Good luck. I think I may have said this before, but I'm such a huge proponent of it, I'll say it again: Go Talk To Your Local Hospice. NOW. Not later.
When my mother started downhill, none of us particularly thought she was doing so -- not me, not her, and not her doctors. She died within six months. Two weeks ... two WEEKS ... before she actually passed away, the damn doctor was saying "oh this is nothing all that serious", refusing me a hospice consult, and insisting she get up and walk around for physical therapy. When I finally did manhandle the system enough to get her into hospice, and the relief it provided for all concerned, they told me she had one day left, maybe two. She died in 36 hours. Only hospice ever gave it to me straight the whole damn time.
Another friend tried to get her mother into hospice care and her doctor farted around until her mother died before it could be done.
In their defense (albeit somewhat reluctantly), I have to say that doctors *must* think in terms of getting their patients better, and that things are fixable. And I certainly don't know your father's condition! But get in touch with hospice sooner rather than later. Please.
Good luck, man. I know how very hard this has got to be for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts, prayers, in the Light.
Thank you! I keep forgetting about hospice, and this is exactly the kind of reminder that I need. Between you and friendly_drelb I've been getting lots of nice reminders of what the next step should be, and it's incredibly helpful.
Tomorrow is my hunt-for-a-new-home-for-dad day, and I'll talk to a hospice in Denver, as well.
Dad's lookin' bad - I don't think he'll last another six months.
I am glad friendly_drelb is there for you, with her absolute practicality and her heart.
After my mom died, I recall reading an article with a quote from one of the hospice centers, that it made them crazy (though the speaker didn't phrase it that way) that people weren't being referred to hospice soon enough -- that the situation was always as it came down with my mom. Hospice usually won't get involved unless a doctor says the patient has six months or less -- but, as in my case, the doctor refused to see or admit that that was the case. "They just go into hospice and die!" said the doctor... well, yeah. Kinda on the agenda no matter what.
So: fight for it. And don't close down to your friends and anyone you can talk with (IRL or here)... a parent's dying is 'way harder than you *can* imagine, and if there's any help you can get, don't hesitate to ask -- me or anyone else. Sometimes you don't know WHAT to ask. But Drelb and me, and doubtless others you know, have had to walk this shadow before now, and will lend a hand, a shoulder, or an ear.
When my mother started downhill, none of us particularly thought she was doing so -- not me, not her, and not her doctors. She died within six months. Two weeks ... two WEEKS ... before she actually passed away, the damn doctor was saying "oh this is nothing all that serious", refusing me a hospice consult, and insisting she get up and walk around for physical therapy. When I finally did manhandle the system enough to get her into hospice, and the relief it provided for all concerned, they told me she had one day left, maybe two. She died in 36 hours. Only hospice ever gave it to me straight the whole damn time.
Another friend tried to get her mother into hospice care and her doctor farted around until her mother died before it could be done.
In their defense (albeit somewhat reluctantly), I have to say that doctors *must* think in terms of getting their patients better, and that things are fixable. And I certainly don't know your father's condition! But get in touch with hospice sooner rather than later. Please.
Good luck, man. I know how very hard this has got to be for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts, prayers, in the Light.
Reply
Tomorrow is my hunt-for-a-new-home-for-dad day, and I'll talk to a hospice in Denver, as well.
Dad's lookin' bad - I don't think he'll last another six months.
Reply
After my mom died, I recall reading an article with a quote from one of the hospice centers, that it made them crazy (though the speaker didn't phrase it that way) that people weren't being referred to hospice soon enough -- that the situation was always as it came down with my mom. Hospice usually won't get involved unless a doctor says the patient has six months or less -- but, as in my case, the doctor refused to see or admit that that was the case. "They just go into hospice and die!" said the doctor... well, yeah. Kinda on the agenda no matter what.
So: fight for it. And don't close down to your friends and anyone you can talk with (IRL or here)... a parent's dying is 'way harder than you *can* imagine, and if there's any help you can get, don't hesitate to ask -- me or anyone else. Sometimes you don't know WHAT to ask. But Drelb and me, and doubtless others you know, have had to walk this shadow before now, and will lend a hand, a shoulder, or an ear.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment