We Love To See You Smile :-)
i cant even drive in peace. I was driving home like 5 minutes ago and my dad yells at me for accelerating to get on the highway.Then i get like 83 text messages while im driving and the tm noise pisses me off.I gots me a job and i start tomorrow which sucks because all week im gonna be mad tired.I was skating today and i fell and hurt my hand so its hard to type.I wish dana would come on so i could talk to her.I need caffine pills for tomorrow.I need money and friends.I need to be better at skating.I need to kill people.I need to make people care about what i feel and not only about them.School sucks because most of the people there that you think are your friends...sometimes you start to think they arent..but them they say they are and you dont know what to feel.I smell and i wonder why.I have to work a 7 hour shift tomorrow.Then on sunday i have the same shift.also on monday.People tell me that i have friends but most of the time i dont believe them.and really sometimes i dont care if i have friends or not.because even with friends i dont feel like im cared for.im probably the happiest when im by myself.because i dont have to worry what i look like and how i act and how i should impress people.even when i try to impress people it doesnt work.then the girl situation.for some reason i get/have a girlfriend but i dont know why.what is there to like about me.they say all this stuff but is it really real or are they just using me like the piece of shit i am.Sometimes thats what i think.sometimes i think that the people i hang out with just use me for rides and shit like that.im never happy.ive never been happy in my life and i just realized that today.i was the slightest bit happy when i was like 10.But then my grandfather had to do a whole bunch of shit to my sister and we got kicked out of the fucking house.then we moved in with my nana.then she threw us out after a while.my mom put me up for adoption and i moved in with my aunt.i made 2 friends while i lived there and you know they even made fun of me when they were with the other people that they hung out with.they have been really cool to me the past 4 years.i had no friends from 1st grade to 7th grade..and after that i moved and barely had friends in lincoln.then i moved to johnston and i feel like an outkast here too.Sometimes i wish that people would like me for who i am.My life is the most fucked up thing in the world.and as much as im afraid of dying..sometimes i would like it to just end no warning no nothing.i think my life hit rock bottom when i was kicked out of my house and then when my nana died.seriously she was the closest person to me.and not to gross anyone out but they made her look like shit in the casket.And to think all of those times when i was little and she lived with me we treated her like shit and then near the end when i treated her like a loved family member i didnt even get to say sorry or anything.When my mom put me up for adoption the words i love you did nothing.Its just like she didnt even give a rats ass anymore.Yeah some people think that im happier now.i am a little bit but theres always that time where i really need to get anger out.and as a lot of people realize im not one of those people who tells everyone when theres something wrong.i usually bottle it up and put on a pissed face.but eventually the bottle will get filled and im gonna flip out on someone..my dad..friends..other family members..teachers..and i wont care.enough blabbing its not like anyone reads and comments this anyway