Secret Whispers - Chapter twenty-two [part III]

[aroruae]

PART II

She froze before the door as the name reached his ears, sending his heart off the track. How could he…? Did he know all along and had fooled him, wanting to see how far things will go? With a slow movement, Kazuya lifted one leg and took off his shoe, repeating the same thing for his other leg. Then he turned around and looked at Jin with a whiny, angry and pouty expression which turned into a slight confused and anxious one as he saw the older one coming closer to him. His breath hitched as Jin flashed him a smile before he grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the lounge and walked hand in hand with him through the club.

Kazuya felt his heart beating faster and he didn’t know how to react anymore. He was in Jin’s hands, he offered himself to him without any more restraints. This time, he wanted no more secret whispers between them.

Jin only stopped when he got in front of his car, turning around and pulling Kazuya into his arms as their lips finally met into a sweet and maddening kiss, into a contact that he had missed so much and that both of them had been yearning for. It felt electrifying to be able to kiss the other one after so much time had passed when they both knew that maybe… this time was okay. That maybe this time they will make it through. “I missed you so much.” Jin confessed as he looked into the younger one’s eyes, his heart beating at a fast pace and almost not letting him breathe properly. “I thought I was going crazy waiting for you.” He confessed, laughing in an embarrassed and shy way as his hands pulled the boy even closer if that was possible.

Kazuya looked at Jin as if he couldn’t believe this, as if he was having a dream - a dream come true. He flung his arms around Jin’s neck and held him tightly, hiding his face against Jin’s shoulder, sobbing muffled. “You idiot.” Kazuya murmured, unable to stop his tears from falling. “I missed you too, I missed you.” He said and looked up at Jin, the fake wig’s locks framing his face. “You don’t have to wait anymore for me - I’m staying this time.” Kazuya added and right then, the sky above them exploded in thousands of colors, announcing the arrival a new year.

“Happy New Year.” Kazuya said unable to hide a smile - this time they were going to step into the upcoming year together.

“Happy New Year, my love.” Jin replied, leaning down to capture his lips into a new kiss, a slow one as the fireworks continued to explode above them, lightening the sky and foretelling their love. It was just the beginning and like the whole world was starting again with a new year, their love was doing the same thing. A new start, the same feelings, the same love, the same they.

But a new and different ending from the last one.

“Come on.” Jin said as they parted from the kiss, the smile still tugging on his lips and his hand pulling on Kazuya’s to invite him in the car, closing the door behind him and then going on the other side to also get in. “I have something to show you.” He confessed with a sly grin, looking at Kazuya with a mysterious gaze. “But I’m not going to tell you anything so don’t speak until we get there, okay?” Jin hurried to continue, not letting the younger one utter a single word even if he knew that Kazuya was dying to find out a lot of things.

The younger one looked at Jin with a puppy eyed expression as he wanted to know how had Jin known that he was Kazuya and why he had continued with the farce. But he kept silent, aware of his too fast beating heart, of the feeling of happiness warming him up and of the man sitting next to him. It all felt like a dream and if it was, he didn’t want it to end. Just to be sure, his hand touched Jin’s arm, keeping it there as his eyes looked ahead, down the road that was broadening in front of the car. Soon enough, he felt Jin’s hand covering his and holding it lightly.

That was all he needed, Jin was all he ever needed.

Kazuya sighed inaudibly, closing his eyes a little, hoping that time will fly and that they will be able to talk, to finally be together. He needed to apologize to Jin for everything, he had to say sorry for all the wrong he had done despite loving each other so much. He will never repeat the same mistake again, not with the price of losing Jin.

The car suddenly stopped and Jin squeezed Kazuya’s hand a little, the boy looking at him with a small smile. The older one leaned and stole another sweet kiss from the younger one, having him sigh happily as he felt like he could never get enough of Jin’s kisses and his touches or anything that was Jin. They got out of the car eventually and Kazuya had to suppress a squeal of surprise - he had never known Jin’s house in L.A was this big! No, correction, he had never known Jin had a mansion in L.A, he had thought a nice apartment downtown or something of the sort. But this, this was… wow.

Jin dragged Kazuya to the entrance, amused at his awed expression and as they reached the door, he turned and put a finger over Kazuya’s lips. “Stay here for a moment.” He said and when he saw Kazuya opening his mouth to say something, he quickly added - “No questions yet.” The singer chuckled as he saw a cute pout forming on Kazuya’s lips, but as soon as he got a nod of agreement, he didn’t need anything else and rushed into the house, leaving Kazuya behind.

