Doctor Who: Heartlines
Title: Heartlines
Author: arliddian
Rating: PG
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairing: Ten/Rose
Summary: Her Doctor was waiting in a different universe, and her odyssey could not end until she returned to him.
Word Count: 1703
Author's Note: Written for the spring fix-athon at doctor_rose_fix. Prompted by spicandspan89 with 'Heartlines' by Florence + the Machine; Rose searching for the Doctor in s4
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Don't own it; don't sue me.
Odyssey on odyssey and land over land
Creeping and crawling like the sea over sand
Still I follow the heartlines on your hand
This fantasy, this fallacy, this tumbling stone
Echoes of a city that's long overgrown
Your heart is the only place that I call home
I cannot be returned
Heartlines - Florence + the Machine
Her body was practically humming with a mixture of dread at the approaching darkness, fear of the unknown, and elation at the prospect of seeing him again. It was a heady cocktail that tasted somehow familiar. After all, wasn't this how she always felt, all those years ago, running hand-in-hand with him across the stars?
For two years she had lived half a life in this universe, spending all her time and energy at Torchwood, trying to find a way back to him. Now it was finally within her reach.
The Dimension Cannon crackled, preparing to catapult her across the wall between this world and the next. She stepped forward and braced herself for the shift.
It was strange and alarming - a swift jerk, a violent tug, a sudden silence. She closed her eyes against the brilliant light that swelled up around her on all sides.
But for all of that, for all she knew about the dangers of what she was doing, for all she knew about the terrifying darkness that was threatening to engulf everything - all she felt was alive.
* * * * * * *
The Dimension Cannon always sucked all the sound out of the room before it fired, leaving her in absolute silence as she was catapulted into whatever new universe was waiting for her on the other side.
In those few brief seconds, there was only white light and the sound of her heartbeat thudding in her ears, a sound that folded back on itself and doubled just at the moment when she crossed the barrier between the worlds.
That doubled heartbeat, audible only for a second, became her purest source of comfort. It was an echo of him, a gift to her from within her own body. It was a reminder that her heart no longer belonged just to her. It was a reminder that her home was where that second heartbeat resided - a Time Lord with an infectious grin and a hand that fit perfectly around her own.
Every time she leapt through the crumbling walls of the universe, she knew she was getting a little closer to home.
* * * * * * *
She made mistakes.
At the beginning, she didn't know what she was doing - all she knew was that the stars were winking out and that they needed the Doctor. She needed the Doctor. So she stumbled into unfamiliar universes and felt her way along blindly, without any kind of plan.
She learned the hard way that the wrong word in the wrong place at the wrong time could change everything. After another failed trip, she came back to Pete's World to find that the Cannon had measured a dramatic shift in the causal nexus of the world she had just visited. They traced it back to the moment she had told her name and entire story to that universe's version of Mickey.
They couldn't tell if the change was for the better - it was impossible to understand the readings. She wasn't allowed to return to that universe to check, in case her presence did more damage. It taught her caution, the importance of anonymity and stealth, the need to enter and leave these new worlds as if she was a ghost, leaving no footprints. She became a lonely, nameless wanderer, on a never-ending search for her kindred soul.
As each jump stripped away more of her own personality, she felt herself taking on more of his traits, his mannerisms. It was as though she thought that becoming more like him would draw them together faster, a reversal of the rules of magnetism.
Or maybe it was because he was always a part of her. He was that extra heart that pounded in her ears every time she crossed realities.
* * * * * * *
It wasn't long before she spent all of her time jumping the parallels. No matter how difficult the previous day had been, no matter what she had seen or done, her colleagues would arrive early every morning to find her waiting patiently in the middle of the room, the Cannon and the safety equipment already set up.
The only times she was still were the hours she spent poring over the readings from the Dimension Cannon, long after everyone else had gone home. Over and over again she traced the timelines it measured, searching for meaning as if she were a palm reader uncovering the Doctor's future in the creases of his hands.
