I Got No PIMP Juice man
OK, so it's almost 9:30 now and I've been up chugging powerade since 6:30...I think I'm on my fourth. Why do I get up so fucking early, especially after a night of heavy drinking, like this has to got to stop. I have no where to be in the mornings, yet, I am up dilly dallying around instead of getting some sleep....yea that's my problem sleep deprivation...yea that and a lot of other things. Shit, I just realized I have been listening to the rough mixes of my sister's songs instead of the new mixes. I have been critiqing already fixed material. lol That's dumb. Well anyways Ash, if ur reading this, these songs are amazing and the lyrics are too. I am very proud of you. Is it ok that I make all of my friends listen? Ash this guitar is so sick dude.lol He's amazing.
OK, so anyways back to why I am writing this. Again, I woke up this morning hung-over, extremely parched, and alone in my bed. I have honestly been abstinent, not from alcohol that is, for three months now. What it's middle of October? Yea since maybe the beginning of August. It kind of feels good, since this summer kind of changed my outlook on a lot of things. Well...it was actually a great summer for that fact. I decided that I was going to start living for me more, and although I knew that would be hard because I'm such an unselfish person, I decided to start at the place that was hurting most. I'm not giving myself to anyone unless I am getting them back in return, and some might say I'm crazy, but I'm sick of letting someone get the best of me and me just getting broken. I know we are all humans and have needs that need to be met, but I am just not ready to add random people to the list for something I can, indeed, be strong enough to wait for. Also, summer was good because I now know what it is that I believe in. I had a lot of the same conversation with people and I did a lot of thinking about casual sex, real relationships, and what it is that really defines a relations ship. Here is what the Webster dictionary says:
Main Entry: re·la·tion·ship
Pronunciation: -sh&n-"ship
Function: noun
1 : the state of being related or interrelated
2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : KINSHIP b : a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings b : a romantic or passionate attachment
Take what you want from that. That's what I learned...everyone believes something different and the whole world will never agree upon the same thing. I think that a relationship begins the minute you begin any interction with someone, no matter if ur just meant to be friends or not, but I think either way, for me, my feelings are going to get involved. SO, as this little epiphany came to me, I decided I was going to be more careful of wearing my heart on my shoulder and start holding it clasped in my hands until someone worth unclasping comes along. The I hate being sappy, but it's really the truth and actually this abstinence has felt really good for a change. I feel stronger, and although I still drink like a fish, I feel some control over my life, and I hardly ever feel like that. I usually feel like I'm driving with my eyes closed. (And I just lost my train of thought because a bee flew into my room and we had dual...I won...thanks to my raid lol)So yea, anyways, Kelsey and Sarajo came for the weekend and apparently didn't come back to my room. They got way more pimp juice than me lol. Here for one night and already found a guy...that's record time I think...but then again I'm sure they found some repreats ya know? Some oldies but goodies lol. ANd look one of them just showed up so I'm gonna stop babling...but basically I guess last night was fun. We went to happy hour extremely late and I wasn't really interested in anyone. I was kind of hopeing to see someone there, but I didn't. It was kind of funny though because I was like starring down any person that looked like him from the back, but everytime they turned around, nope not him lol. Then all I wanted to do was go to the soccer game, but by the time we dropped people off and picked Josh up. the game was over. Then later we hung out with a bunch of people the girls hadn't seen in a while. OH AND TYLER IS LEAVING AND IM SO SAD AHHH :( ok im gonna go now ....leave it on a deoressing notelol...I know , nice arsh.
OK, so anyways back to why I am writing this. Again, I woke up this morning hung-over, extremely parched, and alone in my bed. I have honestly been abstinent, not from alcohol that is, for three months now. What it's middle of October? Yea since maybe the beginning of August. It kind of feels good, since this summer kind of changed my outlook on a lot of things. Well...it was actually a great summer for that fact. I decided that I was going to start living for me more, and although I knew that would be hard because I'm such an unselfish person, I decided to start at the place that was hurting most. I'm not giving myself to anyone unless I am getting them back in return, and some might say I'm crazy, but I'm sick of letting someone get the best of me and me just getting broken. I know we are all humans and have needs that need to be met, but I am just not ready to add random people to the list for something I can, indeed, be strong enough to wait for. Also, summer was good because I now know what it is that I believe in. I had a lot of the same conversation with people and I did a lot of thinking about casual sex, real relationships, and what it is that really defines a relations ship. Here is what the Webster dictionary says:
Main Entry: re·la·tion·ship
Pronunciation: -sh&n-"ship
Function: noun
1 : the state of being related or interrelated
2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : KINSHIP b : a specific instance or type of kinship
3 a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings b : a romantic or passionate attachment
Take what you want from that. That's what I learned...everyone believes something different and the whole world will never agree upon the same thing. I think that a relationship begins the minute you begin any interction with someone, no matter if ur just meant to be friends or not, but I think either way, for me, my feelings are going to get involved. SO, as this little epiphany came to me, I decided I was going to be more careful of wearing my heart on my shoulder and start holding it clasped in my hands until someone worth unclasping comes along. The I hate being sappy, but it's really the truth and actually this abstinence has felt really good for a change. I feel stronger, and although I still drink like a fish, I feel some control over my life, and I hardly ever feel like that. I usually feel like I'm driving with my eyes closed. (And I just lost my train of thought because a bee flew into my room and we had dual...I won...thanks to my raid lol)So yea, anyways, Kelsey and Sarajo came for the weekend and apparently didn't come back to my room. They got way more pimp juice than me lol. Here for one night and already found a guy...that's record time I think...but then again I'm sure they found some repreats ya know? Some oldies but goodies lol. ANd look one of them just showed up so I'm gonna stop babling...but basically I guess last night was fun. We went to happy hour extremely late and I wasn't really interested in anyone. I was kind of hopeing to see someone there, but I didn't. It was kind of funny though because I was like starring down any person that looked like him from the back, but everytime they turned around, nope not him lol. Then all I wanted to do was go to the soccer game, but by the time we dropped people off and picked Josh up. the game was over. Then later we hung out with a bunch of people the girls hadn't seen in a while. OH AND TYLER IS LEAVING AND IM SO SAD AHHH :( ok im gonna go now ....leave it on a deoressing notelol...I know , nice arsh.