Alone.. but We All Are, or Will Be. Are You Ready?

[arrowtwolf]

I've been having a lot of cognitive dissonance lately. In a way, it's a good thing, because after a turbulent year and a half, I'm finally back to where I was before - self-examination. In another way, it's a bad thing, because the conclusions drawn are not always easy or settling

Comments

[crocodile]

This is very similar to a problem I had when I when from "mostly complete loner" to "social butterfly" in the span of less than a year in 1989.

Previously I would come home from school and immediately go to my "activity room" (I had a bedroom for sleeping and a room for everything else then) and either listen to music, watch TV, read or generally entertain myself. THis was every day... I didn't go hang with friends because I didn't have many and I didn't really try, because when you move a dozen times as a kid you start to feel like what's the point. You just learn to entertain yourself.

But then one day as a lark I let my mom talk me into going out with friends, and quickly I started wanting to spend time around others, more and more and more over the next few years until I didn't like being alone anymore, either. It was much like you say - I knew there was great fun to be had around others and they could validate me at the same time.

For me there was a saturation point at which I realized just how insanely thin I was spreading myself, and how I felt always harried, always with too many plans, too many things I'd committed myself to, to the point that it sometimes stopped being fun. Granted when you have a hobby or two that you're good at perhaps you achieve this point sooner, but nonetheless unless you are the guy who sits and waits for action to come to you (which is a really ineffective strategy in life, anyway) you'll probably get to a point where personal time feels good again.

I think I've rediscovered that balance, although maybe it's just tiredness and laziness that forced me to appreciate my alone time again. Friends can validate you, but it should not be their main purpose...more like a side effect that comes from caring about each other and having a really good time together. If you treat friends like your "get happy" drug, just like anything that is abused it will eventually lose effectiveness and have negative repercussions.