(no subject)
ok, so here i am...in new york freezing my ass off. and pissed off to boot. i just broke up with the bf and told him i was staying here. i'm so sick of all the drama and stress florida brings. i cant deal with it anymore. i just want to be the mellow, nice girl i used to be. not the psychotic, evil cunt i have become.
and i love it here. god, do i love it here. i went shopping with my cousin today in nyc and bought the cutest shit. and when i got here on monday, my aunt bought me mad shit. but it isnt even the fact that i have all kinds of new shit, that isnt it at all. its that i'm so happy here. i'm respected, treated like a person, and dont have to deal with any shit. i could get a good job here, get my g.e.d and go to college and be a real person. not just a fucking waitress. i want to be successful. i want to be an upstanding citizen. i want to actually be someone, not just the wench that fills your drink every time it gets halfway empty. and i want to be someones best friend, someones soulmate. the person that someone cant wait to see everyday and wants to be with just me for the rest of their life. *sigh* i'm never going to be happy. but i can be happier. happier than worrying about everyone else but myself. i want to live my life for me, damn it. no one else but me. i just want to be happy. i dont think thats too much to ask, is it? hopefully i'll figure something out. i just dont know how things will be when i get home. i cant deal with them if i go back and nothing has changed. i hate regretting things. i want to be grateful i made the choices that i made.
and i love it here. god, do i love it here. i went shopping with my cousin today in nyc and bought the cutest shit. and when i got here on monday, my aunt bought me mad shit. but it isnt even the fact that i have all kinds of new shit, that isnt it at all. its that i'm so happy here. i'm respected, treated like a person, and dont have to deal with any shit. i could get a good job here, get my g.e.d and go to college and be a real person. not just a fucking waitress. i want to be successful. i want to be an upstanding citizen. i want to actually be someone, not just the wench that fills your drink every time it gets halfway empty. and i want to be someones best friend, someones soulmate. the person that someone cant wait to see everyday and wants to be with just me for the rest of their life. *sigh* i'm never going to be happy. but i can be happier. happier than worrying about everyone else but myself. i want to live my life for me, damn it. no one else but me. i just want to be happy. i dont think thats too much to ask, is it? hopefully i'll figure something out. i just dont know how things will be when i get home. i cant deal with them if i go back and nothing has changed. i hate regretting things. i want to be grateful i made the choices that i made.