastian was lying asleep on his bed. And he was hugging the helmet.
Kimi felt dizzy with affection (and he was positive it was not the alcohol) when he tiptoed over to the bed and carefully sat on its edge. He put aside the helmet, which was quite a challenge regarding the firmness of the young German's grip, and tenderly traced his fingers though Sebastian's short blond hair.
„I'm sorry,“ he heared a soft whisper and smiled into the sleepy blue eyes that were now looking up to him. „I didn't mean to...“
„Shhh,“ Kimi cut him off and bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. „I am sorry, too.“
Sebastian shifted and Kimi gladly nestled beside him, wrapping him in his arms and caressing his back with lazy, tender movements.
„Are we going to...“ Sebastian began tentatively.
„Tomorrow.“
Kimi closed his eyes and felt Sebastian relax and cuddle closer to him, and soon his rhythmic breath was ghosting over the exposed skin above his collar where Sebastian's head was resting.
„I can smell the whiskey, you know,“ Sebastian remarked a bit sulkily after some time and Kimi let out a small laugh, ruffling Sebastian's hair so as to tease him a little bit more. He then lifted his head and meeting the slightly reproachful frown with mischievous amusement brought their lips together in quite a vigorous kiss.
„And now you can taste it, too.“
Kimi even dared to stick out his tongue. Sebstian could do nothing more than huff his disapproval as Kimi wrapped him in a tight embrance again, kissing the crown of his head and laughing over Sebastian's clumsy attempts at punching his chest.
In this case, with Sebastian, he wanted to care.
All Differences Combined
Sebastian Vettel was a whirlwind. If Kimi Räikkönen were asked to describe his lover in one word, this would have been exactly it: whirlwind. A natural phaenomenom of a million diverse little pieces that came and vanished too fast to be properly grasped. Keeping up with something that was the embodiment of unpredictability to Kimi sometimes felt like a sheerly impossible task altogether.
And at times, being in a cranky mood that, to his displeasure, allowed all kinds of unwelcomed thoughts that went beyond the primal cause of distress invade his mind, Kimi wondered how it was possible that this whirlwind has taken a halt to notice him.
Nevertheless, at times like these, when he would watch this young man, almost a boy still, dozing peacefully in his arms, all of his energy abandoned to become a rolled-up heap of youthful bliss in Kimi's embrace, the Finn was left wondering about why this whirlwind would come back to him time after time.
Then the young German would usually do something incredibly adorable in his sleep, like mumble about „chocolate chunks now“ or try to nuzzle his head under Kimi's shirt, and, tightening his grip around him, Kimi would allow himself to think that maybe his static, so non-Sebastian self was exactly what was needed here.
The German:
One: Why can't you just tell me what is going on?
Two: Did we actually bring the present? - From Kimi's Mercedes Ad
Three: Where is the baked apple?
I hope this made sense.
Comments and constructive criticism = ♥ and are very much appreciated.