The younger one couldn’t help but feel a little lost, but he shrugged this unwanted feeling and he started looking at the house in front of him, leaning from one leg to another as he had left his shoes - or better said, Yuko’s heels - back at the club. It was also a little chilly, the skirt he was wearing not being too warm in the middle of winter. He didn’t get how girls could actually wear skirts during cold seasons, but oh well, it didn’t matter. Girls will never matter for him as long as he had Jin which was taking his time. Kazuya frowned as he looked at the front door again and wondered what he was doing inside. Curios as he was, he walked the remaining steps to the door and just when he was about to open it, Jin did it for him - good thing, they weren’t like the Japanese door or otherwise, he would have been hit right in the face.

“You were taking too long.” Kazuya finally said, unable to stop himself and he shivered a little as the cold had started biting into his skin and bones.

Jin frowned but a chuckle escaped his lips as he looked at Kazuya’s freezing figure. Well, that was what he deserved for trying to trick Jin and dress like a girl to make him think that he was another person - Lizzy and her crazy ideas of turning everything into a game. Too bad that Jin could have recognized Kazuya no matter how disguised he would have been. “Come on, princess,” he said with a light smile, opening the door and stepping aside, bowing like a butler in front of him and welcoming the boy home, “this is your road to a new beginning.”

Kazuya moved his eyes from Jin and a small ‘O’ formed on his lips as he looked ahead of him. The hallway was railed with lit candles forming a path that was slightly shivering under the cold air that came from outside. The simple arrangement gave a romantic and intimate atmosphere and Kazuya couldn’t help but smile as he stepped inside, his eyes flickering back to Jin who was smiling back at him. With hesitant steps, he walked further, thinking that three - no, four - years ago, he had done the same thing for Jin. That night he had confessed his feelings.

With his heart beating fast and jumping, he entered the living, looking around and noticing some familiar photos, now framed and set through the room. He stopped for a moment as he saw a particular photo, one he had taken with Jin when they had been on one of their secret dates; their faces smeared with ice-cream and goofy smiles shown to the camera - it was their only picture together. A sigh left Kazuya’s lips as he turned and looked at Jin who was just behind him, returning his gaze sort of surprised.

Kazuya turned from his road and embraced Jin, holding him tightly, trying to convey everything he felt without many words. “Walk with me.” He murmured against Jin’s neck, his hands sliding to take the older one’s and pulling him after him, but then falling in the same rhythm with the other one, bringing Jin to his side. He squeezed his lover’s hand as they entered the room that the candle-lit path had led them to and words failed him even more as he watched Jin’s bedroom. There were other framed photos, this time with Kazuya only and the closest to the bed were the ones with Kazuya sleeping and smiling. But this wasn’t what had him speechless, but the music he was hearing.

It was his song he had written for Jin. But it had Jin’s voice and the lyrics… God, the lyrics.

Kazuya looked at Jin with teary eyes, his lower lip slightly trembling. He didn’t deserve all this, Jin shouldn’t have done such things for him… But he felt happy, because in this song, the one he had wrote to ask for forgiveness, to ask him to stay with him, Jin was answering to his request, was agreeing to be once again in his life, he was willing to be his once more. The words had been completely changed and from Kazuya’s lyrics of asking ‘Stay with me’, Jin had responded and had replied that yes, ‘I’ll stay with you’.

“Jin.” The name slipped softly and Kazuya lowered his head, starting to cry softly. “I’m sorry, I really am.” He mumbled, his tears strolling down his cheeks freely, but he didn’t dare to look up at Jin.

The older one seemed to panic for a second, not knowing what to do but still taking Kazuya into his arms like this was the only thing he could possibly do even without thinking. So he hugged him tightly, trying to tell to him that he was there and that he had forgiven Kazuya, exactly like the younger one had forgiven him for his words from back then. Because even if he had been in love with the boy back then, this hadn’t been the case from the beginning and he had really seen all this like a game, like he could get bored any second and then everything would end.

That was why he hadn’t admitted to know Kazuya back then, when Josh had asked him about him.

“Well, it’s not like I don’t have my share my guilt.” Jin laughed in an embarrassed way, thinking that he hadn’t hurt the younger one just emotionally - he had done it physically too. “You were upset and that’s why you rejected me. I was the same and that’s why I hurt you back. I guess we were just too stupid to see that no matter what, we would still end up together.” He shrugged a little and his hold tightened on the boy as Jin placed a long and comforting kiss on Kazuya’s temple.

“Too stupid.” Kazuya hummed against Jin’s chest, his hands around his waist. “But this time it’s different, right? This time…” He lifted his face to look at his lover. “…we’ll make it work.” He added, determination and hope fierce in his brown eyes.

“This time, I won’t let you go no matter what stupid little thing passes through your cute head.” Jin promised with a light chuckle.

Kazuya chuckled too, sniffing a little. “I promise not to let you get fat again.”

Jin pouted, but nevertheless continued. “Then I promise to always hit you on your head when you forget to live and choose only to work.”

