ROUND 8 VOTING, PART 2.

May 03, 2009 03:47



Entry XVI:

The Bro Code
A Moste Sacred of Documents Bequeathed To Alle Knights of The Bro-therhood of Camelot By Prince Arthur Pendragon and Merlin, Son of Hunith.

Article One: A bro cometh before a wench.
The bonde twixt manne and manne is as stronge as enjoined Harts. The bonde twixt manne and wench is of lesser importance, as a wench, true to Itts Nature, be not as stronge as man. This is taughte in the sciences of Gaius the physicianne.

Article Two: A bro muste neverre reveale the location of thine sacred text to a wench.
Even thine own wench. Even if thy wench be Morgana and she threateneth to bringeth the Ende withe her Angells of Helle.

Article Three: A bro muste Name thy wingemanne.
TASKE: Unite the bros withe the wingemenne that they hath claimede their Own.
BROS: Firste. Uther Pendragon / Seconde. Arthur Pendragon / Thirde. Sir Galahad / Fourthe. Anhora
WINGEMENNE: Firste. Merlin / Seconde. Sir Percival / Thirde. The Unicorn / Fourthe. Gaius

Article Four: If a bro learneth thatte another bro hath been injured upon his steed, he muste firste asketh the bro of the breed and pedigree of his steed before checking the welfare of the bro.

Article Five: A bro may useth a wench as a wingemanne
NOTABLE WINGWENCHES
Guinevere - occasionalle wingwench of Merlin, Son of Hunith, and Sir Lancelot du Lac.
Nimueh - wingwench of The Great Dragonne.
Hunith - replacement wingwench forre William of Ealdor, aftere the departure of Merlin.

Article Six: If a bro spoteth another bro engage in battle, he immediately goeth to the assistance of the bro.
EXCEPTIONNE: If the bro hath entered into battle with The Blacke Knight.
EXCEPTIONNE: Gaius the physicianne hath provided the bro withe a sicke notte.
EXCEPTIONNE: Engaging in battle wille expose the bro as a sorcerer.

Article Seven: A wingemanne wille ensure thatte court musicians wille playeth music to befit the moode of a bro at banquets.
MOODE / SONGE
Psychede / Thou Giveth Love A Treacherous Moniker by Bongiovi of New Jersey
Sadde / Whilst Mine Lute Gently Weepeth by Lord Harrison
Happie / Neverre Sharl I Giveth Ye Uppe by Sir Richard of Astley
Lecherous / Mine Milkshake Bringeth Alle Ye Gentlefolk To The Yard by Lady Kelis

Article Eight: If two bros are privy to a seduction dance performede by a wench, a bro muste NEVERRE toucheth another bro in any capacitie, inclusive of the highe fifthe.
EXCEPTIONNE: Iffe the bros be in an arrangemente of sodomie. This is rarre, as bros of this persuasion wouldst not watcheth a wench.

Article Nine: A bro does not alloweth another bro to marrie a wench unless it be necessary to produce an heir.

Article Tenne: Bros cannot maketh eye contact in the execution of the three personne relations of the Devil.
EXCEPTIONNE: The bros be in the aforementioned arrangemente of sodomie. Inne this case, the bros cannot maketh eye contact with the wench.

Entry XVII:

Arthur Pendragon’s Boyfriend Bro Code
1. Loyalty
2. Sword Polishing
3. Breakfast in Bed
4. Love
5. Blowjobs
6. Blowjobs
7. Wash Clothes
8. Blowjobs
9. Keep Drink Filled
10. Wear Hat (while giving Blowjob) NO! please no I’ll wear the hat

Entry XII:

First rule: Do not talk about the magic.
Second rule: By the magic we mean, the gay. So do not talk about the gay.
Third rule: Keep the other magic secret too.
Fourth rule: No more sex in Merlin's room. The risk of having Ceiling!Gaius watching there is too big.
Fifth rule: And then we fucked.

Entry XIX:
Arthur and Merlin's Bro Code

1.) If one Bro's drink is empty at a ridiculously boring feast, the other Bro shall fill it, but if the first Bro is a prat about it, the second Bro is entitled to fill the drink in his own sweet time.

2.) If one Bro has to sit through another ridiculously boring feast without a drink, the other Bro shall wear stupid outfits to provide the first Bro with amusement, unless the first Bro is making the other Bro also sit through the boring feast with no drink.

3.) If one Bro's armor is showing signs of rust the night before a tournament, the other Bro shall polish it

4.) If one Bro keeps a huge, potentially deadly secret from another Bro, the Bro who was kept in the dark is entitled to be as pissed off as he pleases, even if the other Bro is really, really, really sorry?

5.) If the Bro who kept the secret keeps saving the first Bro's life, the first Bro may be allowed to completely forgive the secret keeping Bro. With no shame

6.) If a Bro starts to notice certain things about another Bro, he will keep them to himself, unless the other Bro is noticing the same things about the first Bro.

7.) A Bro shall not spend an unhealthy amount of time staring at another Bro's mouth, even if the second Bro's lips are too kissable for his own good

8.) A Bro shall not throw another Bro down and have his way with him, no matter how hot and incredible it would be because it would be hot and incredible.

9.) If a Bro feels the need to be un-Bro-like and start throwing about absurd words like "love" or "need" about another Bro, the first Bro will go on hunts and fight in tournaments until it goes away say them immediately and often.

10.) A Bro will always be loyal to his Bro, even if the second Bro is a huge prat and spends his time making stupid Bro codes instead of following codes seven through nine. Especially eight. Eight a lot.

Entry XX:

THE BRO CODE

1. BROS BEFORE HOS. EVEN (ESPECIALLY) MAGICAL SIDHE HOS FROM AVALON.
1a. ALSO BEFORE SPANIARDS OF DUBIOUS BIRTH AND HOT BODS.
1b. OR FRENCHMEN. WASN'T LANCELOT FRENCH?

2. BROS DO NOT INQUIRE TOO CLOSELY ABOUT STRANGE CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING MIRACULOUS RECOVERIES AND/OR RESCUES.

3. FLOWERS ARE ONLY APPROPRIATE TOKENS OF FRIENDSHIP IF INTENDED TO AID AN AILING BRO.

4. BROS DON'T LET BROS DRINK POISON.

5. BROS DON'T MAKE BROS DRESS UP IN SILLY COSTUMES.
5a. UNLESS IT'S FUNNY AND THE BRO BEING DRESSED UP DESERVES IT FOR BEING AN IDIOT.

6. IN THE EVENT OF A FACE-OFF AGAINST A DELUSIONAL DRAGON, BROS DON'T ACT IN A WAY TO CONTINUE SAID DELUSIONS.
6a. UNLESS AS A LAST RESORT.
6b. OR UNLESS MORGANA PAYS REALLY WELL IN ADVANCE.

7. BROS DON'T MAKE BAD SWORD JOKES WHERE MORGANA CAN HEAR. OR AT ALL.

8. RATS ARE NOT APPROPRIATE FOOD TO SERVE TO BROS, EVEN IN TIMES OF GREAT HUNGER.

9. BROS DON'T THROW BROS IN THE STOCKS NICE TRY, MERLIN.

10. DURING AWKWARD EMOTIONAL MOMENTS, BROS MUST LIGHTEN THE MOOD BY INSULTING EACH OTHER.

Entry XXI:

Article 1:
A bro will always tell another bro when he's being a prat.
Article 2:
A bro will always ask to have his sword polished, even if it was just polished an hour ago.
Article 3:
A bro will always alert another bro if he notices ceiling Gaius is watching.
Article 4:
A bro will always drink from the poisoned chalice first.
Article 5:
A bro will always go get some mortaeus flowers to cure the poison the first bro drank.
Article 6:
A bro will always cover for another bro so he can go out with the new hot chick. Even if that chick turns out to be evil and have red eyes.
Article 7:
A bro will always protect his bro. to the death.
Article 8:
A bro will always wear a neck scarf. Not because he likes the way it looks, but because you never know when it will come in handy...
Article 9:
A bro will always insert subtext, so the Slash Dragon has something to blog about.
Article 10:
A bro will always cuddle afterwards.

Entry XXII:

1. The death of oneself is infinitely preferable to the death of one's Bro.

2. In the event of a Bro saving another Bro's life, under no circumstances must any gratitude be expressed in any way (beyond at most a two-word verbal remark). The event must be otherwise ignored.
Addendum: If the saved Bro is unhappy about the manner of his rescue, he is additionally allowed to initiate one free round of angry adult activities with the object of his ire.

3. If a Bro is behaving with unbearable incompetence or prattishness, it is the responsibility of another Bro to point this out as soon as is prudent.

4. A Bro shall honor his father or mother and the fathers or mothers of all other Bros, on pain of death and/or extreme disapproval and/or the withholding of all forms of adult entertainment.

5. All inappropriately friendly contact made between Bros in the presence of a parental figure of one of the involved Bros must be made with family-friendly body parts.
Addendum: Feet are no longer considered a family-friendly body part.

6. In the absence of any imminent hardship or danger, it is the duty of each Bro to make life as difficult for other Bros as possible, to prove their hardiness.

7. All endearments between Bros must be made in the form of insults or put-downs. Compliments count as endearments. This rule applies especially in the event of grave danger or extreme emotion, to relieve tension.

8. All acts of magic performed by a Bro and displayed in the presence of another Bro must be explained away in some manner by either or both of the involved Bros. In no way must said magic be remarked upon as magic, even when it is clearly magic.

9. Familial relations are off-limits to conquest, especially if adopted. Talking about the anatomy of familial relations, especially the adopted ones, is also off-limits, no matter how impressive the anatomy may be.

10. A Bro may not interfere with another Bro's desire to make a conquest, and must in fact aid the conquesting Bro should he prove needful. However, a Bro must do everything in his power to prevent matrimony and/or any form of commitment more serious than that existing between Bros, as that is a fate worse than death. See rule 1.

Entry XXII:

ARTHUR AND MERLIN'S LOVERS BRO CODE

1. Bros before Hoes (No, Merlin - I am not talking about garden equipment ~A)

2. Always have a Bro with you, if you go out hunting magical creatures (Yes, Arthur. And no, knights don't count. You don't know any of their names anyways ~M)

3. Always only look at a Bro during a Devil's Three Way (Two more dudes ~A)

4. Lancelot is OFF LIMITS to all Bros. (Nothing happened between us, Arthur Get. Over It. ~M)

5. In fact, everyone but Bros are off limits (I am the only Bro in Camelot, Merlin ~A)

6. Magic is okay, as long as its used to save a Bro's life. (Or, wash his socks ~M)

7. Sex on Sundays are a must. No matter what. (YES. Please. Right now?~A No we are writing this for posterity. Later ~M)

8. Bros do give each other BJs. (Seriously all the time. ~M)

9.Bros don't make other Bros clean out their stables (What?! When did you slip this in? ~A)

10. Throughout anything, Bros have each other's back (Or, other sensitive parts...whatever you feel would be the sexiest ~M)

Entry XXIV:

1.Bros before hos.
--Gwen and Morgana are bro-hos and therefore also come before hos.

2. Bros shall not keep an official tally of how many times they have saved each others' lives.
--Unofficial tallies are sanctioned.
--Unofficial tallies shall not be mentioned except in circumstances where all bros agree to discuss them.
--Unofficial tallies shall be kept true and accurate to the best of a bro's ability, unless a ho is present.

3. Bros shall not keep secrets from each other.
--Secrets that could endanger a bro's life upon the telling of them are permissible.
--Arthur would like it known that he has no secrets from his bros.

4. A bro's first loyalty is always to his best bro.
--Interference by a higher authority (eg. kings, magical beasts) shall not overturn this rule except in extraordinary circumstances (eg. career responsibilities, or where there is the possibility of treason).