The day the Cannon managed to get a reading from the TARDIS, she spent the night at Torchwood, running her fingers over the irregular, looping timeline, a soft smile curving her lips for the first time in days. Here, at last, was a heartline. She knew that she could trust it.
If she had been dedicated before, now she was consumed by her work. Her parents begged her to rest, arguing that she'd work herself to death. She always responded that she could never just stop while the entire universe was at risk. And Jackie would gaze at her with knowing eyes, because she knew that the safety of the universe was only part of the reason why Rose wouldn't stop. She would never stop now, not until she found him. Not until she could go home.
* * * * * * *
Then came a day when she thought her search was over.
The universe was right. She was sure it was right. The Cannon had locked onto the TARDIS and then catapulted her here; how could it not be right? There were no tiny differences in the fabric of this world to tell her otherwise.
She had barely gone five metres when she saw the TARDIS, standing innocuously in a park diagonally across the road from where she stood. Her heart pounded in her ears and she walked faster, resisting the urge to break into a run.
And then there he was - all pinstripes and trainers and gorgeous hair, walking towards that beautiful blue box.
His name was torn from her mouth before she knew what she was doing. He turned, and his entire face lit up in shocked, ecstatic grin that rivalled the brightness of the sun.
As they ran to each other, Rose could feel her empty heart filling with joy with every step. She threw herself into his arms and he lifted her off her feet, spinning them both around until they were dizzy with laughter.
He set her down and her hands slid from his shoulders to his chest, and her blood ran cold. The doubled heartbeat under her fingertips was so familiar it was painful, because it was also wrong. After crossing countless realities, she had learned to trust her instincts.
This is not my Doctor, she thought, just as his lips crashed against hers. And his kiss was what confirmed her suspicions: her Doctor had never been so free with his emotions, no matter how much she had wished differently. Her Doctor had never allowed himself to show how much he might have wanted her.
But as his hands slid to her hips and roughly pulled her closer, as his demanding mouth searched hers with no small amount of desperation - oh, how she wanted to pretend, to believe in this fantasy and cling to this Doctor who she knew deep down didn't belong to her.
Reluctantly, she flattened her palms against his chest and pushed lightly, stepping back to place some distance between them, though his arms remained warm around her body.
One look into his eyes, and she knew that he was aware of the anomaly. He knew that she wasn't his Rose. She was not the girl this man so desperately missed. But it was clear that he, too, wanted to lose himself in this fallacy.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice cracking under the weight of emotion. "I'm so sorry."
An entire universe was contained in his apology, and it broke her own heart to acknowledge that it wasn't one that belonged to her. She blinked and smoothed his collar, glancing down so he wouldn't see the tears gathering in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, too," she said finally. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, one last comfort for them both.
She kissed his cheek and he let her go. For his sake, she tried to smile before she turned and walked away.
She didn't belong here. This was not where she needed to be, no matter how much she wanted to stay. Her Doctor was waiting in a different universe, and her odyssey could not end until she returned to him.
* * * * * * *
When Donna's timeline appeared in the Cannon's readings, Rose knew that this, at last, was the clue she had been waiting for all this time.
The Cannon seemed to think so too: it crackled to life without prompting and pushed her over and over again into an impossible world that had been created around one fiery-tempered woman, a world that by all accounts should never have existed.
After all the frustrations and failures of the past few months, everything finally began to fall in place. She had learned and experienced enough to know what to do to correct Donna's timeline. And in return, that timeline showed her the way to the right universe, the right place, the right time.
With one of Mickey's favourite guns slung over her shoulder, she set the coordinates for what she instinctively knew would be the last time. She said her goodbyes and thanked her team for their tireless efforts. When she stepped forward, her body hummed with anticipation and not a single trace of fear.
The energy from the Cannon sparked around her, and she closed her eyes against its light, losing herself in the sound of her doubled heartbeat.
Follow me, it seemed to say. Follow me and I will lead you home.
This time, it sounded like his.
