(no subject)
I'm just really tired. And I still don't know what I want to do for spring break. Yesterday when I was with Eric, we have all of these really in depth conversations and he was talking about what he wants to do in life and how he has all of these hurdle's in the way. I was fine until he said that he wished he didn't have to worry about money like I did. And I just broke down in tears. I felt so sad. I actually just sat down right where I was and balled. He bent down in front of some people and for the first time held me and said he loved me in front of everyone. That gave me such relief, because we were using the dreaded word for sometime, but I was never sure if he meant it. And I know how much he was comfortable with showing me affection in front of people. So for him to do that; it meant alot. I cried basically, because I care so much for him. I wish I could just knock all these hurdle's out of the way for him. He's such a hard working guy and he deserves more than what he gets and I know there's only so much I can do. Today we went to the french market earlier in the day and i was really tired so i sat on the curve and he held me. I past out so fast he had to wake me up so we could go. I want to spend spring break with Eric and clean up my act here in new orleans. I might just stay here in the dorms and work out every day. I'm going back to 130 lbs. and I want to quit the drugs and drinking. I just need help from my friends, funny thing is is that they all do stuff. How is this going to work? I'm not sure, but I'll work it out. I'm going to finish studying and go to bed. I feel really depressed right now. I'm not sure whether to cry or sleep until I don't wake up. I wish I could just disappear with Eric. (To opposing friends: If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all.)