Off the Wall
The big news today is that the BBC's children's channel is getting creative with nursery rhymes. It seems one of their programmes gave the Humpty Dumpty story a happier ending, ensuring that all the king's horses and all the king's men really did put Humpty back together again.
Naturally, the BBC's reworking of the Humpty Dumpty rhyme has generated outrage.
"Tom Harris, the MP for Glasgow South, claimed there was a trend of CBeebies giving its young viewers a more sanitised version of the world. In a recent episode of the CBeebies cookery show Big Cook Little Cook, the tale of Little Miss Muffet ended with the girl befriending the spider, rather than running away in fright. Mr Harris added: "This is what happens when adults try to make these kinds of judgements."
But, in the spirit of political correctness, the Independent on Sunday newspaper has suggested some more new takes on old favourites.
* Seesaw Margery Daw, Johnny shall have a new master. He shall earn the minimum wage, because the Labour government made it legally binding.
* Rock a bye baby on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will be safe because the tree has undergone a health and safety assessment.
* Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggie a bone. When she got there, the cupboard was full because she just had a delivery from Ocado.
* London Bridge is undergoing planned engineering works. Please wait for further announcements.
* Three visually impaired mice, three visually impaired mice. See how they run, see how they run. They all ran after the farmer's wife, who handed them over to the RSPCA.
* Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep - but she knows how to find them because she has satnav.
Naturally, the BBC's reworking of the Humpty Dumpty rhyme has generated outrage.
"Tom Harris, the MP for Glasgow South, claimed there was a trend of CBeebies giving its young viewers a more sanitised version of the world. In a recent episode of the CBeebies cookery show Big Cook Little Cook, the tale of Little Miss Muffet ended with the girl befriending the spider, rather than running away in fright. Mr Harris added: "This is what happens when adults try to make these kinds of judgements."
But, in the spirit of political correctness, the Independent on Sunday newspaper has suggested some more new takes on old favourites.
* Seesaw Margery Daw, Johnny shall have a new master. He shall earn the minimum wage, because the Labour government made it legally binding.
* Rock a bye baby on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will be safe because the tree has undergone a health and safety assessment.
* Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor doggie a bone. When she got there, the cupboard was full because she just had a delivery from Ocado.
* London Bridge is undergoing planned engineering works. Please wait for further announcements.
* Three visually impaired mice, three visually impaired mice. See how they run, see how they run. They all ran after the farmer's wife, who handed them over to the RSPCA.
* Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep - but she knows how to find them because she has satnav.