Open Records for Adoptees
Isaac is in the process of applying for an Adoption Fellowship at Capital University. For the application process he has to write a brief essay on a current, substantive issue in child welfare or adoption law. After an evening of google searches he decided on the open record debate. This morning he printed off a bunch of articles to read today
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Open records make it a lot harder for lies, deliberate or accidental.
A lot of adoptive parents start out terrified of the birthparents, not wanting any contact etc - it's insecurity about your 'right' to parent that child and fear that the child you love so much might be taken away or might be unable to love you. But with time, most a-parents end up realizing that it's not an Either/Or choice. You can love two moms and two dads in different ways. Kids that grow up with it can handle it. So I think you'll find opinions changing in the same person over time a lot.
Plus a big factor which both sides miss out on, I think, is that every child experiences adoption differently. Some kids don't want to search at all, and they're truly okay with that. Some kids want to search desperately, and that's normal too. There's a whole range. The thing is, with a tiny baby you DON'T KNOW what type of kid they'll grow up to be. Maybe they won't want to search, maybe they will.
And the whole schtup about parental privacy - please. That's adults self-justifying their decisions at the expense of children. Yes, it'd be easier with closed adoptions for a lot of people. What's going to be best for the kid?
Also, there isn't much of an ettiquette about birthfamily and adoptive family, which isn't as lame as it sounds. People feel awkward and there's no protocol and recognized model, so it can be overwhelming.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,956454,00.html is a good article on the other extreme of closed records - relatives unknowingly meeting up and falling in love.
Plus - this is a personal ethical thing - yes, it may suck to be in an open adoption at time. It will involve tragedy and it will be harder at times than a closed adoption. But is it the right thing to do? If it's personal comfort, then I think it's cowardice. Totally understandable cowardice, but still. Adoptions arise from tragedy - a child that could not for some reason stay with her first parents and needs another home. Sugar-coating that or concealing it in closed records is wrong.
The privacy is - I think it's a question of ethics. If a woman would rather have an abortion than be named as the mother on a birth certificate of a child, then that's a really personal ethical issue in which she has made a choice motivated by fear. And it also - birthparents CAN and do walk away. They can refuse to be involved in their child's life. I know (and here again - the statistics in adoption studies are sparce and you end up with anecodotes that don't mean much) adoptions where the birthparents just aren't that involved, despite the opportunity. They only want an occasional letter at most. You can sever the relationship while the child is a child, from both sides.
Also safe drops are horrible. They create a total blank for a child, they rescue very few children (an ER is a safe drop anyway) and are just IMO media deflections. You want to reach desperate young mothers, start in the schools, start with doctors and nurses at clinics. Make way more young mother services known and available.
I think there are serious drawbacks to open records, but that overall they are still better than closed records.
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I've seen a lot of the damage from the other side, where adoptions go wrong and closed records contribute HUGELY to that. And from my kids different reactions - every kid has a completely different reaction to open adoption. But individual experience isn't a good place to write policy from. There needs to be more research and a lot more thought about the ethics underlying adoption.
Also - follow the money. The best adoptions I know of have cost very little (domestic and abroad) and the money has been clearly meant for real costs and donations. Follow the money and you'll see what motivates a lot of the adoption industry.
Also: I absolutely support international adoption. After domestic adoption. After kinship adoption. After family support. And with recognition that it has high emotional costs on everyone involved.
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My experience, as well as the other members of my immediate family all are U.S. born and are strangers to the issues you are speaking of.
I pray your efforts meet with their deserved rewards.
Fr. Dn. David
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