How can I be so strong for someone when I have nothing?
I just came back from an interesting yet not entirely fullfilling get together at Brenda's and Tim's with my friend Jen. I mean we talked about all sorts of stuff and it was fun and I laughed and enjoyed my friends more, but once again as always I couldnt really enjoy myself. My mind would either lead to Justin or think about the future and if I am ever going to be happy. It's really quite difficult for me sometimes to really enjoy myself anymore without being entirely heart broken all the time. I mean how long does it truly take to get over someone and it takes some people longer than others I know but sometimes I feel as if some depressing weight is just ontop of me smothering me.
My mom was once again for the second time I think within a month messed up on pills and it was extremely hard for me not to yell at her when I got back home tonight. I just got so angry with her and told her that it wasn't cool to be doing this to herself and she was crying and feeling upset and I dunno it's just so hard for me to see her cry because I see so many of my own personal problems in her. After eventually talkiing to her and being mad I came back out of room and hugged her and told her not to worry about school next fall that she would do well and some how I managed to be so strong for her even though I feel as if I have no strength left because I am so afraid of my future and of my own personal happiness.
I am thinking seriously about going to Canada and moving to Toronto with Brenda and Tim should they actually plan on doing that. I know it seems like it's really far but Canada has so many more things to offer me in terms of equality and national beliefs.
It's just hard for me now to get so close to some people but so far away from others. I'm not exactly sure why it does but sometimes it is very hard.
Well I am getting better just sometimes all I want so badly is to meet someone but I'm not really sure in the end if that's what I want.
---- I did find out that I had a check for 50 dollars at work today though which was a very positive thing >
My mom was once again for the second time I think within a month messed up on pills and it was extremely hard for me not to yell at her when I got back home tonight. I just got so angry with her and told her that it wasn't cool to be doing this to herself and she was crying and feeling upset and I dunno it's just so hard for me to see her cry because I see so many of my own personal problems in her. After eventually talkiing to her and being mad I came back out of room and hugged her and told her not to worry about school next fall that she would do well and some how I managed to be so strong for her even though I feel as if I have no strength left because I am so afraid of my future and of my own personal happiness.
I am thinking seriously about going to Canada and moving to Toronto with Brenda and Tim should they actually plan on doing that. I know it seems like it's really far but Canada has so many more things to offer me in terms of equality and national beliefs.
It's just hard for me now to get so close to some people but so far away from others. I'm not exactly sure why it does but sometimes it is very hard.
Well I am getting better just sometimes all I want so badly is to meet someone but I'm not really sure in the end if that's what I want.
---- I did find out that I had a check for 50 dollars at work today though which was a very positive thing >