Fin
Author: arliddian
Rating: PG
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters/Pairing: Ten/Rose
Summary: Her Doctor was waiting in a different universe, and her odyssey could not end until she returned to him.
Word Count: 1703
Author's Note: Written for the spring fix-athon at doctor_rose_fix. Prompted by spicandspan89 with 'Heartlines' by Florence + the Machine; Rose searching for the Doctor in s4
Warnings: None.
Disclaimer: Don't own it; don't sue me.
Odyssey on odyssey and land over land
Creeping and crawling like the sea over sand
Still I follow the heartlines on your hand
This fantasy, this fallacy, this tumbling stone
Echoes of a city that's long overgrown
Your heart is the only place that I call home
I cannot be returned
Heartlines - Florence + the Machine
Her body was practically humming with a mixture of dread at the approaching darkness, fear of the unknown, and elation at the prospect of seeing him again. It was a heady cocktail that tasted somehow familiar. After all, wasn't this how she always felt, all those years ago, running hand-in-hand with him across the stars?
For two years she had lived half a life in this universe, spending all her time and energy at Torchwood, trying to find a way back to him. Now it was finally within her reach.
The Dimension Cannon crackled, preparing to catapult her across the wall between this world and the next. She stepped forward and braced herself for the shift.
It was strange and alarming - a swift jerk, a violent tug, a sudden silence. She closed her eyes against the brilliant light that swelled up around her on all sides.
But for all of that, for all she knew about the dangers of what she was doing, for all she knew about the terrifying darkness that was threatening to engulf everything - all she felt was alive.
* * * * * * *
The Dimension Cannon always sucked all the sound out of the room before it fired, leaving her in absolute silence as she was catapulted into whatever new universe was waiting for her on the other side.
In those few brief seconds, there was only white light and the sound of her heartbeat thudding in her ears, a sound that folded back on itself and doubled just at the moment when she crossed the barrier between the worlds.
That doubled heartbeat, audible only for a second, became her purest source of comfort. It was an echo of him, a gift to her from within her own body. It was a reminder that her heart no longer belonged just to her. It was a reminder that her home was where that second heartbeat resided - a Time Lord with an infectious grin and a hand that fit perfectly around her own.
Every time she leapt through the crumbling walls of the universe, she knew she was getting a little closer to home.
* * * * * * *
She made mistakes.
At the beginning, she didn't know what she was doing - all she knew was that the stars were winking out and that they needed the Doctor. She needed the Doctor. So she stumbled into unfamiliar universes and felt her way along blindly, without any kind of plan.
She learned the hard way that the wrong word in the wrong place at the wrong time could change everything. After another failed trip, she came back to Pete's World to find that the Cannon had measured a dramatic shift in the causal nexus of the world she had just visited. They traced it back to the moment she had told her name and entire story to that universe's version of Mickey.
They couldn't tell if the change was for the better - it was impossible to understand the readings. She wasn't allowed to return to that universe to check, in case her presence did more damage. It taught her caution, the importance of anonymity and stealth, the need to enter and leave these new worlds as if she was a ghost, leaving no footprints. She became a lonely, nameless wanderer, on a never-ending search for her kindred soul.
As each jump stripped away more of her own personality, she felt herself taking on more of his traits, his mannerisms. It was as though she thought that becoming more like him would draw them together faster, a reversal of the rules of magnetism.
Or maybe it was because he was always a part of her. He was that extra heart that pounded in her ears every time she crossed realities.
* * * * * * *
It wasn't long before she spent all of her time jumping the parallels. No matter how difficult the previous day had been, no matter what she had seen or done, her colleagues would arrive early every morning to find her waiting patiently in the middle of the room, the Cannon and the safety equipment already set up.
The only times she was still were the hours she spent poring over the readings from the Dimension Cannon, long after everyone else had gone home. Over and over again she traced the timelines it measured, searching for meaning as if she were a palm reader uncovering the Doctor's future in the creases of his hands.
