The Bootlegged Years...: arsenic480

arsenic480

The Bootlegged Years...

Sep 11, 2006 08:21

"yes, i suppose, if these things are neccessary..."

my memory-... ill start of very slow for those of you just waking up. this is how i find myself. i know ive woken up countless times throughout the night, but i cannot recall when or why... i go by assumptions. maybe i was thirsty, had to piss or wanted to stretch my legs. i hate being confined to a six by five square, reguardless of how soft and comfortable it is. its about seventy-six percent complete. now that im awake, in a manner of speaking, i wish i were still in bed and the clock was turned back about twelve hours. i dont want to find out that thirteen years from now, my life has become this popular television show with some bastard doing voiceovers for things that were so obvious, a blind man would notice. the relationships hed recall would prove to be a number of mixed feelings for the audience, but there is a boundary. chance calls it the "fourth-wall"-... i suppose he didnt come up with the term, but ive only heard it twice, and i dont want to admit to remembering anything disney has "taught" me. the people viewing and staring at this program are not connected to this character, reguardless of how close they "feel". and televised attachment is quite different from an emotional attachment. the viewer watches on and weaps as the characters friends move on, or drop like flies, or move-... in every story its the same, and i dont expect a "tried and true" formula to be altered by a director in it to make money. he follows the "jane shaeffer" of story writing... its here where my life (personally, because i dont want to assume yours is any different from the two-dimensional character on the television, but i do hope) deviates from this formula. my life has taken this formula and set it down next to a meat-grinder and let it play like the six-year-old it is. my life is curiously curious. its a good thing too, because without my life falling and breaking a bone or two, and geting scratched, it wouldnt be where it is today. with all the bad shit that has happened along the way, right now its perfect. its strange how out of the chaos of drug-use (note: i say USE not ABUSE), and the constant downfalls id walked into, i still enjoyed myself. was my eyesight really obscured by chemicals? hallucinations and feelings of euphoria dont count, because it wasnt constant. ive changed, and whether its for the better, i cant say, because ive always viewed myself the same, even as a kid. ive always been me-... even with slight changes, ive remained relatively the same kid who likes otter pops and laying on the ground in the living room during winter to watch the rain. i really miss the rain. i know it rains, so im sure some people just thought "why is he missing this oh-so-common occurance?"... and to you, i say, because nature itself is an infinitely beautiful thing. nature is what i choose to wake up to every morning, and what i want to spend my day in. sitting in the park at midnight is fun, but unfortunately its as close as i can get to "nature" sometimes. chance can relate... which was funny, and slightly random that nature is the perfect place to spend your day sometimes. it may be a mind-set that youd need to be in, but id be content living in a forest-covered state like virginia.

im boring and multi-tangent-riddled now, so ill leave the rest to you and i. well finish this later, but right now, im gonna go eat some steak my girlfriend brought me ^_^

EDIT:

DYNAMITE WITH A LASERBEAM (QUEEN AS HEARD THROUGH THE MEAT GRINDER OF THREE ONE G)