Clearing my head
Im trying to make a list of things that im happy about, a list of things that im sad about, and a list of things that im angry about..so here goes:
happy happy joy joy-
i have the love and affection of the one person i have ever met that 1)truly gets me, 2)loves me for me, and 3)i want to share my life with
for once my mother is happy with the person she loves
ive been making money left and right through various things(nothing bad)
ive started playing golf and i got a birdie on a 495 yd hole today
i TRULY have nothing left to hide or hide from
ive started working out again and i feel better
my dad isnt going to jail for irs fraud
my grandmother finally figured out how to shut up when she should(sometimes)
school is going to start soon
anna is going to be coming back soon
im gaining trust back through doing things that i should be doing and taking responsibility
ive pretty much completely stopped drinking pop
ive gotten better at playing the guitar and singing-as well as doing both at the same time
on a sadder note-
anna and i have been having trouble on the home front
my mom has too much to worry about
my dad is leaving in august to go to texas with mickie
i feel like im slipping away from all of my close friends
i dont have a job and i need one
i have to go to clark for the first half of the year next year(but ill still be in choir which is good)
my driving record is horrible
i havent talked to my brother in months and im sure that hes being taken advantage of
i have three dentist appts-1.surgery consult for wisdom teeth,2.get caveties filled,3.braces consult-not to mention the actualy surgery or the numerous braces thingies
i get really bad headaches every day now and even when i dont have the bad ones, my head usually hurts more than usual.
im tired constantly because every time i get my sleep schedule back on track, i have to go to the airport at 3 in the morning to pick someone up and it screws it all up
i need to stop swearing
im worried about my mom because she has been drinking constantly when she gets home, and then smokes once shes drunk-and i think shes turned both into a habit
im almost completely sure that annas parents totally despise me and i think its rubbing off
the radio in my truck is now busted and i think im gonna have to buy a new one
all my old exes are starting to call me or get in touch with me and its a little weird
i owe money to three different places and i dont have a checking account anymore
i feel like nobody appreciates me or any of the things i do
my dad is having heart problems again and its got me worried
i feel like my moral and mental strength is slipping
you wouldnt like me when im angry-
the fact that my dad does exactly what he wants to do without 1.reason, 2.consulting others, or 3.without any remorse or conscience at all
we got screwed out of 1500 dollars because the guy we sold the trailer to decided he wasnt going to pay it and wanted to be an asshole-and my dad just layed down and took it in the ribs
no one takes anything i say seriously-they all just kind of pat me on the head and say *thats nice* and go about whatever it was they were doing before i "interrupted" them
im just a kid in too many peoples eyes and because of that i automatically have a lower capacity for rational thought as far as anyone else is concerned
the entire situation with our country and the world as a whole-there isnt any value or moral to anything anymore-its all about who has the bigger weapon and whos gonna use theirs to kill millions of innocent people-and with that going on, were worried about gay marriage?
George W. Bush
that impatience is the number one contributing factor to the shit hole that our society has become-everyone is either trying to get rich or trying to get through that red light so that they can have 15 more seconds of free time drinking their coffee, that i might add, is going to give them a caffeine addiction and cause their colon to shrivel up to the size of a raisin by the time their kids get out of college-meanwhile they end up not getting through the red light and killing a nice, quiet family of four on their way to the opera
i hate peas-always have
im angry that im the only person in my fucking house that takes any initiative to make the damn place better-better to live in or better to sell i cant even say which anymore-another thing im angry about
no one ever listens to me-i already said this one i know but it needs to be repeated
my uncle thinks that im 10 and that since hes visiting he can tell me what to do in my house when i do more around here than anybody else combined-i dont think so dicky
im frustrated to the point of anger in a lot of areas of my life and that makes me even more angry that i get angry because im frustrated
im angry at myself-or maybe disappointed in myself-because i sometimes cant keep it all together mentally and i get visibly irritable and angry with everyone
i think thats it for now--but theres always tomorrow
im gonna get some food-peace out..