The day the Cannon managed to get a reading from the TARDIS, she spent the night at Torchwood, running her fingers over the irregular, looping timeline, a soft smile curving her lips for the first time in days. Here, at last, was a heartline. She knew that she could trust it.
If she had been dedicated before, now she was consumed by her work. Her parents begged her to rest, arguing that she'd work herself to death. She always responded that she could never just stop while the entire universe was at risk. And Jackie would gaze at her with knowing eyes, because she knew that the safety of the universe was only part of the reason why Rose wouldn't stop. She would never stop now, not until she found him. Not until she could go home.
* * * * * * *
Then came a day when she thought her search was over.
The universe was right. She was sure it was right. The Cannon had locked onto the TARDIS and then catapulted her here; how could it not be right? There were no tiny differences in the fabric of this world to tell her otherwise.
She had barely gone five metres when she saw the TARDIS, standing innocuously in a park diagonally across the road from where she stood. Her heart pounded in her ears and she walked faster, resisting the urge to break into a run.
And then there he was - all pinstripes and trainers and gorgeous hair, walking towards that beautiful blue box.
His name was torn from her mouth before she knew what she was doing. He turned, and his entire face lit up in shocked, ecstatic grin that rivalled the brightness of the sun.
As they ran to each other, Rose could feel her empty heart filling with joy with every step. She threw herself into his arms and he lifted her off her feet, spinning them both around until they were dizzy with laughter.
He set her down and her hands slid from his shoulders to his chest, and her blood ran cold. The doubled heartbeat under her fingertips was so familiar it was painful, because it was also wrong. After crossing countless realities, she had learned to trust her instincts.
This is not my Doctor, she thought, just as his lips crashed against hers. And his kiss was what confirmed her suspicions: her Doctor had never been so free with his emotions, no matter how much she had wished differently. Her Doctor had never allowed himself to show how much he might have wanted her.
But as his hands slid to her hips and roughly pulled her closer, as his demanding mouth searched hers with no small amount of desperation - oh, how she wanted to pretend, to believe in this fantasy and cling to this Doctor who she knew deep down didn't belong to her.
Reluctantly, she flattened her palms against his chest and pushed lightly, stepping back to place some distance between them, though his arms remained warm around her body.
One look into his eyes, and she knew that he was aware of the anomaly. He knew that she wasn't his Rose. She was not the girl this man so desperately missed. But it was clear that he, too, wanted to lose himself in this fallacy.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice cracking under the weight of emotion. "I'm so sorry."
An entire universe was contained in his apology, and it broke her own heart to acknowledge that it wasn't one that belonged to her. She blinked and smoothed his collar, glancing down so he wouldn't see the tears gathering in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, too," she said finally. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, one last comfort for them both.
She kissed his cheek and he let her go. For his sake, she tried to smile before she turned and walked away.
She didn't belong here. This was not where she needed to be, no matter how much she wanted to stay. Her Doctor was waiting in a different universe, and her odyssey could not end until she returned to him.
* * * * * * *
When Donna's timeline appeared in the Cannon's readings, Rose knew that this, at last, was the clue she had been waiting for all this time.
The Cannon seemed to think so too: it crackled to life without prompting and pushed her over and over again into an impossible world that had been created around one fiery-tempered woman, a world that by all accounts should never have existed.
After all the frustrations and failures of the past few months, everything finally began to fall in place. She had learned and experienced enough to know what to do to correct Donna's timeline. And in return, that timeline showed her the way to the right universe, the right place, the right time.
With one of Mickey's favourite guns slung over her shoulder, she set the coordinates for what she instinctively knew would be the last time. She said her goodbyes and thanked her team for their tireless efforts. When she stepped forward, her body hummed with anticipation and not a single trace of fear.
The energy from the Cannon sparked around her, and she closed her eyes against its light, losing herself in the sound of her doubled heartbeat.
Follow me, it seemed to say. Follow me and I will lead you home.
This time, it sounded like his.
Fin