Kazuya laughed and nuzzled their noses together. “I promise to wake you up every morning, even when you’re not working.”

“And I promise not to tell anyone that your weak spot is your ear,” Jin added as he let his fingers brush over Kazuya’s ear, “and that you hate this as much as you love it.”

The younger one closed his eyes as a shudder passed through his body, but not because of his ear being his sensitive spot, but because he had missed Jin’s touch - soft and filled with love. “I promise to grow old with you, to love you even when you’ll upset me or I’ll upset you.” He opened his eyes and looked at Jin with sparkling eyes, his lips curved in a beautiful and happy smile.

“And I promise that I’ll always trust you and that I’ll never doubt your love.” Jin finished their vows, taking a deep breath before he continued, his eyes boring into Kazuya’s and showing exactly how much he loved the other one. “You’ll be my friend,” he said and kissed Kazuya’s forehead, “my brother,” he added and this time, he kissed Kazuya on his closed eyes, “my lover,” another kiss to the end of his lips as it was a more intimate touch that could only be done between two people who loved each other, “my soul mate.” A last kiss, on Kazuya’s lips now as Jin tilted his head and gently nibbled on them to gain access to the younger one’s mouth and to feel him again.

To start everything from scratch.

The kiss felt perfect and as Jin started to slowly guide Kazuya towards the bed, the younger one couldn’t help but feel anxious and impatient for being with his lover again. It felt like so much time had passed even if they had slept in the past couple of months more than they had done when they were first together. But one of those times had been out of revenge and the other one out of pain, they couldn’t be called making love as they had only been a mean to release their anger, their hurt and their disappointment.

But now… Jin had probably tried to recreate their first time together, almost like saying that that was the most important one and that nothing else mattered beside that one night. But he was a bit wrong, Kazuya thought as the older one pushed him gently on the bed, covering him with his body and not stopping from kissing him, because this wasn’t like their first time. He hadn’t realized it at that time, but Kazuya had still been uncertain about his future with Jin. He couldn’t go with the singer in America, he couldn’t afford to leave behind his job, his life and his family just because he had fallen madly in love. There had been many restrictions at that time and it had been easier for Kazuya to choose the way out instead of choosing to stay and fight for his love.

“Kazuya…”

He couldn’t believe that he had been able to live for three years without hearing his name being called like that. Jin was the only one who could evoke such feelings in him, he was the only one who could make him tremble with just one touch, who could make him happy just with one kiss and who could make him moan like this just with one secret whisper. He had been a fool to leave like that, but he had been scared - he had been terrified of getting hurt so badly that nothing could ever save him again. He had been a coward, true, but he hadn’t been able to face Jin and to risk hearing the same words from his mouth - I don’t love you, I just played with you.

Fear had won at that time, but that same fear had been destroyed by Jin’s powerful love and had replaced it with an immense trust. Because now Kazuya was sure that Jin would never leave him, that he would continue on loving him no matter what would happen.

“I love you.” Kazuya whispered and Jin’s lips curled up against his skin, placing a short kiss on his naked chest as he pulled himself up to look into his lover’s eyes.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jin said and Kazuya couldn’t help but smile a little even if he could feel his cheeks burning because of embarrassment, making him wonder for the millionth time how could Jin say such things with such a peaceful expression.

“Because I’m dressed in woman’s clothes?” Kazuya asked and the other one let his eyes travel on his lover’s naked chest as he had managed to undress him of his shirt. The skirt was still on and as his eyes stopped on it, Jin felt himself getting harder because of how innocent the younger one looked in that moment. He would never understand how could Kazuya look innocent and perverted in the same time, how could he seduce Jin with his taunting moves and then show such an expression that would leave him practically melting under its adoring gaze.

“Because you’re you.” Jin replied with a gentle smile, his hands now undoing Kazuya’s wig and pushing it away from his hair, throwing it on the floor to let his fingers roam through the younger one’s hair. “Because you have the most incredible eyes I’ve ever seen and the most determined expression that exists.” He added as he kissed Kazuya’s closing eyelids. “Because you have such an amazing mouth…” Jin trailed off a bit, his eyes fixed on the younger one’s lips as his thumb circled them slowly, “that never knows how to shut up.” He laughed a bit, making Kazuya pout and erasing it with another kiss.

The younger one could only moan as Jin’s hands traveled on his body, opening the laces from his skirt and then pushing it down on his legs, ending up on the floor too as Jin smirked and settled better above the other one. “You know,” he said while pecking Kazuya’s lips, “you’re kind of kinky dressed like this.” He said with a perverted voice, the way his hands were now roaming on the younger one’s body showing clearly that he had no intention of removing the leggings, pushing down against Kazuya’s body to make him feel exactly how much this excited him.

