Written up at work.... family circle.... and life in general
So today the action finally came that I knew was coming, Shannon wrote me up for being late. It's not like this was a surprise by any means or a shock, I totally expected it. Yet, the feeling I had wasn't what I expected. Instead of feeling guilty or a great desire to change I just honestly didn't care or have any interest in it. I realize now that I honestly am not enjoying the job anymore for some reason. Whether it be getting onlines all the time and being pressured to get one every single shift, or just the constant influx of fucking assholes. Sometimes I wish that I could just have a job like Steven's and never have to deal with customers.
Speaking of Steven I just recently received his novel and I look forward to the stories I'm going to find in it. It just seems so impressive to me that Steven decided to take a shot at doing what he loves and that he's 100% pleased with the art that he has created. It has been a real sense of inspiration for me, because at some point I'd like to do films.
On other friends Julien is supposed to come down here for Family Cirlce , but I'll believe that one when I see it concidering he hasn't made an effort to come down here in almost a full year. It seems to me that it's becoming increasingly and more difficult to keep up with the people I love. It seems that every time I see one or make up with another it has been two months since I've seen another vital friend.
I just still feel like I have no purpose in my life and no real sense of normalcy or standard that my life should be set by. It just seems shocking to me at age 21 I understood and completely felt the same way about life and love as Steven did a few nights ago at Tsunamis. It scares me to feel this way. I mean it took steven over a decade longer to eventually get to this point, but I'm already there? What does that leave for me in the end then?
In terms of other things. Neil's trip here went off amazingly and for once in over the past 2 months I've actually had some time to myself. It was first my brithday, then Josh was here for a week, then I met Rob, then Neil was here for a week ontop of Gia and Nicole being in town. It just seemed like I constantly had someone different staying in my room with me every week lol.
One good thing is though. I've found new interest and vigor in WOW. I enjoy the game a lot more and I feel myself becoming a lot more serious about it towards the lvl I was last year.
Family Circle is next weekend and Im looking forward to it a lot. I think it should be a enjoyable and somewhat interesting eperience for me. It will be the first time in the past several years going alone and single and the first time back since Justin broke up with me...
Speaking on Justin, still no word from him since dec 28th. I suppose one of his new years resolutions was to stop speaking with me. It honestly doesn't bother me that much anymore, just when i get lonely I sometimes think about the compaionship i had with him and how close we were and i wonder if i'll ever have that again. To have someone love me that much. I thought Rob was the next one, the next big step but that as always blew up in my fac.... 6 guys since Justin and not one of them has lasted more than 3 weeks. It would just be nice to stop losing games and maybe actually win one. I'll be interested to see if i hear from Justin this summer or not when Kenneth goes back home, but honestly as the more time goes by I dont wanna hear from him, because I know now and understand that things will never be how they were and that he's different now and I'm actually happy without us, yet I still cant deny that come the day i find out he has moved to California I know i will feel that it is finally over and I have dredded that day for so long now.......
My Mom is doing really well and seems to be holding up a lot better about all of it than I ever would have thought. She really is an amazing person. Hopefully by the end of this year her major surgeries will be over and she will finally be able to take the jack ass to court who hit her. Then I think she will finally be able to come to terms with what happened to her.
Anyways im going to sleep....................
Speaking of Steven I just recently received his novel and I look forward to the stories I'm going to find in it. It just seems so impressive to me that Steven decided to take a shot at doing what he loves and that he's 100% pleased with the art that he has created. It has been a real sense of inspiration for me, because at some point I'd like to do films.
On other friends Julien is supposed to come down here for Family Cirlce , but I'll believe that one when I see it concidering he hasn't made an effort to come down here in almost a full year. It seems to me that it's becoming increasingly and more difficult to keep up with the people I love. It seems that every time I see one or make up with another it has been two months since I've seen another vital friend.
I just still feel like I have no purpose in my life and no real sense of normalcy or standard that my life should be set by. It just seems shocking to me at age 21 I understood and completely felt the same way about life and love as Steven did a few nights ago at Tsunamis. It scares me to feel this way. I mean it took steven over a decade longer to eventually get to this point, but I'm already there? What does that leave for me in the end then?
In terms of other things. Neil's trip here went off amazingly and for once in over the past 2 months I've actually had some time to myself. It was first my brithday, then Josh was here for a week, then I met Rob, then Neil was here for a week ontop of Gia and Nicole being in town. It just seemed like I constantly had someone different staying in my room with me every week lol.
One good thing is though. I've found new interest and vigor in WOW. I enjoy the game a lot more and I feel myself becoming a lot more serious about it towards the lvl I was last year.
Family Circle is next weekend and Im looking forward to it a lot. I think it should be a enjoyable and somewhat interesting eperience for me. It will be the first time in the past several years going alone and single and the first time back since Justin broke up with me...
Speaking on Justin, still no word from him since dec 28th. I suppose one of his new years resolutions was to stop speaking with me. It honestly doesn't bother me that much anymore, just when i get lonely I sometimes think about the compaionship i had with him and how close we were and i wonder if i'll ever have that again. To have someone love me that much. I thought Rob was the next one, the next big step but that as always blew up in my fac.... 6 guys since Justin and not one of them has lasted more than 3 weeks. It would just be nice to stop losing games and maybe actually win one. I'll be interested to see if i hear from Justin this summer or not when Kenneth goes back home, but honestly as the more time goes by I dont wanna hear from him, because I know now and understand that things will never be how they were and that he's different now and I'm actually happy without us, yet I still cant deny that come the day i find out he has moved to California I know i will feel that it is finally over and I have dredded that day for so long now.......
My Mom is doing really well and seems to be holding up a lot better about all of it than I ever would have thought. She really is an amazing person. Hopefully by the end of this year her major surgeries will be over and she will finally be able to take the jack ass to court who hit her. Then I think she will finally be able to come to terms with what happened to her.
Anyways im going to sleep....................