5. Bros shall not disrespect a bro's other bros.
--Even if they are a wanker and believed to harbour impure thoughts re: a bro.
--And even if they are so unnaturally pretty as to possibly be a ho.
--And especially if the disrespecting bro is a stupid knight, insulting a bro's best bro.

6. It is not gay for bros to share sleeping arrangements while camping out in the cold.
--Nor is it gay, or to be considered snuggling, if bros make body contact while sleeping in the name of heat conservation.
--Talking while in such contact is possibly gay (currently under review).

7. Bros shall not beat each other up.
--Unless it is the just punishment for an infringement of the bro code.
--Any fighting that can be considered training is also excepted.
--The distinction between training and beating-up is apparently a fine one.
--Except that it really isn't.
--Yes, it clearly is.
--No it isn't.
--Training should not leave bruises the size of apples, in Merlin's estimation.
--Any and all training-related injuries can be explained by personal weakness, in Arthur's estimation.

8. Bros shall help each other in times of need.
--This includes general favours asked of bros and help in dire situations, including the saving of a bro's life when necessary (see rule 2).
--Indentured servitude has no bearing on this rule.

9. All disputes between bros that cannot be resolved in other ways shall be settled according to the bro code.
--The bro code shall be followed to the letter in these instances.
--Finding loopholes is unsporting, especially if a bro has sneakily written them in there himself.
--The bro code may only be edited by unanimous agreement of chartered bros.
--It is preferred that disputes be resolved quickly via discussion or fisticuffs before deep consultation of the code; an arbitrator (Morgana) has been chosen to decide the correct course of action in difficult disputes.

10. In the event that a bro becomes a ho, all sections of the bro code shall continue to apply.
--All bro code rules pertaining to gayness continue to apply but no penalty shall be assessed to bros for gayness.
--Which bro is the ho in the relationship is irrelevant to the code.

Entry XXV:

The High and Mighty Brotherhood of Idiots and Princes - Prats - I'M ROYALTY! - Royal Prats

Statutes:

➸ Nothing can come between the Idiot and the Prat. Amendment: Apart from exceedingly noble and exceedingly handsome Almost-Knights. Only on occasion and only if all three parties agree.

➸ Swords are for polishing, spears for thrusting, lances for jousting - there are no rules as to where, only as to with whom.

➸ I drink your poison if you drink mine. Amendment: Literally and metaphorically.

➸ It is allowed to refer to the King, just as it is allowed to refer to the Court Physician. However, the two must never be referred to together, under no circumstance and especially never in bed, Merlin.

➸ References to the Lady Morgana and her maid together together are, on the contrary, strongly encouraged.

➸ Rat stew and Hunith's goo are no means of exerting pressure over other members of the BIRP. Amendment: Neither is withholding sex! - Is too!

➸ If one member runs the risk of commiting a stupidity of a nature what-so-ever, it shall be the other member's duty to prevent it. Oh, because that's only a full time job where you're concerned, Merlin. - Says the guy who shot a unicorn... I rest my case.

➸ The secret handshake (amendment:) kiss of the BIRP is not to be betrayed to outsiders.

➸ Under no circumstance should one member betray the secrets of another, even if this entails lying to the King or time in the stocks. Amendment: No more secrets between the members of the BIRP themselves! - You know I am sorry, Arthur! - I do. You could've told me though... - Just like you could've told me about that other thing... - The Crown Prince can't just confess his love to his Servant like that. - I know. ARTHUR can confess his love to MERLIN though... ♥

➸ Keep the BIRP secret! For real this time, Merlin, not like the magic!

Fines for breaching any of the above rules are to be paid in form of sweetmeats (amendment:) blow jobs.

On another note, I really wanted there to be 30 entries so I could make an UNCENCORED XXX joke, but alas, no such luck. :(

On another, another note, I find it highly hilarious that LJ's example poll coding looks like this:

Since I can't create a poll, comment with your three favourites:

1st place
2nd place
3rd place

you may use Roman numbers in voting.

Voting closed
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