03 - WHAT THE FUCK

[arr_ilovemecigs]

UM IS THERE REALLY A SINGING CACTUS ON THE NETWORK OR. AM I JUST FUCKING LOSING MY MIND?

I NEED A CIGARETTE.
OR SIX HUNDRED.

Comments

[knightbalanced]

Woah.

Chill.

[arr_ilovemecigs]

...why are people looking at me like my reaction isn't fucking warranted.

I'm starting to up the scale here for what's normal and what's considered to be a fucking alien invasion by the motherfuckers who put E.T on our planet.

[knightbalanced]

Oh. You're from Earth, then.

[arr_ilovemecigs]

...and where the fuck are you from?

[knightbalanced]

Tatooine.

You shouldn't say 'alien', it's insensitive.

[arr_ilovemecigs]

..........

um. Okay.

I'm sorry for hurting your sensitive feelings.

..does that make you Tatooinese?

[knightbalanced]

Noooo, humans aren't native to Tatooine. I'm just... human.

And it's not a matter of hurting my feelings, it's a matter of being speciesist.

Is a cactus not supposed to sing?

[arr_ilovemecigs]

Oh. So you're from Earth, too. Okay.

...a speciesist? That isn't in the fucking dictionary, is it.

Listen, if you're from Earth I want you to name one place on that damn planet where you can find a singing cactus.

[knightbalanced]

No, I'm from Tatooine. Earth doesn't exist in my galaxy. If humans had a home planet, it was lost to history billions of years ago.

It's not in an Earth dictionary. And, ah, I don't know. New York?

[arr_ilovemecigs]

..that's pretty bleak.

A singing cactus that doesn't run on batteries or made out of plastic, that is.

[knightbalanced]

Doesn't bother me.

I have no idea, I don't even know what a cactus is.

[arr_ilovemecigs]

........a cactus. You know. Those prickly sons of bitches in the desert. They're greenish yellowish maybe and they uh, fucking hurt like hell if you touch 'em.

...you seriously don't know what a cactus is, do you.

[knightbalanced]

I'm looking it up in an encyclopedia.

[arr_ilovemecigs]

Get back to me when you're done ooohing and ahhhhing.

[knightbalanced]

You say that like I'M the one freaking out over what is... apparently a pretty mundane little plant.

[arr_ilovemecigs]

See the encyclopedia doesn't tell you that cactus' don't sing because that shit is supposed to be common sense. It's an accepted fact.