QQ moar nub!
And so I shall...
I just need a nice healthy venting session so I can move on from a few things.
So RISD is officially the worst financial choice of my life. Can't say I regret it because, well... it was the best for me in many other aspects. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. Basically after freaking ut about money in the last post, Bran and I found out we were in for a pretty hefty tax refund. Well, they ganked it and put it toward my loans without asking. Just sent us a letter in the mail... Kthanx. Now I feel like a jerk because it's really not my husband's place to be paying for my education. I know, when you get married - what's mine is yours ect... but I'm one of those proud people - at least where money is concerned. It bothers me to owe people. And already feel as if I owe a good amount of people in this life.
Started reading Water for Elephants, amongst the tons of other books I've started. I'm liking it so far.
Eden's 6 months old today. And that officially was the fastest half year of my life. Blink of an eye seriously. We had a doctor appointment today with more shots. : / Not my favorite aspect. Unfortunately for me my pediatrician doesn't follow the same child rearing belief system that I have established. (I would switch but I can't seem to find any in the area that follow what I believe, that also take my insurance.) This is fine with me as I'm fairly confident that I know what's best for Eden (as I know her best - until she can make educated choices for herself.) and I'm pretty good about letting the advice that I don't wish to follow roll off my shoulder. But my mother-in-law was there for most of it, and now she won't get off my case about the cry-it-out method. She says I need to do it so that when people baby sit she'll sleep through the night. No offense - but I'm not too worried about the one night a month when someone might babysit her. I'm a firm believer of going with your gut. By her crys I can tell if she's going to fall back asleep or not - and if she's seriously screaming her head off with tears streaming down her face - I'm not going to sit by and do nothing. Even if that means her needing me well into her childhood. I signed up for this... I'm going to do my best for her. (No offense of course to any mothers who have used the cry it out method. I'm sure it works, it's just not for me.)
Then there's me.
I'm so exhausted with not being able to be myself. If I was given a free day - without a baby, without a husband - I don't think I could remember how to just be me. Having a child will definitely send you through one of those middle school type identity crisis. I need to do some form of art before I lose it. I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure where my art is involved. My mother is so confident that I can profit off of it. Can't really profit off of something you never do, and it's been so long. What if it's broken? Seriously... it could be. Starting in April every Sat I'll be painting with my aunt - so that should solve this... hunger.
I should stop playing WoW. There are so many other things I want to do. But I'm a junkie. Too much time and effort has gone into it - I can't just stop. :P Plus - my only down time is when she's napping and there's little else I can do besides WoW and surfing the interwebs. (Do they still say surfing - or is that an early ninties term for it?)
I've been ill lately. It's sucked. I haven't been sick in a long while. Feels like it's going away now. (*knock on wood* of course...) Bran's been working long hours. I feel disconnected from everyone. Even the guy I live with. You know... the random guy I live with. Even Bran. I let it get this way, but I'm not sure how it could have been done any other way... or how to fix it now. Everyone's so busy. I guess this is growing up...
I just want to keep typing. This is wonderfully relaxing. Sitting and thinking and typing with two hands. It's enjoyable. Fluid. Like dancing... I miss dancing. Although - Eden's doing this head bob thing and I think she's trying. It's so cute. She does it whenever I dance. <3 She's really something wonderful.
I just need a nice healthy venting session so I can move on from a few things.
So RISD is officially the worst financial choice of my life. Can't say I regret it because, well... it was the best for me in many other aspects. I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. Basically after freaking ut about money in the last post, Bran and I found out we were in for a pretty hefty tax refund. Well, they ganked it and put it toward my loans without asking. Just sent us a letter in the mail... Kthanx. Now I feel like a jerk because it's really not my husband's place to be paying for my education. I know, when you get married - what's mine is yours ect... but I'm one of those proud people - at least where money is concerned. It bothers me to owe people. And already feel as if I owe a good amount of people in this life.
Started reading Water for Elephants, amongst the tons of other books I've started. I'm liking it so far.
Eden's 6 months old today. And that officially was the fastest half year of my life. Blink of an eye seriously. We had a doctor appointment today with more shots. : / Not my favorite aspect. Unfortunately for me my pediatrician doesn't follow the same child rearing belief system that I have established. (I would switch but I can't seem to find any in the area that follow what I believe, that also take my insurance.) This is fine with me as I'm fairly confident that I know what's best for Eden (as I know her best - until she can make educated choices for herself.) and I'm pretty good about letting the advice that I don't wish to follow roll off my shoulder. But my mother-in-law was there for most of it, and now she won't get off my case about the cry-it-out method. She says I need to do it so that when people baby sit she'll sleep through the night. No offense - but I'm not too worried about the one night a month when someone might babysit her. I'm a firm believer of going with your gut. By her crys I can tell if she's going to fall back asleep or not - and if she's seriously screaming her head off with tears streaming down her face - I'm not going to sit by and do nothing. Even if that means her needing me well into her childhood. I signed up for this... I'm going to do my best for her. (No offense of course to any mothers who have used the cry it out method. I'm sure it works, it's just not for me.)
Then there's me.
I'm so exhausted with not being able to be myself. If I was given a free day - without a baby, without a husband - I don't think I could remember how to just be me. Having a child will definitely send you through one of those middle school type identity crisis. I need to do some form of art before I lose it. I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure where my art is involved. My mother is so confident that I can profit off of it. Can't really profit off of something you never do, and it's been so long. What if it's broken? Seriously... it could be. Starting in April every Sat I'll be painting with my aunt - so that should solve this... hunger.
I should stop playing WoW. There are so many other things I want to do. But I'm a junkie. Too much time and effort has gone into it - I can't just stop. :P Plus - my only down time is when she's napping and there's little else I can do besides WoW and surfing the interwebs. (Do they still say surfing - or is that an early ninties term for it?)
I've been ill lately. It's sucked. I haven't been sick in a long while. Feels like it's going away now. (*knock on wood* of course...) Bran's been working long hours. I feel disconnected from everyone. Even the guy I live with. You know... the random guy I live with. Even Bran. I let it get this way, but I'm not sure how it could have been done any other way... or how to fix it now. Everyone's so busy. I guess this is growing up...
I just want to keep typing. This is wonderfully relaxing. Sitting and thinking and typing with two hands. It's enjoyable. Fluid. Like dancing... I miss dancing. Although - Eden's doing this head bob thing and I think she's trying. It's so cute. She does it whenever I dance. <3 She's really something wonderful.