“So you’re into cosplay, hmm…” Kazuya hummed as he moved softly and teasingly under Jin, his eyes sparkling with lust and amusement. He lifted his head a bit, enough to reach to Jin’s ear and purr softly into it. “Meow?” He made a cat-like sound, chuckling as he fell back on the mattress and looking at Jin expectantly.

The older one laughed, not having expected such an answer even if he was the one to have brought the subject of kinky stuff into such a moment. “More like I’m into anything that you wear.” He confessed with a breathless voice, loving the way Kazuya was moving under him and how his hands were slowly starting to undress him too, like he had just remembered that Jin was fully clothed while he was dressed into just a pair of leggings.

“Really now?” Kazuya smirked and pushed Jin to sit next to him, straddling his hips after that and moving slowly above him to show the other one what his words were doing to him. “I thought that you liked me more when I’m not wearing anything.” He giggled teasingly, leaning over Jin and brushing soft kisses over his skin.

“Can’t deny that.” Jin admitted, his lips curling up into a twin smile as his eyes found Kazuya’s, moving impatiently under him to remove his pants too. “Though I would have a hard time to say what I don’t like about you.” He then added with a little shrug, his smile widening as he succeeded to make the younger one blush, allowing him to change their positions again, his pants falling a bit as they moved together.

“Then you’re a lucky man to have me.” Kazuya stated with a cheeky tone, looking at the other one with a defying expression as if he was daring him to say otherwise. But Jin had no intention of doing that and instead he just kissed the younger one, their bodies moving like one as Kazuya finally pushed down Jin’s pants and only their skin remained into an electrifying touch.

It felt like heaven and in the same time, it felt like hell. They both wanted to move faster, but they both opposed that as they wanted to feel each other more, as they wanted to prolong this as much as they could and to take advantage of every second spent together. Too much time had passed since the last time they had been allowed to touch like this and now as Kazuya’s hands roamed over Jin’s back or as Jin continued to press kisses on every inch of skin that he could find, they just wanted this moment to freeze in time and to always remain like this - loving, caring, adoring and just together.

It felt incredible to finally be like this with the one they loved. Their hearts were beating one faster than the other, only to reverse in the next second, their hands were searching for more skin to touch and their lips could only whisper soft moans in the silence of the room where only their names could be heard. Jin smiled at the younger one and kissed him again, moving on top of him and feeling how he was reaching his limit and thinking that he had to do something or he would go mad if he didn’t have Kazuya in that moment.

“You know,” Jin said with a bit of a shy voice as he pushed himself up from Kazuya to look into his eyes, “I kind of done some research this time.” He confessed as he put a bit of distance between them to reach the nightstand next to the bed, making Kazuya feel all alone and cold for the few seconds that he needed to retrieve something from the drawer. “I’m sorry for not thinking to do it the first time too.” Jin apologized and Kazuya could only close his eyes as the older one kissed them, forcing his heart to stop beating that faster and to let him breathe.

It was cute of Jin to have done such a thing or even think about it, it made him feel all the more special this time and he really hoped this won’t ever change. Even if it wasn’t like he wouldn’t have trusted Jin on this one - it didn’t matter as long as they were together - but he was happy to see that he was not the only one thinking of their pleasure and safety. With time, they’ll get better at being together and no research will ever be needed again. Although it was quite amusing to see Jin grabbing some condoms and lube, looking all flushed and proud of himself. His baby was such a cutie idiot and Kazuya loved him more and more.

“Jin.” Kazuya called his name and as soon as their eyes found each other again, the younger one smiled gently at his lover and leaned up to press a kiss on his lips. “I loved you back then so nothing else mattered for me than to be with you.” He confessed, feeling a bit relieved as the other one smiled back at him and kissed him again, covering Kazuya with the warmth of his body for the second time that night and making love with his mouth like only Jin knew how to do it.

His whole body was trembling as Jin’s hands started to travel on his body, almost like soothing him as they both knew that a little pain would come soon, but Kazuya didn’t care about that. He could stand that as long as it meant that he was allowed to be with Jin once more. Jin was the only one who could touch him like this, who knew how to make him feel good and who was aware of Kazuya’s desires and wants. They completed each other in such a perfect way that they both felt like crumbling sometimes as they feared that everything was a dream and that all will end when they will least expect it.

A slight gasp left Kazuya’s lips as one finger entered him and his nails drew lines on Jin’s back as the older one continued to cover him with kisses, his other hand moving all over his lover’s body to make him forget about the slight pain that was trying him in that moment. “Jin.” Kazuya couldn’t help but call the other one’s name, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he got used once more with that strange feeling of having something inside of him. But while it was weird, it was also good because that was Jin, that was the man he loved and that was just the first step towards their becoming one and Kazuya only felt more nervous and anxious as he felt Jin’s fingers soothing his rear and preparing to add another one.

