(no subject)
w00t one down two to go. I know i'll do good on Statistics so thats happy. Econ however.. I'm not really even trying until other (more important) shit is done. Its pointless to even try, i seriously dont get it, its all jibberish. So im facing demons and taking an F or hopefully, and Incomplete. I mean im still trying for a D but yeah... I dont want to be disappointed. Econ was taking energy from my more important classes and thats just wrong. f it. Im taking summer school so whatever. I'm sort of excited to live w/ the parents, as masochistic as that sounds. I miss em and i miss em more when i fuck up out here on my own. Everytime my mom visits me i cry when she leaves and it doesnt even make sense to me. Everything makes me cry these days tho. I cry while playing wow, man i dont even know..
I had a fuckin scary dream the other night and it really clouded my day yestarday. I was dying from a bullet that didn't hit me. I just wonder wtf that means. My writing fuckin sucks i need to do this more often, next quarter is my writing-intensive. THEN i'll officially be done w/ GEs. And the core of my major. zomg im scared. Next quarter, I'm talking to TAs more often. I find that talking w/ ppl about subject matter really helps. Talking w/ strangers... scary! New thing for me, but I gotta do it. Its maybe why im a B/C student. haha i wrote stupid instead of student on accident. I'm already feeling better. I need to look forward to something... lets face it, living w/ my parents for the summer is definitely not going to be "oh home at last!" the whole way through. I might not get to play wow. /gasp
I might be able to sneek some wireless into my bedroom, the 'rents know me to stay in my room all the time anyway. I was thinking about the fact i totally was always in my room, growing up. And i sort of think its cuz at first, i had a fuckload of toys, and then I got grounded all the time later on. Then mom n dad couldnt use grounding as a punishment anymore =P I just wonder why I'm so "weird" and "unsocial", and unbearingly self conscious/uncomfortable. Ppl have been yelling at me for not talking enough.... its like fuck off maybe i dont have the energy right now. Its weird how silence is such a negative social moray. I guess Im one helluv a snob? I usually hate it when ppl are snobs... but that goes back to "Pieces of You" bye Jewel. We hate other people when we find something in common that we don't want to. I think its an amazing concept, I find it in all sorts of places. most of the things that ever bugged me about jon were things i saw in myself. Other bad things about him hardly bother me.
so my guild is.. rapidly changing i guess. a lot of great people are leaving and I dont know if i should stay or not. What i WANT to do is recruit with a hot shit guild, as always. but they'll kick me out or reject me if I can't come to every raid, which is at least 4 nights a week. And that IS what i like to do with my evenings, but I can't ignore school and work to do so. I guess end-gaming is for people who always get off work at 4 and have no kids, or brat high schoolers w/ easy classes. When i started playing i had no idea im actually younger than most of the people who play. And i got to admit, it takes a buttload of maturity to have fun in end-game. jon keeps telling me to do social work and reseach for Blizzard. If i was lucky i guess... lol. And i was trying to get Katie into my guild and one of her characters is recruiting but I dont think she's as motivated now that we're going to have so many new people we'll have to re-learn Molten Core, which is so off my agenda. I need to get over the next two dungons before the expansion comes out and I really flip a shit over the game. Enuff of that.
So overall... I'm a little lost at the moment. In life.. I dont know what exactly I want and i feel like daydreaming got me in trouble. I think i'd feel way different if i could magically have no student loan debt. Paying more for less, that is definitely UCSC for ya. Have to crash every damn important class, bitchy professors and lazy punkass TAs whom I cant even understand... tuition raise? Oh can't wait. I feel like we exist so we can get eaten at.. and thats how it seems in history, w/ feudalism. Captialism is hardly different. Everything ppl do just hurts everyone, like using up our breathing air and the spread of cancer from industrial chemicals that end up in our bloodstreams either from acid rain or car exhaust. And people accept these truths all the time... what a trip.
I had a fuckin scary dream the other night and it really clouded my day yestarday. I was dying from a bullet that didn't hit me. I just wonder wtf that means. My writing fuckin sucks i need to do this more often, next quarter is my writing-intensive. THEN i'll officially be done w/ GEs. And the core of my major. zomg im scared. Next quarter, I'm talking to TAs more often. I find that talking w/ ppl about subject matter really helps. Talking w/ strangers... scary! New thing for me, but I gotta do it. Its maybe why im a B/C student. haha i wrote stupid instead of student on accident. I'm already feeling better. I need to look forward to something... lets face it, living w/ my parents for the summer is definitely not going to be "oh home at last!" the whole way through. I might not get to play wow. /gasp
I might be able to sneek some wireless into my bedroom, the 'rents know me to stay in my room all the time anyway. I was thinking about the fact i totally was always in my room, growing up. And i sort of think its cuz at first, i had a fuckload of toys, and then I got grounded all the time later on. Then mom n dad couldnt use grounding as a punishment anymore =P I just wonder why I'm so "weird" and "unsocial", and unbearingly self conscious/uncomfortable. Ppl have been yelling at me for not talking enough.... its like fuck off maybe i dont have the energy right now. Its weird how silence is such a negative social moray. I guess Im one helluv a snob? I usually hate it when ppl are snobs... but that goes back to "Pieces of You" bye Jewel. We hate other people when we find something in common that we don't want to. I think its an amazing concept, I find it in all sorts of places. most of the things that ever bugged me about jon were things i saw in myself. Other bad things about him hardly bother me.
so my guild is.. rapidly changing i guess. a lot of great people are leaving and I dont know if i should stay or not. What i WANT to do is recruit with a hot shit guild, as always. but they'll kick me out or reject me if I can't come to every raid, which is at least 4 nights a week. And that IS what i like to do with my evenings, but I can't ignore school and work to do so. I guess end-gaming is for people who always get off work at 4 and have no kids, or brat high schoolers w/ easy classes. When i started playing i had no idea im actually younger than most of the people who play. And i got to admit, it takes a buttload of maturity to have fun in end-game. jon keeps telling me to do social work and reseach for Blizzard. If i was lucky i guess... lol. And i was trying to get Katie into my guild and one of her characters is recruiting but I dont think she's as motivated now that we're going to have so many new people we'll have to re-learn Molten Core, which is so off my agenda. I need to get over the next two dungons before the expansion comes out and I really flip a shit over the game. Enuff of that.
So overall... I'm a little lost at the moment. In life.. I dont know what exactly I want and i feel like daydreaming got me in trouble. I think i'd feel way different if i could magically have no student loan debt. Paying more for less, that is definitely UCSC for ya. Have to crash every damn important class, bitchy professors and lazy punkass TAs whom I cant even understand... tuition raise? Oh can't wait. I feel like we exist so we can get eaten at.. and thats how it seems in history, w/ feudalism. Captialism is hardly different. Everything ppl do just hurts everyone, like using up our breathing air and the spread of cancer from industrial chemicals that end up in our bloodstreams either from acid rain or car exhaust. And people accept these truths all the time... what a trip.