(no subject)
The most frustrating thing for me right now is not being able to understand any of this. The last 10 months I mean. I can’t remember any of it.
Early October:
I didn’t really listen, you know, because we sort of tend to block out all of the things we don’t want to feel real. I mean, how do we really distinguish what feels real and what doesn’t, anyways? So that’s what I did, I blocked it out like time was going to keep moving forward.
I stopped journaling; journeying, concentrating and commemorating. I even forgot how old I was. I remember telling someone I was 18, truth is I have been 19 and 20 for the past 2 years and now I’m starting to think I had forgotten more than just the last 10 months. I was deteriorating, ashing out more everyday, until one day the flame just burnt out. I was put out faster than an un-lit cigarette and that’s when I realized I was becoming completely insane.