The Kiss of Death
When Charlie Brooker sets up his rocket launchers, mediocre telly types better run for cover. This week, The Guardian columnist has been turning his 50-gazillion-degree blowtorch on Channel Five's new magazine programme, Live From Studio Five. Television executives of a nervous disposition may wish to look away now:
Yes, here is a TV show that makes any and all previous accusations of "dumbing down" seem like misplaced phoney-war hysteria. A show providing less mental nourishment than a baby's rattle. A show with a running order Heat magazine would consider frighteningly lightweight. A show which, incredibly, boasts Melinda Messenger as its intellectual touchstone. A show dumber than a blank screen and a low hum. Anyone who willingly tunes in to watch this really ought to be forced to work in the middle of a field for the rest of their life, well away from any technological devices (such as motor vehicles or microwave ovens) with which they might inadvertently cause harm to others.
In short: this is quite a stupid programme. It's hosted by Messenger, Ian Wright and Kate "The Apprentice" Walsh. Inoffensive in isolation, once combined they demonstrate the sort of chemistry that could close down a public swimming pool for 25 years. For one thing, they all stare and smile down the lens throughout, as though they've been asked to imagine the viewer is a backward child at a birthday party. Kate in particular grins like a woman being paid per square inch of revealed dentistry.
I haven't seen the programme yet, but when the format was announced, I feared the worst. Looks like the final nail is being hammered into the show's coffin only moments after it left the womb.
Yes, here is a TV show that makes any and all previous accusations of "dumbing down" seem like misplaced phoney-war hysteria. A show providing less mental nourishment than a baby's rattle. A show with a running order Heat magazine would consider frighteningly lightweight. A show which, incredibly, boasts Melinda Messenger as its intellectual touchstone. A show dumber than a blank screen and a low hum. Anyone who willingly tunes in to watch this really ought to be forced to work in the middle of a field for the rest of their life, well away from any technological devices (such as motor vehicles or microwave ovens) with which they might inadvertently cause harm to others.
In short: this is quite a stupid programme. It's hosted by Messenger, Ian Wright and Kate "The Apprentice" Walsh. Inoffensive in isolation, once combined they demonstrate the sort of chemistry that could close down a public swimming pool for 25 years. For one thing, they all stare and smile down the lens throughout, as though they've been asked to imagine the viewer is a backward child at a birthday party. Kate in particular grins like a woman being paid per square inch of revealed dentistry.
I haven't seen the programme yet, but when the format was announced, I feared the worst. Looks like the final nail is being hammered into the show's coffin only moments after it left the womb.