Where did he go?

[armoire_man]

Staring at my father's motionless body on Monday morning, I kept wondering "Where did he go?" I mean, hey - I'm an atheist science geek who watches CSI, but still. The thought of reincarnation was delightfully creepy right then. The idea of an afterlife other than that just didn't click

Comments

[cardigirl]

I can't let myself believe in religion, but I certainly do believe in my need for such stuff, so there we are.

I couldn't quite say it better, although I think I'd be simply "I can't believe in religion" instead of "let myself." I did the "let myself" for many many years until I realized what I was pushing away didn't actually exist for me.

I do believe humans need it, though, although I supposed I'm agnostic in the sense that I don't know if Somebody built us that way or if that's just the way we built ourselves. Meditating monks who say they've reached one-ness with the Universe (even if only briefly) all show their brain scans firing in the same part of the brain, the part that distinguishes among me and not-me, which to me says that at some level religion is hardwired into us.

For whatever it is worth, my mother's impending death is what made me actually realize that I didn't believe in any afterlife. However (and I don't mean to compare the "worth" of dogs to humans here), the first time I had to put one of my dogs down, I felt the sense of Something There and then Something Not There very viscerally. I eventually came to terms and explanation for all the above, that satisfied me, but probably this isn't the time to see what you'd think of it all!

This is a very hard time for anyone, and know that those of us here on the other side of the computer screen care, and if you find us at a safe distance (because I *do* know the family crush can be toooo much if you're not accustomed to it), then I'm glad for it. ***hugs***

[armoire_man]

Thank you - it's good to talk to people this thoughtfully, at this distance. The 'family crush' was difficult, but on the other hand I got to talk to my brother for hours about life with and without our father, which was immensely comforting and reassuring for both of us.

My codependency is always a signal that I'm overwhelmed. When I started resenting taking care of all the people who showed up to offer condolences and sympathy, I knew it was time to slip off and hide.

I felt the sense of Something There and then Something Not There very viscerally

Ooooooh yeah! Sleeping or unconscious people look very still, but death looks a mile stiller, and it's a shock when you see it the first time. I saw my first dead body back when I was about eighteen, and it was amazing.