“Are you okay?” the older one asked and as soon as Kazuya nodded his head, another finger was added that made even Jin hold his breath, the tightness around his fingers increasing and almost pulling him in, like even Kazuya’s body couldn’t wait until the moment it will be reunited with Jin’s one. It had been a long time since he had done this, Jin realized, as he hadn’t bothered with preparing Kazuya at all when they were in the church and he couldn’t possibly remember if he had even thought of doing it when the younger one had come to him after having broken up with Ryo, only the pain from after that being left in his mind and not the memory of them becoming one.

That was why this time had to be special and Jin planned on engraving every bit of Kazuya in his mind. He had done this when they had first slept together too and now, as he pulled back his fingers and let them travel over the younger one’s body, touching him softly and brushing his fingertips over his sensitive spots, Jin noticed that not many things had changed and that Kazuya was still the same boy he had met almost four years ago. His nipples were as tiny as ever, he thought as he pinched them with his thumb and index fingers and thus earning a gasp from the other one, his navel was as cute as he remembered it to be, he continued with his examination, his long fingers drawing circles on Kazuya’s skin as they reached his belly and Jin leaned down to let his tongue sneak into the boy’s navel, the younger one’s hands immediately going to his hair and pulling on it as he moaned breathlessly.

“Jin…” Kazuya said, feeling like Jin was torturing him on purpose and that he had no intention of ever going through with this. “Please.” He continued, his hands still pulling on the older one’s locks as he wanted Jin to be above him and to feel his skin against his own, as he wanted the other one to be inside of him and him to take as much as he could of his lover, never to forget this sensation of being loved.

“I love you.” Jin whispered as he pulled himself up and his lips found Kazuya’s again, engaging into a slow and loving kiss as he positioned himself on top of the younger one and finally penetrated him - everything stopped for a moment. Kazuya held his breath in their kiss and Jin closed his eyes, only half of him inside the other one but already feeling like it blew his mind and it left him more breathless than ever. “God, I love you so much.” Jin continued as he resumed their kiss, a bit more forcing this time as he pushed all the way in, stopping to recover their breaths once more and to give Kazuya time to adjust properly.

The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Kazuya again with his rush and anxiousness.

“Are you okay?” Jin asked for the second time and that made Kazuya narrow his eyes at him, almost like scolding him without words.

“I’m going to be fine as long as you move.” The younger one replied, trying to muster a calm voice, but ending up speaking with a heavy and lustful one, the desire and passion written in his eyes and the love that he carried for the other one expressed on his face as Kazuya couldn’t possibly erase that stupid smile from his lips no matter what.

“Needy and impatient as ever.” Jin commented with a chuckle even if that was more like his own description, but it made him happy to know that his lover felt the same way - even if it might be this time because of how much he had teased the younger one. Kazuya didn’t have time to reply though as Jin started moving once more, slow for the first seconds and then letting himself be driven by the lust from his whole body and simply pounding into the other one, chasing both of their releases.

Their names were again whispered as they kissed again, moaning and holding onto each other as only lust remained behind to control them and to drive them into that sweet sensation that was called an orgasm, closing their eyes and feeling their entire bodies trembling at the powerful contact that had been created between the two of them that had earned them now an even more powerful orgasm.

Jin fell on top of Kazuya, still trying to regain his breath and still kissing the younger one wherever he could reach, his lips pressing short kisses all over Kazuya’s face and chest and hands, Jin wanting to remember the way Kazuya felt before and also after their love-making. In the end, the tiredness won and he moved a bit in bed, pulling the other one into his arms and continuing to kiss his addicting lips before sighing happily and just cuddling in bed with Kazuya.

Finally, it felt perfect.

“I missed you so much.” Jin mumbled into Kazuya’s ear, bringing the younger one even closer to him if that was possible and whispering the words as if they were a secret meant to be known only to the two of them.

Kazuya shivered in Jin’s arms, nuzzling himself into his warmth. “Me too.” He whispered back, kissing Jin’s bare shoulder, tasting the milky skin. “It took us a long way to get here…” He then added with a sigh, pulling back a little to be able to look into Jin’s eyes. “We’re such idiots.” Kazuya chuckled half sadly as he placed a kiss on the tip of Jin’s nose.

“Hmm…” Jin hummed as he closed his eyes, simply enjoying the fact that Kazuya was there with him and that they weren’t going to separate anymore. “You more than me.” He then stated with a smug grin on his lips, opening his eyes and looking at the younger one with a sheepish expression on his face.

Kazuya’s cheeks reddened a little. “True enough.” He mumbled with an embarrassed voice as he knew that Jin was right. If he hadn’t jumped to that conclusion three years ago, they would still have been together and all that unnecessary pain would have been avoided. “Why didn’t you give up on me after three years had passed?” Kazuya asked all of a sudden and even if he had lowered his eyes, he didn’t regret speaking.

Jin laughed, finding himself in the impossibility to answer. He couldn’t say exactly what had made him wait for the younger one for three years or why he had believed for so long in him even if he hadn’t had a clue from the other one for so long. “I guess…” Jin started to say and sighed as he couldn’t find his words. “I guess I didn’t want to believe that you would leave me without a reason.” He confessed and pulled Kazuya a little closer. “I thought that someone had told you something about me and you had left because of it. I knew that I’d find you someday, so all I had to do was to wait for you.” He explained, choosing to leave out the part where he had even refused to leave Japan, hoping that the younger one would come back soon and fearing that he won’t be there to greet him.

After hearing this, Kazuya could only embrace Jin tightly, hiding his face in the crook of his lover’s neck. “I was so stupid.” He mumbled with a slight sniff as he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to cry again for past’s mistakes. “I don’t deserve you, I’m so sorry…” He continued and scurried closer to Jin, never wanting to let go of this warmth he had come to love and cherish so much.

“You’re not the only one that needs to be sorry.” Jin admitted with a tired sigh, letting Kazuya cuddle at his chest as he offered him the comfort he needed, tracing lines with his hands on the younger one’s back. “I also hurt you and not just emotionally, but physically too.” He said, remembering that day in the church when Kazuya had been so cute and naïve complaining about the saints that were watching them while Jin had transformed into a devil and had abused the boy in that holy place. “I know that we’re both guilty, but we need to let go of those painful memories or else we’ll never be able to forget and be happy.” Jin continued with a serious tone, placing his index finger under Kazuya’s chin and making the boy look him in the eyes. “So promise me that you’ll stop apologizing for something that we both did wrong, okay?” he asked with a light smile and a gentle expression on his face.

Kazuya bit his lower lip as he held back his tears, giving a nod at what the other one had asked him. So he leaned in a little, tasting Jin’s lips for a few seconds. “Nee, Jin…” He breathed over his lover’s soft lips as he gazed into Jin’s dark orbs. “…what did you do with that picture you took of me n-naked?” He stuttered a little towards the end, lowering his eyes for a moment.

Jin choked with nothing and then he started laughing, looking with an amused gaze at the younger one. “Hmm… I wonder what did I do with it…” he said with a taunting voice, leaning down and capturing Kazuya’s lips between his own, still laughing against them and making Kazuya pout and hit him for it. “Why do you want to know this now?” Jin asked as he detached himself from the boy, his eyes set on Kazuya’s expression while they seemed to be dancing in joy and delight. And maybe a little mischief too.

“Well, since it’s my nude there, I’d like to have it back.” Kazuya replied with an as-a-matter-of-fact tone, though it was clear he was still embarrassed about letting such a thing happen, the blush in his cheeks being clear evidence to this. “You even blackmailed me with it…” He then whined a little, glancing at Jin with accusing eyes.

“Well…” Jin laughed, sounding like he wasn’t regretting that at all. “I had to say something to make you stay and it was the only thing that passed through my mind at that moment.” He admitted with a shrug, thinking that he would have done anything at that point to make Kazuya stay a little more and give Jin the chance to find out what was wrong between them.

Unfortunately, nothing had worked and Kazuya had needed yet again a stranger to come and tell him the truth just because he couldn’t believe in Jin.

He really should stop thinking about this.

“Besides,” Jin continued with the same accusing expression as the younger one as he looked back at Kazuya, “you know I wouldn’t have done anything and you were aware of the fact that you could leave whenever you wanted to because I would never do something to hurt you on purpose.” He said with an arched eyebrow, remembering the events from back then and how Kazuya hadn’t been that reluctant at all to give in to Jin. “You also wanted to stay, just admit it.” He proceeded to tease his lover, laughing softly and leaning closer to place his lips over the boy’s ones.

Kazuya blushed a little upon hearing Jin’s last remark, thinking that he wasn’t far away from the truth. “Actually…” He murmured close to Jin’s lips, his breath a little shaky. “…that was when I accepted that I still loved you.” He continued, his cheeks burning now a deeper shade of red. “I stayed because I wanted to prolong that moment between us a little longer until I’ll have to go back to Ryo.” He added and lowered his head with an ashamed expression. “I was the worst to both of you…” Kazuya gave a sad chuckle, clinging more to Jin as if he was afraid the older one would disappear any second now.

“I thought I told you to stop thinking about this.” Jin scolded the boy, a sigh escaping his lips at the mention of his best friend. “And I’m sure that Ryo already forgave you, it isn’t like him to hold a grudge onto someone.” He added with a light voice, wanting to encourage the younger one and to give him a little hope.

