Surrealism
I'm in the weirdest place I've been in ever. It's really surreal. Not having any friends. Not having any goals. Not really utilizing your brain. I've been pissed off. I've been depressed. I've been defensive. I've been frustrated. And now I just am, and that's about it.
I still know what my core is--I'm creative, blah blah blah, but, it just feels like...........nothing. I need goals. I need friends. I need to feel a part of something. But I don't have any of those things here. I have a boyfriend whom I care about very much, but that's about it. Everyday is exactly the same as the one before it, and the one before that. May was exactly the same as January. February was the same as those months.
I've just run out of ideas of how to get out of this rut. I could move to a new city, but I still wouldn't have any goals and I'd have to start over and I still wouldn't have friends.
I don't miss DC. I don't miss Minneapolis/St Paul. I don't miss Wisconsin. But I miss the lives I had at these places. I miss the people I met and hung out with in these cities.
If I moved out of San Francisco right now, the only thing I would have to say about it is that I loved it, then hated it. There wouldn't be anyone or any place that I'd miss here.
Maybe I'm subconsciously answering my own problems in this entry. Who knows. I'll read it another day and see.
And this entry is not meant to be a sob fest, a pity fest, or a whatever fest. It's just.............I have no clue. I just felt like writing this shit down.
I still know what my core is--I'm creative, blah blah blah, but, it just feels like...........nothing. I need goals. I need friends. I need to feel a part of something. But I don't have any of those things here. I have a boyfriend whom I care about very much, but that's about it. Everyday is exactly the same as the one before it, and the one before that. May was exactly the same as January. February was the same as those months.
I've just run out of ideas of how to get out of this rut. I could move to a new city, but I still wouldn't have any goals and I'd have to start over and I still wouldn't have friends.
I don't miss DC. I don't miss Minneapolis/St Paul. I don't miss Wisconsin. But I miss the lives I had at these places. I miss the people I met and hung out with in these cities.
If I moved out of San Francisco right now, the only thing I would have to say about it is that I loved it, then hated it. There wouldn't be anyone or any place that I'd miss here.
Maybe I'm subconsciously answering my own problems in this entry. Who knows. I'll read it another day and see.
And this entry is not meant to be a sob fest, a pity fest, or a whatever fest. It's just.............I have no clue. I just felt like writing this shit down.