Open Records for Adoptees
Isaac is in the process of applying for an Adoption Fellowship at Capital University. For the application process he has to write a brief essay on a current, substantive issue in child welfare or adoption law. After an evening of google searches he decided on the open record debate. This morning he printed off a bunch of articles to read today
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As an adoptee who has never given it an inkling of thought beyond my sincere gratitude that my 'birthparents' made the choice for adoption and not abortion, I have to say that just as I would NOT want to be contacted out of the blue by someone who claimed to be my 'parent'...I imagine that there are parents, who in their struggle to do what they think is right in an extremely short period of time (circa nine months) make a life-altering decision on many fronts probably do not want to have to face that decision twenty years later by surprise. (Yes, I know that it's an atrocius run-on sentence!)
"This doesn't mean a right to contact them, just a right to know who they are"
It's a bit naive to believe that someone would be satisfied to ONLY go so far as to 'know' but not take it further. And as my sister (adopted as well from a different biological family) was subject to the very experience that I mentioned above, I can say resoundingly that my identity is locked into the family that I was adopted by and take no issue with these organizations wanting to keep this information hidden.
After witnessing time & again friends of mine who suffered through the aberration that is "open adoption" I would purposely take up residence in another state that did not allow open adoption were I ever to get the notion to adopt.
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Back to the point at hand, I wish my original birth certificate had in fact been kept MORE secret. You see, being raised in ONE family, with no interruptions, my identity was entirely & totally David Alan Blah blah blah...it was not until my 30th birthday when my mom laughed one day and said, "You would have made a terrible 'Roger'." I had no clue what she was talking about. She then asked, "I never told you?". Nope. "Your birthmom gave you the name Roger, and so that is what was on your original birth certificate."
Life is messy, life is confusing, life has it's ups & downs...these are eternal truths when you have ONE identity...Imagine the pressure one puts on a child to have TWO identities. All open adoption is, is the birth parents wanting to involve themselves in something that they surrendered their right to be involved in.
My MOTHER is the woman who wept in the wee hours of the night when I was hospitalized almost weekly. My MOTHER is the woman who changed my diapers. My FATHER is the man who taught me the worth of our family name. My FATHER is the man who taught me to be a man of integrity and honor. It is not only unfair to the adoptee, but it is far more unfair to the PARENTS of the child, because that is exactly what they are...parents.
Arlie, as you can probably see, an NY Italian family adopted me...as I am passionate and opinionated. Please do not take any of my comments personally this is simply a very personal topic to me. And please know, my parents were very very special and gave their three children (all from different biological families) a most beautiful and wonderful family to be raised up in...I am not naive enough to believe that ALL adoptive parents are the same...and nor are all those giving their children up for adoption looking to butt in on the 'new' parents...so please don't take my broad stroke comments as if I believe that this is all that ever occurs.
Humbly,
Fr. Dn. David
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