Okay, so official first post I suppose...
I think its time for a re-introduction.
My names Arsenia.
I'm 21 and have recently decided to get back into livejournal after being inactive for almost 2 years.
I've been on live journal since high school actually, probably joined around 15-16 I think which is about the time when I was really deep in depression and starting to seriously develop my eating disorder.
Mental History
I’ve suffered from depression and self esteem/self image issues for as long as I can remember. My eating disorder came into play for me at a very young age (8 years old and I can remember that day and what triggered it perfectly) but didn’t become serious until a very traumatic event when I turned 14.
I have been diagnosed with moderate/severe depression and anxiety. And “situational" anorexia with bulimic tendencies(if you can believe that is a diagnosis). My psychologist claimed that my eating disorder was a direct result of my depression and worsened as my depression did.
There was always a constant inkling in my mind that I was never good enough. I was constantly compared to my older sister who was much nicer/prettier/skinnier/etc than me. I can go on. When I was young the parents I knew were either never home (my dad was in the navy, always on west pack) or on drugs and constantly binge drinking. With parents who are constantly fighting its hard for them to pay attention when there is something wrong.
It took 17 years for them to figure it out.
I was admitted into an impatient program at 17 for a 72 hour watch. It was my first time seeing a therapist and I told her everything, and after our first session my Dad took me straight to the emergency room where they transported me to the place where I’d be staying. Once they weighed me (I was 97lbs at the time) they put me in their eating disorder program which added a whole month to that stint in the hospital.
I don’t regret the experience. It helped me grow and there were actually people there who made me feel like they cared, something I’ve never had in my life. They gave me the tools and ideals I needed to take care of myself and recognize how my own thoughts were dangerous. They helped me to realize I don’t need to be controlled my depression and that I have a CHOICE in this.
Present
I am not fully recovered from my depression or my eating disorder, but I’ve learned to manage. I’m not on any sort of medication, I guess you could say that I self medicate with marijuana but I consider that a habit not a solution to my problems. I do slip up with my self harm tendencies, and right now I am in relapse from my ed, but I’m trying not to let it control my life.
Right now I am in a relationship with the most wonderful, understanding, caring, beautiful, patient, and loving person in the whole world. We can call him M. We started dating September 3, 2011 and I have put him through hell and back. But he’s learned how to comfort me and be there for me when I have my mood swings and I appreciate the SHIT out of him. He’s helped me through SO much and has actually helped me to find myself. He’s shown me that I am capable of love and worthy of it even though sometimes its hard for me to believe that. We have our problems like any other couple, but our great relationship and love for each other helps us overcome the hurdles.
My life at the moment is currently stable (If you can call it that). I work at Payless, I’m going to community college, and planning on transferring to a University within the next two/three years. I like to believe I’ve grown so much from how I used to be in my dark years (14-17) and am proud of who I’ve become.
I may not be totally happy with who I am yet, but I’m getting there.
So I guess I leave off with my stats for now...
H: 5'2"
HW: 130 lbs
LW: 96.4 lbs
CW: 104 lbs
GW: 95 lbs
UGW: 90 lbs