Step forth, brave souls! Let the Concrit begin!
Hello authors :)
It's our pleasure to announce
the 2016 Johnny's
Fan Fiction Concrit Meme
Inspired by all the fabulous concrit back at onceuponameme
What is a Concrit?Concrit stands for "constructive criticism," aka honest, objective, non-demeaning suggestions given with the intention to help a writer improve their stories. Good concrit identifies a specific ( Read more... )
It's our pleasure to announce
the 2016 Johnny's
Fan Fiction Concrit Meme
Inspired by all the fabulous concrit back at onceuponameme
What is a Concrit?Concrit stands for "constructive criticism," aka honest, objective, non-demeaning suggestions given with the intention to help a writer improve their stories. Good concrit identifies a specific ( Read more... )
I don't know if you have a beta; I'd say that your grammar is generally not that bad (I've seen way worse), but there are occasional errors. Like here, in terms of tense agreement:
They had already reached their destination and got out of the taxi. Masaki was already advancing towards the building’s entrance when Sho’s hand forbid him from making another step.
It should be: They had already reached their destination and GOTTEN out of the taxi. Masaki was already advancing towards the building's entrance when Sho's hand FORBADE him from making another step.
Keep the past perfect tense in the first sentence (since you already used it for "they had reached their destination" and keep the past tense for the "forbid" part.
And here as well:
“I had enough of your flirt Aiba-san! Patience has its limits dear!”
It should be "flirtation" not "flirt" (you want a noun here, not a verb!). And while we're on this sentence, I just want to point out a personal pet peeve: the use of endearments. I find that you use them a lot: "dear" "darling" "honey." While there's nothing wrong with using them (we use them in real life after all), I find your use of them a bit excessive. But that could just be my personal pet peeve.
I won't point out all the grammar errors in the series, but I'm sure you can get a beta to comb through them.
Grammar aside, I think that you have a gift for bringing out that sexual tension. I could definitely feel the frustration and self-loathing and angry attraction between Sakuraiba here, and I enjoyed it! I think your Ohmiya are really cute too! One suggestion I have, content-wise, would be to focus less on the outright lust of your characters. Your strongest point is your ability to bring out the intense emotions associated with the lust (like the anger and frustration); you really don't need to have Sho always eyeing Aiba's ass or thinking about how he's going to fuck him to bring that tension out!
You have great ideas, and the fact that you won the Best Sakuraiba award is proof that people love your ideas! But of course, there's always room for improvement and I know you can do it. Please keep up all the lovely writing!
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First of all, thank you for taking the time to write such a long and detailed comment! I really appreciate it!
Now to your points... Obviously I'm not a native speaker. I'm Greek! The truth is that I don't have a beta-reader. I used to be one myself and I know that the time required for beta-ing is much. The main problem is that my time for writing is already limited - I'm finishing my PhD thesis atm - so I believe I won't be able to post anything in case of having to wait the beta-reader as well - especially when my chapters are 5 - 6.000 words each! ><" I know there are some mistakes here and there. I re-read my stories two and even three times before posting them but the eye can't always catch everything. I've recognized stupid mistakes myself - after I have posted a fic - but then again I get lazy and leave the post as it is... ^^"
About the ones you mentioned. For forbid you have absolutely right; I actually laughed when I saw it! But for gotten I had to look it up because honestly I got confused. I had English classes for like 8 years and never came across gotten. So, I found out that gotten is the American form while got is the British one. I've learned British English my whole life and never realized that Americans have a different past participle for get! xD As for flirt, in both Greek and French - I study in Paris, so I use the language in everyday life - the noun is flirt and not flirtation so I didn't even think about it when I used it there! xP
Thank you so much for taking the time to point them out and even rewrite the whole phrases! I got a good idea where I tend to make mistakes and I will try my best to avoid them from now on! ^^
Now 'honey, darling, dear'. Well, you might have a point there. I do love to use them - probably a bit too much - but only in my comedies. I just imagine the characters using them in a certain ironic, challenging way, if you want! xD But I will take a closer look... it might have been an exaggeration at some specific parts! ^^
Oh! I'm really happy that you think I'm good at bringing out the sexual tension! I find it amusing especially when the characters are in a 'love/hate' situation! I don't remember the fic in such detail tbh - it's one of my older ones - but I always had it in my mind as an R-rated-with-NC-17-hints one, so there lies the fact that I might have focused a bit too much on butt fetish/f**k dreaming! xD
As you say, there's always room for improvement. I humbly believe that I've improved a tiny bit since 'I'm not your boss, honey!' and I'm doing my best to improve even more in the future! That's why I asked for opinions here! ^^
I will keep it up! Don't worry! :)
Once again thanks for your reply!
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