I'm a failure
Closing the doors and turning down the monitor was what we ultimately did with Melissa last night. I ended up just walking out of her room, and disturbing Rebecca to please step in. I am a shit father for having thoughts of smacking the crap out of my daughter rather than picking her up and comforting her. I had to leave her room; I just couldn't take any more of the tantrum. She even continued it with Rebecca.
She begged for someone to stay in the room with her. She screamed and threw her belongings when we wouldn't. I feel like a total failure that there might be something physiological going on here (nightmares?) and I'm reacting to her behaviors as if she's just being spoiled. But, we couldn't calm her down. So, all we had left to do so that we *might* be able to get some sleep was to leave her in her room, close her door, then close ours, and turn down the monitor.
She screamed for another half-hour, and then just suddenly fell silent. I was terrified something had happened, but was equally terrified that if I went to check she'd start up with the screaming again. I turned up the monitor and could hear her moving some, so I went to sleep.
She screamed so much and for so long (2.5 hours) that she vomited all over her bed and floor this morning. Apparently she laid in some of it, too.
I know some people would feel vindicated at that. I don't. I feel horrible, like a failure, and completely useless to this two year old. And yet, I'm so strung out, exhausted, and emotionally worn that I couldn't even give her a hug this morning when she asked me to pick her up. My interactions were flat, matter-of-fact, and unemotional.
The rest of today is passing . . . poorly, as well, so far.
She begged for someone to stay in the room with her. She screamed and threw her belongings when we wouldn't. I feel like a total failure that there might be something physiological going on here (nightmares?) and I'm reacting to her behaviors as if she's just being spoiled. But, we couldn't calm her down. So, all we had left to do so that we *might* be able to get some sleep was to leave her in her room, close her door, then close ours, and turn down the monitor.
She screamed for another half-hour, and then just suddenly fell silent. I was terrified something had happened, but was equally terrified that if I went to check she'd start up with the screaming again. I turned up the monitor and could hear her moving some, so I went to sleep.
She screamed so much and for so long (2.5 hours) that she vomited all over her bed and floor this morning. Apparently she laid in some of it, too.
I know some people would feel vindicated at that. I don't. I feel horrible, like a failure, and completely useless to this two year old. And yet, I'm so strung out, exhausted, and emotionally worn that I couldn't even give her a hug this morning when she asked me to pick her up. My interactions were flat, matter-of-fact, and unemotional.
The rest of today is passing . . . poorly, as well, so far.