Kazuya sighed. “He probably did… after all, I don’t think he actually loved me. Cared about me, yes, love, not close enough.” He said with a light shrug, showing that he wasn’t bothered that much about Ryo not actually loving him. In the end, they had both used each other to ease something in their hearts.

“Hmm…” Jin seemed to ponder on what Kazuya had said. “You know, Ryo had been in love once.” He confessed and managed to attract the younger one’s attention with this new piece of information. “Come to think of it, she was pretty much like you. Beautiful, stubborn and extremely independent. It had taken Ryo a lot to make her accept him back, but he had been so happy when she had said yes…” he sighed and closed his eyes as he remembered that part of their past. They had been young, barely twenty, and just knowing the world. Even so, Ryo had fallen in love and he had fallen deep, not being able to forget her even now.

Maybe it wasn’t that surprising that he had seen her in Kazuya and had chosen to protect the boy over his best friend.

“Ah, I see.” Kazuya said with a thoughtful expression. “So we both tried to run away from our feelings.” He laughed shortly, wishing for a moment that Ryo would have shared this bit of his past with him. “Nee…” The younger one started as his fingers were doing patterns on Jin’s smooth chest. “What would you have done if I had really fallen for Ryo?” Kazuya asked and looked at his lover, hiding partially his smile at his question.

“Why are you asking me this now?” Jin asked back, not really wanting to answer such a question as he didn’t know what he would have done either. Nevertheless, he was sure that he wouldn’t have insisted that much if Kazuya had really been in love with Ryo. He would have probably just stepped away and let them be happy together.

“No reason. I’m just curious.” Kazuya said with a nonchalant tone as it really didn’t matter, he just asked that one a whim, mostly wanting to tease Jin and have him be all possessive over him. But Jin got smarter and didn’t fall in his trap, Kazuya mused with a sigh. “Although!” He supported his weight on his elbow as he stared down at Jin with an accusing expression. “If you weren’t here with me, I’d have all the right to think that you chose Ueda over me.” The younger continued with an upset pout forming on his lips.

Jin laughed and kissed Kazuya’s pout away. “That would be impossible.” He said and laughed some more when he saw the younger one’s incredulous gaze, the disbelief being clearly written in his brown orbs. “Tat-chan is one of my best friends, but he’s not in love with me and I don’t love him that way either.” He continued with an amused tone, happy to see once more that jealousy burning into Kazuya’s eyes. He had been too hurt to see it when the boy had come to his apartment and had caught them together and he hadn’t cared enough when he had told the other one that he had slept with Ueda. But now… Jin realized that he loved that spark from Kazuya’s eyes because it meant that he loved Jin and that he wouldn’t give him up for anyone in the world. “He’s just my manager and a good friend, trust me. After all, he had been the one to give you back the rings.” Jin proceeded to remind the younger one who exactly had been the one to bring them back together when Kazuya had been stupid once again and had thought that Jin had abandoned him like those rings.

“You slept with him.” Kazuya said on a whiny voice, looking all deflated and hurt because of this. “It was horrible seeing you with…” He didn’t continue, but instead he held Jin tightly again, hiding his face between his neck and shoulder only to bite a little harsher on the flesh, leaving a beautiful red mark behind.

“I know.” Jin simply said, his hands pulling Kazuya into him as he wanted to show this time how sorry he was through his body and not just with words. It hadn’t really been his fault that he had slept with Ueda as he had been hurt at that time and he would have done anything to push Kazuya away from his mind and forget about him. Ueda’s suggestion had seemed crazy at the time, but it had indeed helped Jin and it had made him see that he could still feel pleasure even if he wasn’t with the younger one.

Though this didn’t mean that he could still feel love too.

“But don’t be mad on him, he was just trying to help me.” Jin confessed and placed a short kiss on the boy’s forehead as he was already predicting that this won’t end well. “I was hurt, I was suffering and he had showed me a way to stop thinking.” He added, sighing as he remembered the morning after they had had sex. Jin had been tensed all the time while Ueda had been his usual playful self, saying jokes and making fun of Jin. “And I guess I wanted to hurt you too because I thought you slept with Ryo.” Jin continued and it was his turn to avert his eyes from Kazuya, biting his lips in nervousness.

“I never slept with Ryo. I couldn’t.” Kazuya shook his head fervently and before Jin could do anything, he was pushed down on the mattress, with the younger one on top of him. “Instead… you did it with Ueda.” He continued and pinched Jin’s sides, having the other one yelp under him. “You’re a horny bastard that only knows sex.” The younger man added and he lowered a little on Jin’s body so that he could bite on every bit of skin that his mouth could reach. “And you managed to hurt me enough.” Kazuya added with a whisper as his teeth found Jin’s nipple and pulled a little harder on the nub, having Jin whimper slightly.

