Today's post brought to you by the letters C, M, and A.
Chemical Mood Amplification
Wow, so, yesterday's post was no doubt angstastic. Pity party, table for one!
Seriously though, my mood has been all over the place lately. One moment I'm happy and bouncy and horny. The next moment I'm depressed and feeling unattractive and hating the monotony of... everything. And just like anyone else, when i get into the depressed mode, I focus on nothing else except being depressed. Depression is insidious because it's the one emotion that feeds upon itself.
It's easy to forget about the positive feedback you received last week like, "Hey come over Friday, smoke a bowl and have a beer." when you're focused on the perceived slight from the one person you were trying to hang out with the night before. You know, because they were in class. Rational thought kinda goes out the window.
But it's worse when the mood is chemically enhanced. Ever since I stopped smoking a month ago my mood has been VERY erratic. The chantix helped keep me from going outright postal, but that just trades one chemical dependence for another, so I quickly weened myself off the chantix as well.
The core issues that trigger the emotional outbursts, whether positive or negative, are still valid, the only difference is my response is is greatly inflated.
I liked myself more as a person when I was smoking, but I'm certain that my friends and spouse didn't like the fact that I outright stunk! The health concerns are there as well, but I consider that as a lesser issue than the negative stigma of smoking.
I still wonder whether I was 'self-medicating' with nicotine when I smoked. It's believed in psychiatry circles that many smokers are self medicating. For instance, i read somewhere that something like 90% of schizophrenics smoke. I'm not suggesting that I'm schizo, but there are also lesser mental health issues that are also muted by nicotine use. Maybe I'm mildly bipolar and have been combating it with nicotine use. Maybe I'm just externalizing to a greater extent the fears and insecurities that we all feel.
I dunno. I suppose a few visits to a psychologist would be in order, but I really haven't had much success with them in the past. Ironic considering that I have such a keen interest in psychology.
Wow, so, yesterday's post was no doubt angstastic. Pity party, table for one!
Seriously though, my mood has been all over the place lately. One moment I'm happy and bouncy and horny. The next moment I'm depressed and feeling unattractive and hating the monotony of... everything. And just like anyone else, when i get into the depressed mode, I focus on nothing else except being depressed. Depression is insidious because it's the one emotion that feeds upon itself.
It's easy to forget about the positive feedback you received last week like, "Hey come over Friday, smoke a bowl and have a beer." when you're focused on the perceived slight from the one person you were trying to hang out with the night before. You know, because they were in class. Rational thought kinda goes out the window.
But it's worse when the mood is chemically enhanced. Ever since I stopped smoking a month ago my mood has been VERY erratic. The chantix helped keep me from going outright postal, but that just trades one chemical dependence for another, so I quickly weened myself off the chantix as well.
The core issues that trigger the emotional outbursts, whether positive or negative, are still valid, the only difference is my response is is greatly inflated.
I liked myself more as a person when I was smoking, but I'm certain that my friends and spouse didn't like the fact that I outright stunk! The health concerns are there as well, but I consider that as a lesser issue than the negative stigma of smoking.
I still wonder whether I was 'self-medicating' with nicotine when I smoked. It's believed in psychiatry circles that many smokers are self medicating. For instance, i read somewhere that something like 90% of schizophrenics smoke. I'm not suggesting that I'm schizo, but there are also lesser mental health issues that are also muted by nicotine use. Maybe I'm mildly bipolar and have been combating it with nicotine use. Maybe I'm just externalizing to a greater extent the fears and insecurities that we all feel.
I dunno. I suppose a few visits to a psychologist would be in order, but I really haven't had much success with them in the past. Ironic considering that I have such a keen interest in psychology.