(no subject)
so things were better today. I still need to go to the doctor tomorrow cuz i'm not back to normal. The pills my mom gave me i think helped a bit, but they take a few days to really kick in so i don't think they really did anything today. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow morning and hopefully they'll give me a perscription, because it's still hard. My roommate just walked in, and i don't know what it is, but when he's around i feel worse. Mike is on his way up now, i don't know what we're going to do, especially since i have this appointment at 9:15 tomorrow morning. So yeah tomorrow i'm hoping i can explain my situation, they'll put me on something things will be fine. i had the door open, and my roommate cloased it, fucker. I just want people to stop by and make friends. I got homework i have to do tomorrow, i really hope it's not a bitch. I could start it tonight, but fuck it. I need to get a tv stand or something, because right now my tv in on my desk, and i need to do my work on there. My roommate just turn on the tv, it sucks cuz his tv is right where the room dividing curtain is, so i can hear it whenver it's on, and can't hear my tv. Man, I'm fuckin sick of this guy, and i never even talk to him or anything. I just think once i start taking my medicine, i'll start talking to him maybe, and try to meet even more people. It's already 8 i can't believe it. Man, all of the sudden i just really don't want to be here, and just want to go home. it's like watching two channels at once right now. I think tomorrow will fly by. I have that appointment at 9:30, and have to be there at 9:15, then class from 12-3:15, then a break, then class at 5. ugh god, i really hope i adjust to this place. It's like i'm annoyed right now, but i'm depressed, and the depressed feeling is stronger than the annoying, so insted of just being pissed off, i just have a constant frown on my face, and just this feeling like, fuck, where am i, why am i here, i just want to be in my bedroom in ann arbor. I just want to watch tv in the family room. I just turned on friends because that's what he's watching and it's loud. my depression is so bad that i can't even eat. I haven't eaten anything all day, except a few chips. It's like i'm really hungry, but can't eat anything. I just want to sleep all day, I don't want to go to class, and don't want to do homework AT ALL. It's like things are so tough for me right now, i can't even function normally. Even in class, i still felt terrible. I just feel completely aweful right now. And i was just reading a paphelt about mental illness at cmu, and i think the place i go to tomorrow is just going to listen to me baable then refer me to another place. I was okay just a minute ago when i was on the phone with my mom, but as soon as i was back in my room i started to feel worse, and once my roommate came back, i felt completely aweful. It's about 8:15 now and mike still isn't here. I dunno what were gonna do, but fa real all i really want to do is go to sleep. Man, i really do feel like i'm in prison right now. I'm stuck in this small space, i don't know anyone...fuck, i'm so sick of this shit. And i feel to fucking depressed to even go out and fucking meet anyone. I'm fucking missing out on some great shit, because my roommate is a 21 year old douche, who is too cool to do anything here. I wish i had a freshman roommate, and he did things together. Fuck, all i want to do is be at home. I can't stand the way this guy smells. It's not musty or anything, it's just his cologne, and it's nasty. I fucking hate when he speaks in french on the phone. Man this fucker has his shirt off and it's fuckin gross. I mean, i think i'm doing better than saturday, when i fucking lost it, but things are still bad. I really really need to get back on zoloft.