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[arku]

So who wants to write my Modern Hinduism final for me? Because it just isn't working.

It is so complicated. Why do these historical figures have to be real people, it is so much easier when they are two-dimensional....

*sigh*

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A Well Thought-Out Hindluism Paper, Part I

[shadydave]

A COMPLETELY ACCURATE BRIEF HISTORY OF INDIA

Once upon a time, Aryans ruled the world. These were not crazy German Aryans, but the original Aryans. Although they did probably take over the Dravidians, so they might have acted like Nazis anyways, I don't know. Anyways, the Aryans spoke Sanskrit, which is a lot like Proto-Indo-European, and since the initials spell PIE this was clearly the best language in the world. For example, if you wanted to count, you could say "ainaz, twa, thrijiz!" How cool is that?

Anyways, it can clearly be established that the Aryans were the COOLEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD and invented all the PIE-languages and Buddhism, which as everyone knows is loads better than Christianity because it was not corrupted by Evil Jewish Conspiracies (TM Nietszche: which happened because every single Jew ever is an impotent priest. Probably even the women, except they don't count because women are naturally inferior to men). Also, the rituals involving sacrificing the king and bringing him back to life to restore fertility to the land became the Holy Grail, allowing for The Da Vinci Code to be written to expose the VAST EVIL (Jewish?) CONSPIRACY of those DIABOLIC PAPISTS, the Roman Catholic Church, who wanted conceal the fact that Jesus (who was Buddhist, but also an impotent Jewish priest, and also probably ugly and thus defective) was married to Mary Magdalene and miraculously (since he was impotent) produced the French, who should rule the world if no better Aryan alternatives are found.