Ugh I promised myself I wouldn't do this again.
This is probably going to be another nostalgia centered rant. You can skip it, it won't offend me.
My lease is sent in, no turning back. I have the same feeling I get when the harness snaps down on a roller coaster (Man do roller coasters scare me) that hardened pit in my stomach. This is going to happen, in 22 days I will live in North Hollywood, in about 16 days I won't live here anymore.
6/23 isn't the date anymore and our road trip is being scaled back in the face of $4.50 gas, we're going to figure out exactly when on Friday but looks like 6/26. A three day stay of execution for life as I know it.
This is going to sound callous as hell but it isn't people I worry about missing at this point. I believe that the internet has made the world smaller and that I'll be back here enough that I won't be forgotten. The people I love will always be with me it's just the why and how will change.
What I do worry about is all the things I'll miss. The late nights at the bar, the lazy afternoons chilling. the parties, the inside jokes. All of this shared experience stops. I read Alex Robinson's new book last night (Too Cool to be Forgotten) and in it the character has a conversation in which he tells his dying father how angry he is about all the events of his life that he'll miss out on. This connected with me dramatically. I won't be here for the defining events of your lives. I can talk with you about them on the phone or on AIM but I won't be able to buy you a drink when someone breaks your heart or celebrate the escalations of your respective careers or even to put some new comic in your hand and tell you to read it. I probably won't be here when you meet your wives and husbands.
Not that I think I made this decision lightly. This move is completely necessary if I'm going to make it in television; not going out there would haunt me forever. I'm mad at myself for needing this, do you know how many careers I could have in New York? Probably tens of thousands, maybe more, none of those are good enough for me? Really? I feel so god dammed selfish (which in turn makes me feel like a jackass, I'm quite sure you'll all get along just fine and that being deprived my company probably won't even make your top 40 list of shitty things that happened in this life).
I'm trying to be zen about this, to take each day as it comes and all that (except today and tomorrow I plan to continue to duck this heat wave) but as the number of days I have to take as they come dwindles that becomes much harder.
Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for reading this entire self-indulgent post. I really appreciate you guys. Really.
My lease is sent in, no turning back. I have the same feeling I get when the harness snaps down on a roller coaster (Man do roller coasters scare me) that hardened pit in my stomach. This is going to happen, in 22 days I will live in North Hollywood, in about 16 days I won't live here anymore.
6/23 isn't the date anymore and our road trip is being scaled back in the face of $4.50 gas, we're going to figure out exactly when on Friday but looks like 6/26. A three day stay of execution for life as I know it.
This is going to sound callous as hell but it isn't people I worry about missing at this point. I believe that the internet has made the world smaller and that I'll be back here enough that I won't be forgotten. The people I love will always be with me it's just the why and how will change.
What I do worry about is all the things I'll miss. The late nights at the bar, the lazy afternoons chilling. the parties, the inside jokes. All of this shared experience stops. I read Alex Robinson's new book last night (Too Cool to be Forgotten) and in it the character has a conversation in which he tells his dying father how angry he is about all the events of his life that he'll miss out on. This connected with me dramatically. I won't be here for the defining events of your lives. I can talk with you about them on the phone or on AIM but I won't be able to buy you a drink when someone breaks your heart or celebrate the escalations of your respective careers or even to put some new comic in your hand and tell you to read it. I probably won't be here when you meet your wives and husbands.
Not that I think I made this decision lightly. This move is completely necessary if I'm going to make it in television; not going out there would haunt me forever. I'm mad at myself for needing this, do you know how many careers I could have in New York? Probably tens of thousands, maybe more, none of those are good enough for me? Really? I feel so god dammed selfish (which in turn makes me feel like a jackass, I'm quite sure you'll all get along just fine and that being deprived my company probably won't even make your top 40 list of shitty things that happened in this life).
I'm trying to be zen about this, to take each day as it comes and all that (except today and tomorrow I plan to continue to duck this heat wave) but as the number of days I have to take as they come dwindles that becomes much harder.
Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for reading this entire self-indulgent post. I really appreciate you guys. Really.