Frustrated...
Not sure exactly what I'm feeling right now, but it feels like such a mix of so many emotions.
I've been away from home for over a month now at a leadership school. I'll be going home this week.
I've been so frustrated being away. I've enjoyed the time to spend alone, time to really listen to my own thoughts for a while. But sometimes my thoughts just won't stop coming. And I get frustrated not being able to share my thoughts and my time with my wife and daughter.
We're trying to finish up an international adoption before we move back to the states, and we're running into a lot of roadblocks there too. That's the most frustrating right now. But I can't be there to help the situation or even just be there for my wife.
And I feel like I have a lot of energy, but nowhere to expend it. No direction to point it in. So it stays locked inside. Just like my thoughts. And my feelings. Locked in like a caged animal. That kinda expresses what I'm feeling. I know that I am more than just this body and these feelings and these thoughts and these relationships. But I don't know how to unlock it. I have the knowledge...but I can't fathom the experience. Like the greatest part of me is trapped inside somehow. And until I can release that part of me, I'm stuck with the limited, physical, flawed part of me that hurts and is clueless and incomplete. There's a better part of this world to find, but we have to get past ourselves. We have to see it without the clouded filters of our own eyes. But I don't know how to be free.
I've been away from home for over a month now at a leadership school. I'll be going home this week.
I've been so frustrated being away. I've enjoyed the time to spend alone, time to really listen to my own thoughts for a while. But sometimes my thoughts just won't stop coming. And I get frustrated not being able to share my thoughts and my time with my wife and daughter.
We're trying to finish up an international adoption before we move back to the states, and we're running into a lot of roadblocks there too. That's the most frustrating right now. But I can't be there to help the situation or even just be there for my wife.
And I feel like I have a lot of energy, but nowhere to expend it. No direction to point it in. So it stays locked inside. Just like my thoughts. And my feelings. Locked in like a caged animal. That kinda expresses what I'm feeling. I know that I am more than just this body and these feelings and these thoughts and these relationships. But I don't know how to unlock it. I have the knowledge...but I can't fathom the experience. Like the greatest part of me is trapped inside somehow. And until I can release that part of me, I'm stuck with the limited, physical, flawed part of me that hurts and is clueless and incomplete. There's a better part of this world to find, but we have to get past ourselves. We have to see it without the clouded filters of our own eyes. But I don't know how to be free.