uptown nightmare
"Excuse me but youre sitting on my spot," i announced, meaning the angle formed by huge horizontal amd vertical metal tubes which made up the waiting shed. loud music rung through out the avenue.
"really?," he replied looking up. The smile genuinely sweet and regretfully over familiar. His contenance unchanged if not a notch more comfortable in his perch. legs swinging. toes barely touching the ground.
with annoyance and curiosity i sat beside him silently. He didnt flinch. His eyes locked on the street, seemingly oblivious to the jeepneys speeding by now and again.
"Missing someone?," I asked following his gaze.
He nodded. Sympathy flooded me. He sighed and then in a burdened tone asked,"Is letting go always this hard?"
"I wish it wasnt." I answered. Without a moment of considering it. As if the idea dangled on my tongue, ready to slip anytime.
"Does sitting at somebody else's spot and looking out at nothing help?"
"No."
"Does taking to lonely strangers and making them feel worse help?"
"No."
"I see."
A minute passed by. Three. Six. Ten.
"If..." finally he looked at me, square in the eye, "should i dissappear, would she miss me the way i miss her now?"
"If she doesnt miss you now then why would she miss you then?"
I expected him to give a snort or whatever display of anger but he did not.
Again moments wasted away but we stayed still.
And then quiet suddently and without preable he stood up, crossed the sidewalk into the busy traffic. Through this i watched unmoving. As if i expected it and was resigned to doing nothing or even approved of it.
I could swear i didnt blink but i wasnt able to catch the split second the jeepney's bumper hit his side. But the whimper that couldnt have come from anywhere but his lips was distinct. Loud. It chilled me so much it burned. My cheeks, my neck, my arm...
I opened my eyes and it was light. I stood up, steaded myself, hailed a 04C. got in, sat down, supressed last night's rhum induced thirst, wipe cold sweat from my brow, and tried slowing my raising heart.
"really?," he replied looking up. The smile genuinely sweet and regretfully over familiar. His contenance unchanged if not a notch more comfortable in his perch. legs swinging. toes barely touching the ground.
with annoyance and curiosity i sat beside him silently. He didnt flinch. His eyes locked on the street, seemingly oblivious to the jeepneys speeding by now and again.
"Missing someone?," I asked following his gaze.
He nodded. Sympathy flooded me. He sighed and then in a burdened tone asked,"Is letting go always this hard?"
"I wish it wasnt." I answered. Without a moment of considering it. As if the idea dangled on my tongue, ready to slip anytime.
"Does sitting at somebody else's spot and looking out at nothing help?"
"No."
"Does taking to lonely strangers and making them feel worse help?"
"No."
"I see."
A minute passed by. Three. Six. Ten.
"If..." finally he looked at me, square in the eye, "should i dissappear, would she miss me the way i miss her now?"
"If she doesnt miss you now then why would she miss you then?"
I expected him to give a snort or whatever display of anger but he did not.
Again moments wasted away but we stayed still.
And then quiet suddently and without preable he stood up, crossed the sidewalk into the busy traffic. Through this i watched unmoving. As if i expected it and was resigned to doing nothing or even approved of it.
I could swear i didnt blink but i wasnt able to catch the split second the jeepney's bumper hit his side. But the whimper that couldnt have come from anywhere but his lips was distinct. Loud. It chilled me so much it burned. My cheeks, my neck, my arm...
I opened my eyes and it was light. I stood up, steaded myself, hailed a 04C. got in, sat down, supressed last night's rhum induced thirst, wipe cold sweat from my brow, and tried slowing my raising heart.