(no subject)
I feel tired.... occasionally physically, but mostly psychologically. My mind constantly flitters with much random thoughts, making it difficult for me to fully focus my thoughts at times and it hurts. God it hurts so bad! Everyday I can just feel my spirit inside screaming out loud at the frustration. When I look around at times, everything seems to be a mass of blurring movement. Not in terms of physical movement, but more of a more metaphorical sense where life seems to be a chain of events that are not registering fully on me. I would so have loved to put the blame on the one particular problem I have been having. How greatly do I wish I can truely say that I hate him...but I cannot. Once I asked myself if I truely did love him. Now i can only say that i definitely did not nor do I currently hate him. The only animosity and bitterness I probably have in my are those towards myself.
Dammit Dammit Dammit
And the worse thing? Probably all the people who have so far given their "opinions" on the matter have not brought me any peace at all. Dont get me wrong, It is not that i do not appreciate your concern or opinion. Its just that all the god damned advice i have received so far are, in my opinion, CRAP. Of all the things that i do not need to hear are things like "its time to give up" or "you need to get back on your feet" etc etc. Any IDIOT would already know all those. Fine call me an idiot of you like. After all, if anything, i have been made a fool by life itself.
I have all my life believed in karma. And yet at times i wonder, have i caused so much evil to deserve such a payback? Little by little i can feel my emotions slowly draining away. Unfeeling, cold.. thats one state i really do not wish to end up in. If anything in the past I believe that I have be honest with my emotions, guarded as they may be. Perhaps thats one of the reasons why I am still unable to let go of him. I feel that if i do finally manage to let go, I would be also giving up the last shred of love that exists in me still. And it feels so cold. so cold.
To those who read this obnoxious rant of mine, sorry. BUT, PLEASE dont post any thing which you think i might find lame or cliched because it will only cause me to feel frustrated. This post was not meant to garner sympathy or pity. Nor is it meant to insult anyone. I... I just needed to truely rant it out for once in my entire lousy life.
Dammit Dammit Dammit
And the worse thing? Probably all the people who have so far given their "opinions" on the matter have not brought me any peace at all. Dont get me wrong, It is not that i do not appreciate your concern or opinion. Its just that all the god damned advice i have received so far are, in my opinion, CRAP. Of all the things that i do not need to hear are things like "its time to give up" or "you need to get back on your feet" etc etc. Any IDIOT would already know all those. Fine call me an idiot of you like. After all, if anything, i have been made a fool by life itself.
I have all my life believed in karma. And yet at times i wonder, have i caused so much evil to deserve such a payback? Little by little i can feel my emotions slowly draining away. Unfeeling, cold.. thats one state i really do not wish to end up in. If anything in the past I believe that I have be honest with my emotions, guarded as they may be. Perhaps thats one of the reasons why I am still unable to let go of him. I feel that if i do finally manage to let go, I would be also giving up the last shred of love that exists in me still. And it feels so cold. so cold.
To those who read this obnoxious rant of mine, sorry. BUT, PLEASE dont post any thing which you think i might find lame or cliched because it will only cause me to feel frustrated. This post was not meant to garner sympathy or pity. Nor is it meant to insult anyone. I... I just needed to truely rant it out for once in my entire lousy life.