More random shit from the internet that I found funny, OR, Lets all go to hell!
If you read Something Awful, you're probably already aware of this, if not, oh man.
So someone on the Something Awful forums apparently came across this website, http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch.html which offers photoshop retouching for pictures of child beauty pagent contestants. Apparently award winning photoshop retouching. If this were an isolated website one could write it off as being just the work of jet another internet loony. But there many, many of these websites out there, and one can only imagine countless more which have not yet made it onto the internet. The photos themselves are horrifying and are followed by equally bizarre lists of what "corrections" were performed and sound more like a mechanic's work list than anything having to do with a child. Looking at the photos is like staring directly into the soulless void that is middle america. Some examples:
This Enhancement Includes:
*Mouth Replaced
*Hair Replaced
*Tears removed
*Lashes added
*Stray hairs removed
*Eye liner added
*Eye shadow, lipstick, and blush added
*Facial powder added
*Brows shaped
*Skin blended
*Dark circles removed
*"Doll Eyes" added
*Background changed
*Shadows removed
*Photo angled, brightened, sharped
This Photo Enhancement Includes:
*Skin blending
*Eye color deepened
*Eyes brightened and sharpened
*Catch lights added/ red- eye removed
*Dark circles lightened
*Lashes added
*Lip line corrected
This Enhancement Includes:
*Dark circles removed
*Brows replaced
*Facial powder added
*Blush added
*Lipstick added
*Eye Shadow added
*Stray hairs removed
*Eye color deepened
*Lashes added
*Skin lightly tanned
*Background custom designed
*Extra stones added to both bows
*Frayed edges & lose string removed from bow
*Photo sharpened
*Deeper overall contrast
*Photo zoomed, cropped, and brightened
Expression Change
**From Sad to Serious
This Photo Enhancement Includes:
**Brows tilted and shaped
**Frown lines around mouth and forehead removed
**Redness in eyes cleared away
**Corners of mouth turned upward
*Stray hairs removed
*Dark circles removed
*Lipstick line corrected
*Lashes added
*Skin blended
*Blush added
*Photo zoomed & cropped
*Photo brightened & sharpened
That last one in particular was remarkably disturbing in a way that was not quite quantifiable until one forum member remarked that it was like seeing through the eyes of a child molester: on the left is reality, and on the right is what the molester sees.
Now anyone familiar with Something Awful and it's Photoshop Phriday (much like Worth1000 or the Fark photoshopping contests) should know that SA's community hosts some formidable photoshopping talent which would surely be encited to action by these amature monstrosities.
The responses ranged from the subtle:
(The joke's in the filename)
To the referential:
For fourteen dollars extra, Ricky can put a rose on top of the brandy snifter!
To the text based:
To the less subtle:
To the even less suble:
To "holy crap, I'm going to hell":
This looks like a lucrative new business opportunity and I think I have the skills necessary to be successful. So if there are any parents here on SA who are thinking, "I'd love to put my child in a beauty pageant but she's just not pretty enough", think again! With my help, even a starving African child can make it in the cut-throat world of child beauty pageants..
Original
New and improved retouched version
* Brows shaped
* Lipstick added
* Smile added
* Saucy pink beret added
* Diamond earrings added
* Dolls Eyes
* Lashes added
* Teeth whitened
* All signs of natural human skin texture removed
In case you were wondering what the retouching would do to a potato
Someone else:
Original:
http://www.asjarra.com/files/tig/updates/vulture.jpg
Fixed:
http://imagesocket.com/view/Vulture_Kevin_Carter_fixed0d2.jpg
New and improved retouched version
* Skin lightened
* Baby clothed and fed for 12 months
* Vulture replaced with swan
* Dusty bare ground replaced with lush green grass
Good times. Begining of thread here.
So someone on the Something Awful forums apparently came across this website, http://www.naturalbeautiescontest.homestead.com/retouch.html which offers photoshop retouching for pictures of child beauty pagent contestants. Apparently award winning photoshop retouching. If this were an isolated website one could write it off as being just the work of jet another internet loony. But there many, many of these websites out there, and one can only imagine countless more which have not yet made it onto the internet. The photos themselves are horrifying and are followed by equally bizarre lists of what "corrections" were performed and sound more like a mechanic's work list than anything having to do with a child. Looking at the photos is like staring directly into the soulless void that is middle america. Some examples:
This Enhancement Includes:
*Mouth Replaced
*Hair Replaced
*Tears removed
*Lashes added
*Stray hairs removed
*Eye liner added
*Eye shadow, lipstick, and blush added
*Facial powder added
*Brows shaped
*Skin blended
*Dark circles removed
*"Doll Eyes" added
*Background changed
*Shadows removed
*Photo angled, brightened, sharped
This Photo Enhancement Includes:
*Skin blending
*Eye color deepened
*Eyes brightened and sharpened
*Catch lights added/ red- eye removed
*Dark circles lightened
*Lashes added
*Lip line corrected
This Enhancement Includes:
*Dark circles removed
*Brows replaced
*Facial powder added
*Blush added
*Lipstick added
*Eye Shadow added
*Stray hairs removed
*Eye color deepened
*Lashes added
*Skin lightly tanned
*Background custom designed
*Extra stones added to both bows
*Frayed edges & lose string removed from bow
*Photo sharpened
*Deeper overall contrast
*Photo zoomed, cropped, and brightened
Expression Change
**From Sad to Serious
This Photo Enhancement Includes:
**Brows tilted and shaped
**Frown lines around mouth and forehead removed
**Redness in eyes cleared away
**Corners of mouth turned upward
*Stray hairs removed
*Dark circles removed
*Lipstick line corrected
*Lashes added
*Skin blended
*Blush added
*Photo zoomed & cropped
*Photo brightened & sharpened
That last one in particular was remarkably disturbing in a way that was not quite quantifiable until one forum member remarked that it was like seeing through the eyes of a child molester: on the left is reality, and on the right is what the molester sees.
Now anyone familiar with Something Awful and it's Photoshop Phriday (much like Worth1000 or the Fark photoshopping contests) should know that SA's community hosts some formidable photoshopping talent which would surely be encited to action by these amature monstrosities.
The responses ranged from the subtle:
(The joke's in the filename)
To the referential:
For fourteen dollars extra, Ricky can put a rose on top of the brandy snifter!
To the text based:
To the less subtle:
To the even less suble:
To "holy crap, I'm going to hell":
This looks like a lucrative new business opportunity and I think I have the skills necessary to be successful. So if there are any parents here on SA who are thinking, "I'd love to put my child in a beauty pageant but she's just not pretty enough", think again! With my help, even a starving African child can make it in the cut-throat world of child beauty pageants..
Original
New and improved retouched version
* Brows shaped
* Lipstick added
* Smile added
* Saucy pink beret added
* Diamond earrings added
* Dolls Eyes
* Lashes added
* Teeth whitened
* All signs of natural human skin texture removed
In case you were wondering what the retouching would do to a potato
Someone else:
Original:
http://www.asjarra.com/files/tig/updates/vulture.jpg
Fixed:
http://imagesocket.com/view/Vulture_Kevin_Carter_fixed0d2.jpg
New and improved retouched version
* Skin lightened
* Baby clothed and fed for 12 months
* Vulture replaced with swan
* Dusty bare ground replaced with lush green grass
Good times. Begining of thread here.