How to be Nice to a Cat
1. When it meows at you, meow back.
Make sure to produce an almost identical meow. This may seem rude to you. You would not like for somebody to repeat things back to you exactly the same way you said them, matching your inflection, but you are not a cat. Also, it's probably not exactly the same, anyway, unless you're that guy from Police Academy. (I think your name was Dana Carvey.) Also, it probably doesn't mean anything. Also, if it does, it is much safer to agree with somebody than it is to say something random that might be offensive.
2. Let it watch you pee.
When it comes running into the bathroom after you, it is because it wants to watch you pee. Do not close the door as much as you can before it comes running then stick your foot in the door and gently push it back. That is rude. If it meows while you are peeing, it is still correct to meow back. (Note: If it is number two, do close the door as much as you can before it comes running then stick your foot in the door and gently push it back. It does not know that you want to go number two, and you will not be able to open the door when it wants to leave. It will probably meow at you when you push it out the door. This is the one time when it is probably not OK to produce an almost identical meow as, I can assure you, whatever it said, it was mean.)
3. If it is that one eyed cat at your work and it sits on your chair while you have walked to the printer, do not kick it off your chair when you can simply switch chairs with the empty desk next to you.
It's true. There is totally a one eyed cat at my work. It is very cute and I don't know what its name is. Do not let this cat watch you pee. You're too new at the job and you don't know if the owner lets it watch her pee.
4. Feed it.
Feed it anything it wants. If it gets sick, it will not remember that you gave it the food, but will somehow remember not to want to eat it the next time you eat it.
5. Leave your room a total mess.
It likes to explore, and it is too dainty to go outside.
6. Rub its face in circles.
Alyssa told you she read this in a book. It doesn't seem to work at first, because the cat is scared to let you touch its face, but once it realizes what you're doing, it will love you forever. The Cat That Looks Like JamAlyssa's Cat The Cosby Show also likes it when you rub its jaw. It did not know about the circles at first, but it especially likes the circles on its jaw.
Feel free to update this list as you see fit.
Make sure to produce an almost identical meow. This may seem rude to you. You would not like for somebody to repeat things back to you exactly the same way you said them, matching your inflection, but you are not a cat. Also, it's probably not exactly the same, anyway, unless you're that guy from Police Academy. (I think your name was Dana Carvey.) Also, it probably doesn't mean anything. Also, if it does, it is much safer to agree with somebody than it is to say something random that might be offensive.
2. Let it watch you pee.
When it comes running into the bathroom after you, it is because it wants to watch you pee. Do not close the door as much as you can before it comes running then stick your foot in the door and gently push it back. That is rude. If it meows while you are peeing, it is still correct to meow back. (Note: If it is number two, do close the door as much as you can before it comes running then stick your foot in the door and gently push it back. It does not know that you want to go number two, and you will not be able to open the door when it wants to leave. It will probably meow at you when you push it out the door. This is the one time when it is probably not OK to produce an almost identical meow as, I can assure you, whatever it said, it was mean.)
3. If it is that one eyed cat at your work and it sits on your chair while you have walked to the printer, do not kick it off your chair when you can simply switch chairs with the empty desk next to you.
It's true. There is totally a one eyed cat at my work. It is very cute and I don't know what its name is. Do not let this cat watch you pee. You're too new at the job and you don't know if the owner lets it watch her pee.
4. Feed it.
Feed it anything it wants. If it gets sick, it will not remember that you gave it the food, but will somehow remember not to want to eat it the next time you eat it.
5. Leave your room a total mess.
It likes to explore, and it is too dainty to go outside.
6. Rub its face in circles.
Alyssa told you she read this in a book. It doesn't seem to work at first, because the cat is scared to let you touch its face, but once it realizes what you're doing, it will love you forever. The Cat That Looks Like JamAlyssa's Cat The Cosby Show also likes it when you rub its jaw. It did not know about the circles at first, but it especially likes the circles on its jaw.
Feel free to update this list as you see fit.