The older one tried to move, tried to say something, but words failed him at that point. What was Kazuya saying was true, he had hurt the younger one maybe even more than Kazuya had hurt him. Because while Jin had kept his hope that the boy will someday return with an explanation for his behavior, Kazuya had lived for three years with his hopes crushed and turned into pieces just because Jin couldn’t keep his big mouth shut.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, not moving anymore and acting like it didn’t hurt at all the way Kazuya was trying to let him know that he was there. A bitter laugh escaped his lips and Jin lifted his right hand to cover his eyes, not feeling like he wanted to face Kazuya in that moment. He was feeling miserable thinking that he was the one to blame for all of this. He should have known that something was off with his best friend and he should have insisted on this matter, not to leave for America simply like that. He should have searched more for Kazuya - though he had wanted at one point to hire a detective but his friends had managed to make him see how big of a mistake that would have been - and he should have done a lot of things differently.

Kazuya had left and had hurt him by leaving Jin alone, by becoming Ryo’s lover and kissing his best friend in front of him. He had also said hurtful things and had made Jin feel like the most miserable person on Earth, but… Jin had hurt him more. He had slept with someone else - with some other guy - and he had slept with Kazuya in a church just to have him off his back. He had thrown water into the boy’s face, he had mocked him on television, he had hurt him again and again by rejecting him.

It was different after all. Because Jin was an idiot and he hadn’t thought that much of all the times that Kazuya had rejected him. But Kazuya… Jin was sure that Kazuya had suffered much more every time Jin had rejected him, driving him to the point where he hadn’t cared about his well being and had slept outside in the cold just to convince Jin to listen to him.

“God, what are we doing?” Jin laughed bitterly, his voice sounding like he was suppressing a cry as he continued to hide his face from the other one. “We’ve hurt each other so much that we’ll never be able to forget about it.” He said, sounding like this truth was crushing him inside and outside too as he was looking devastated in this moment. “I’ll never forget that you went away with my best friend and you’ll never forgive me for having slept with another man.” He stated, contradictory feelings trying him as his heart starting hurting once more at this realization. He had forgiven Kazuya for being with Ryo and he hadn’t been that bothered about it then, but now that they were talking about it, Jin couldn’t help but be jealous and angry on the other one because he had stolen Kazuya away from him.

“Eh?” Kazuya looked at Jin confused, not understanding why was Jin saying this now when he had said from the beginning that they shouldn’t be thinking in the past and just face the future and live the present. Sure, Kazuya had insisted on talking about things that had happened, but only because they had never talked about them properly, trusting each other that the other one was telling the truth. He gently took Jin’s hand away from his eyes and leaned to kiss each one of his fingers. “Baby.” Kazuya whispered, nuzzling their noses together. “Don’t say such things. What happened is in the past now, I’m sorry for bringing everything up. I just felt we had to talk about it…” He continued with a small sigh, caressing Jin’s cheek and pressing some kisses on his nose. “Jin, I love you no matter what happened between us.” Kazuya looked at Jin, wanting the older one to look back at him and to see that he was serious and that it didn’t matter - anymore - if Jin had slept with Ueda or other people. In the end, they were still together, right?

“I know.” Jin repeated as he slowly allowed himself to look back at Kazuya, his eyes full of uncertainty but also of desire to make up and to be able to leave all of their suffering behind. “I know that you love me and you also know that I love too, but can we really forget about everything? Can we really push aside all the bad feelings and remember only the good ones?” he asked, shaking his head in an insecure way, following the motion with a deep sigh as his hands pulled Kazuya on top of him. “I’m afraid that I’ll always doubt you if I see you with Ryo again. I’m scared that you’ll disappear again if you see me with Ueda. I don’t even want to think what would happen if you’d go back to Japan and I’d be forced to stay here.” Jin admitted and as soon as he finished his worries, he continued without any second thought with - “Stay here.” The older one asked with a low and pleading voice, looking like he wouldn’t want anything more than this. “Stay here with me and come with me to see the world.”

Kazuya looked at Jin slightly surprised as he hadn’t thought that far, but it seemed that Jin apparently had. He leaned in and kissed Jin lovingly, deeply, pouring every emotion he held for the singer. “Okay.” Kazuya murmured against the older one’s lips, pecking them from time to time, his hands now playing in his lover’s slightly curled hair. “Show me the world.” He chuckled, looking at Jin with starry and full of love eyes while the other one seemed to be dancing with joy, the wide smile and the sparkling eyes saying how happy he actually was as his grip tightened on the younger one’s waist, pulling him down into another kiss and laughing into it as their tongues met into a slow and maddening dance.

If it was for Jin, he wouldn’t mind leaving everything behind and just go with him, Kazuya thought with a fast beating heart as he answered to Jin’s kiss with the same passion. This time, he won’t hesitate anymore.

Neither one of them will.

*

PART IV