also i notice that there are more things that i am sad and angry about than happy-is that healthy?
happy happy joy joy-
i have the love and affection of the one person i have ever met that 1)truly gets me, 2)loves me for me, and 3)i want to share my life with
for once my mother is happy with the person she loves
ive been making money left and right through various things(nothing bad)
ive started playing golf and i got a birdie on a 495 yd hole today
i TRULY have nothing left to hide or hide from
ive started working out again and i feel better
my dad isnt going to jail for irs fraud
my grandmother finally figured out how to shut up when she should(sometimes)
school is going to start soon
anna is going to be coming back soon
im gaining trust back through doing things that i should be doing and taking responsibility
ive pretty much completely stopped drinking pop
ive gotten better at playing the guitar and singing-as well as doing both at the same time
on a sadder note-
anna and i have been having trouble on the home front
my mom has too much to worry about
my dad is leaving in august to go to texas with mickie
i feel like im slipping away from all of my close friends
i dont have a job and i need one
i have to go to clark for the first half of the year next year(but ill still be in choir which is good)
my driving record is horrible
i havent talked to my brother in months and im sure that hes being taken advantage of
i have three dentist appts-1.surgery consult for wisdom teeth,2.get caveties filled,3.braces consult-not to mention the actualy surgery or the numerous braces thingies
i get really bad headaches every day now and even when i dont have the bad ones, my head usually hurts more than usual.
im tired constantly because every time i get my sleep schedule back on track, i have to go to the airport at 3 in the morning to pick someone up and it screws it all up
i need to stop swearing
im worried about my mom because she has been drinking constantly when she gets home, and then smokes once shes drunk-and i think shes turned both into a habit
im almost completely sure that annas parents totally despise me and i think its rubbing off
the radio in my truck is now busted and i think im gonna have to buy a new one
all my old exes are starting to call me or get in touch with me and its a little weird
i owe money to three different places and i dont have a checking account anymore
i feel like nobody appreciates me or any of the things i do
my dad is having heart problems again and its got me worried
i feel like my moral and mental strength is slipping
you wouldnt like me when im angry-
the fact that my dad does exactly what he wants to do without 1.reason, 2.consulting others, or 3.without any remorse or conscience at all
we got screwed out of 1500 dollars because the guy we sold the trailer to decided he wasnt going to pay it and wanted to be an asshole-and my dad just layed down and took it in the ribs
no one takes anything i say seriously-they all just kind of pat me on the head and say *thats nice* and go about whatever it was they were doing before i "interrupted" them
im just a kid in too many peoples eyes and because of that i automatically have a lower capacity for rational thought as far as anyone else is concerned
the entire situation with our country and the world as a whole-there isnt any value or moral to anything anymore-its all about who has the bigger weapon and whos gonna use theirs to kill millions of innocent people-and with that going on, were worried about gay marriage?
George W. Bush
that impatience is the number one contributing factor to the shit hole that our society has become-everyone is either trying to get rich or trying to get through that red light so that they can have 15 more seconds of free time drinking their coffee, that i might add, is going to give them a caffeine addiction and cause their colon to shrivel up to the size of a raisin by the time their kids get out of college-meanwhile they end up not getting through the red light and killing a nice, quiet family of four on their way to the opera
i hate peas-always have
im angry that im the only person in my fucking house that takes any initiative to make the damn place better-better to live in or better to sell i cant even say which anymore-another thing im angry about
no one ever listens to me-i already said this one i know but it needs to be repeated
my uncle thinks that im 10 and that since hes visiting he can tell me what to do in my house when i do more around here than anybody else combined-i dont think so dicky
im frustrated to the point of anger in a lot of areas of my life and that makes me even more angry that i get angry because im frustrated
im angry at myself-or maybe disappointed in myself-because i sometimes cant keep it all together mentally and i get visibly irritable and angry with everyone
i think thats it for now--but theres always tomorrow
im gonna get some food-peace out..
also i notice that there are more things that i am sad and angry about than happy-is that healthy?