Wine and thoughts
Sunday is the day I had been desiring all week long. I have basically done nothing a part from the odd load of laundry and reheating dinner. It's late, the second bottle of wine has been consumed, and I have been discussing with hollsterhambone a few events from the past week. We got around to talking about dreams which brought up the memory of a dream from last week where my mother picked me up in a sports car after a rather weird date with Drew Barrymore. I remember waking with a feeling of deflated ego.
Things moved on from there and we discussed the feeling from yesterday morning when I woke and choked back tears thinking about my Mum. This has not happened in a while so seemed a little strange. Maybe it was because of the task at hand, but I awoke hung over and far too early in the morning, but something, as I stood looking at my reflection within the mirror, brought thoughts of my mother to me. I was asked once if after the death of someone you loved, did things get better, and my response was "NO." Well that was then; this is now. Do things get better?--Slowly. Can these feelings be helped along?--Yes. The difference with yesterday's thoughts is that although I felt compelled to cry, I was able to identify where the feelings/pain originated from and to accept it, to look at the things in my life that make me happy. I shouldn't trash the feelings, but put them in the correct place and carry on with my day.
There are still days when I do not want to get out of bed, days I want to fall back into a deep depression and find an alternate universe to live in, but then I look at the people that are around me and the direction that my life is taking. I always said that Orion, who is large and bright in the early morning sky right now, was the one that looked over me. He brings back memories of my Mum, he makes me feel safe, he makes me smile because I know that although she is not with me physically anymore she still watches over me with love and a protective arm. I still miss her but she will always be with me, in my heart, in my mind, and in my thoughts.
Sleep well my friends, know that you are all loved and respected.
Things moved on from there and we discussed the feeling from yesterday morning when I woke and choked back tears thinking about my Mum. This has not happened in a while so seemed a little strange. Maybe it was because of the task at hand, but I awoke hung over and far too early in the morning, but something, as I stood looking at my reflection within the mirror, brought thoughts of my mother to me. I was asked once if after the death of someone you loved, did things get better, and my response was "NO." Well that was then; this is now. Do things get better?--Slowly. Can these feelings be helped along?--Yes. The difference with yesterday's thoughts is that although I felt compelled to cry, I was able to identify where the feelings/pain originated from and to accept it, to look at the things in my life that make me happy. I shouldn't trash the feelings, but put them in the correct place and carry on with my day.
There are still days when I do not want to get out of bed, days I want to fall back into a deep depression and find an alternate universe to live in, but then I look at the people that are around me and the direction that my life is taking. I always said that Orion, who is large and bright in the early morning sky right now, was the one that looked over me. He brings back memories of my Mum, he makes me feel safe, he makes me smile because I know that although she is not with me physically anymore she still watches over me with love and a protective arm. I still miss her but she will always be with me, in my heart, in my mind, and in my thoughts.
Sleep well my friends, know that you are all loved and respected.