(no subject)
So apparently im not even a friend anymore. I guess i was wrong about everything. If you want me to give up so bad..fine..you got it. I give up. Shit i dont know what to do anymore. Maybe i should just give it up and realize that shes never going to come back to me. Thats what everyone else keeps telling me anyway. Its just that I see something in her eyes everytime i see her. A hint of something. That makes me want to keep trying-that maybe i have a chance. Maybe im crazy. I kind of felt like livejournal was the last tie that i had to her..and she de-friended me. I just dont understand. I kind of felt like we were working some things out. Im so confused. And hurt. And i feel failed. or maybe even betrayed. At least I loved her enough not to give up. Is this it? Am I just supposed to say some cliche-ish thing to myself like there are more people out there and then move on? How am i supposed to forget her when every face i see is hers and im reminded of her with every corner i turn? When i feel this twinge in my heart even in my own room when im by myself. She belongs in my life. And I dont know if I can get over that. I need her..after two years, shes become like air to me. And now I feel like im suffocating. So Im left with the question why. Why did things have to happen the way that they did, why couldnt i see past them and myself, why couldnt she understand what was happening to me, why cant i fix it and make it better, why cant she at least try, why has she given up on our love, why is she doing this now, why cant she see me, why cant i make her understand? I have no answers. And it seems tragic to me-like it could have been avoided at any point-even now. Especially now. That if we could just spend some time together that we would realize what it was that made us fall in love in the first place. So i guess this is pretty much my last stand-if i still cant get her to see it-then i guess thats it. Im Hopeful....