the letter that I will never send
You not only fell out of love with me, you transferred everything away. You stopped loving me, you stopped trusting me, and worst of all you stopped respecting me. When was the last time you had said anything nice to me? or about me? You systematically criticized everything that I defined myself by, made me question it in the worst possible way, and made it all my fault. You snubbed my dancing, my teaching, my life goals, hell even my relationship with my family.
You broke me, you humiliated me, you emasculated me. What the hell did I do to deserve that? You forced me into some god damned ultimatum and chided me for even trying to make it work. What a bitch move to make. You had your family. You had them. They were there as a clan. I was alone on that god forsaken boat. Alone, and the ultimatum was to be like one of them, even though you never let me meet them. I asked so many times, but you never let me, not until the boat.
I have an identity, I know who I am, but I am flexible. I will not change who I am, but I can adapt. To be like them, I tried my damned best, for you, because I thought it mattered, because I thought it would make a difference. And you told me "it's not like you". Well what a farce that was. Segregate me, throw me into isolation with no support, especially not from you, and watch me flail in a no-win scenario after telling me maybe there was a chance. Did you get a laugh out of that?
Do you know how much you messed me up? Do you know how close I was to throwing myself into the ocean? I had it down to the note, the drink, and where the most secluded section on the boat was where no one would see or stop me. Where do you think I disappeared to those couple days? I spent two days aimlessly wandering the boat searching for a good spot until I just crawled into a corner from exhaustion.
I figured it all out you know. Why you never wanted me to meet them. All the bullshit that went on behind my back. For all those months. And they all knew. That's the part that sickens me.
You are poison to me.
Stay the fuck out of my life.
You broke me, you humiliated me, you emasculated me. What the hell did I do to deserve that? You forced me into some god damned ultimatum and chided me for even trying to make it work. What a bitch move to make. You had your family. You had them. They were there as a clan. I was alone on that god forsaken boat. Alone, and the ultimatum was to be like one of them, even though you never let me meet them. I asked so many times, but you never let me, not until the boat.
I have an identity, I know who I am, but I am flexible. I will not change who I am, but I can adapt. To be like them, I tried my damned best, for you, because I thought it mattered, because I thought it would make a difference. And you told me "it's not like you". Well what a farce that was. Segregate me, throw me into isolation with no support, especially not from you, and watch me flail in a no-win scenario after telling me maybe there was a chance. Did you get a laugh out of that?
Do you know how much you messed me up? Do you know how close I was to throwing myself into the ocean? I had it down to the note, the drink, and where the most secluded section on the boat was where no one would see or stop me. Where do you think I disappeared to those couple days? I spent two days aimlessly wandering the boat searching for a good spot until I just crawled into a corner from exhaustion.
I figured it all out you know. Why you never wanted me to meet them. All the bullshit that went on behind my back. For all those months. And they all knew. That's the part that sickens me.
You are poison to me.
Stay the fuck out of my life.