(no subject)
Man, WTF is up with me lately, guys?
I've been having this disgusting bowel movement type thing after being constipated straight for a week. Seriously, my stomach was like rock hard and painful to the touch and today I had some pomegranate juice, and now I'm like... It feels like I've taken a billion laxies. Sorry for the gross factor of that... I guess I just see this as my journal and my way of taking my thoughts and writing them down, and maybe someone will see this and it'll help them out knowing they aren't the only one.
Oh my god, last night it took 6 sleeping pills to get me halfway to sleep and then I woke up with the dryest mouth ever. I couldn't think straight, and I got up and was nauseus and then dizzy and I grabbed water from my dresser and like layed it down next to me in bed and slept with it cradled next to me because I was just that fucking thirsty. I am also having serious head issues. My headaches are increasing and getting more and more difficult to get rid of. MY HR has been about 45-50 for the entire weekend and since I last wrote. The only time it acts up is when I start to move around and then it starts beating painfully and somewhat erratically. Kinda freaky, but not so much.
To say I am hitting rock bottom is not talking about the above things. It's not talking about the freezing bone chilling numb that comes over you that only we know about and it's not dealing with your Head screaming things at oyu. It's purging in your boyfriends bathroom the SECOND he walks out of the house, and using his toothbrush and his mouthwash to clean yourself up, and acting like nothing has happened when you have to lie down for the next 2 hours because you are so weak and worn down you can't stand up. Breaking his trust, in his house, in front of him practically, is hitting rock bottom.
And my heart's thumping harder and heavier again...
Oh and we're getting DSL tomorrow... Yay!
I've been having this disgusting bowel movement type thing after being constipated straight for a week. Seriously, my stomach was like rock hard and painful to the touch and today I had some pomegranate juice, and now I'm like... It feels like I've taken a billion laxies. Sorry for the gross factor of that... I guess I just see this as my journal and my way of taking my thoughts and writing them down, and maybe someone will see this and it'll help them out knowing they aren't the only one.
Oh my god, last night it took 6 sleeping pills to get me halfway to sleep and then I woke up with the dryest mouth ever. I couldn't think straight, and I got up and was nauseus and then dizzy and I grabbed water from my dresser and like layed it down next to me in bed and slept with it cradled next to me because I was just that fucking thirsty. I am also having serious head issues. My headaches are increasing and getting more and more difficult to get rid of. MY HR has been about 45-50 for the entire weekend and since I last wrote. The only time it acts up is when I start to move around and then it starts beating painfully and somewhat erratically. Kinda freaky, but not so much.
To say I am hitting rock bottom is not talking about the above things. It's not talking about the freezing bone chilling numb that comes over you that only we know about and it's not dealing with your Head screaming things at oyu. It's purging in your boyfriends bathroom the SECOND he walks out of the house, and using his toothbrush and his mouthwash to clean yourself up, and acting like nothing has happened when you have to lie down for the next 2 hours because you are so weak and worn down you can't stand up. Breaking his trust, in his house, in front of him practically, is hitting rock bottom.
And my heart's thumping harder and heavier again...
Oh and we're getting DSL tomorrow... Yay!