A mental note
Struggle
The days and nights are beginning to blur together. One after another, time is passing me by. There are days when I think about the damage it has inflicted upon me. Others are worse as I begin to feel it again. However, when I look into the mirror and see it, that is a different notion all together. It means others can as well, but they don't know what they're looking at. Which only makes it harder.
Alone? Comrade or accomplice
It's hard to walk around inside of my mind anymore. I am no longer alone when I venture. I am faced with a haunting fear that I am uncertain of how to reconcile. What I have kept bound for so long is now free. I often wonder if it would have been different if I never sealed any part of myself away. If I had allowed myself to be free all along, would I be whole? Or am I correct to assume that I would have been consumed?
Child at heart?... Or in mind?
I have learned so much in the passing time though. It has been somewhat pleasing to know that I have grown and still have some form of control over myself. I have been able to push myself physically, but spiritually, and mentally... I have been left feeling limited, almost hindered. However, it is frustrating to know that I am still held back by myself and my own impatience.
Causality
I refuse to fall victim to society. I don't want to blend in and fall in line. I want to find a way to separate myself from this world. I can. I will. I have met many people in my life, a lesser amount that don't like me, and probably even less that do. I have few that I can truly call friends but it gives me strength to know that I can call upon them.
Burden
However, I don't want them to bear my weight. I have no intentions of being a burden on someone. I am a person owned only by myself. Neither my burden nor regrets needs to be carried by someone else. I was told that if I didn't have a strong mind then I better have a strong back. I have both. I will use both. Even if I must walk alone.
Indescribable
I love each and every person that I have given my heart to. Every person that I have invested time in, who has had a chance to see inside of me, will always have a way to call upon me. I will not back down in their time of need. However, I can not make someone do anything and this is a mistake I make. I can not persuade anyone to further themselves all I can do is be there... Maybe I should disappear. Wait, like an apparition... But I may be forgotten.
Which may be for the best.
The days and nights are beginning to blur together. One after another, time is passing me by. There are days when I think about the damage it has inflicted upon me. Others are worse as I begin to feel it again. However, when I look into the mirror and see it, that is a different notion all together. It means others can as well, but they don't know what they're looking at. Which only makes it harder.
Alone? Comrade or accomplice
It's hard to walk around inside of my mind anymore. I am no longer alone when I venture. I am faced with a haunting fear that I am uncertain of how to reconcile. What I have kept bound for so long is now free. I often wonder if it would have been different if I never sealed any part of myself away. If I had allowed myself to be free all along, would I be whole? Or am I correct to assume that I would have been consumed?
Child at heart?... Or in mind?
I have learned so much in the passing time though. It has been somewhat pleasing to know that I have grown and still have some form of control over myself. I have been able to push myself physically, but spiritually, and mentally... I have been left feeling limited, almost hindered. However, it is frustrating to know that I am still held back by myself and my own impatience.
Causality
I refuse to fall victim to society. I don't want to blend in and fall in line. I want to find a way to separate myself from this world. I can. I will. I have met many people in my life, a lesser amount that don't like me, and probably even less that do. I have few that I can truly call friends but it gives me strength to know that I can call upon them.
Burden
However, I don't want them to bear my weight. I have no intentions of being a burden on someone. I am a person owned only by myself. Neither my burden nor regrets needs to be carried by someone else. I was told that if I didn't have a strong mind then I better have a strong back. I have both. I will use both. Even if I must walk alone.
Indescribable
I love each and every person that I have given my heart to. Every person that I have invested time in, who has had a chance to see inside of me, will always have a way to call upon me. I will not back down in their time of need. However, I can not make someone do anything and this is a mistake I make. I can not persuade anyone to further themselves all I can do is be there... Maybe I should disappear. Wait, like an apparition... But I may be forgotten.
Which may be for the best.