Uneasy Lies the Head that Wears the Crown
“One of the most notorious examples of the political dangers of reproductive failure came with the accession to the Spanish throne of Carlos II in 1665. The product of a union between the Spanish king and his own niece, Marina, daughter of the Holy Roman Emperor, Carlos was a catastrophic example of trying to keep the bloodline pure. His enormous, misshapen head looked as if he had been hit by a sledgehammer. His jaw protruded so far that his teeth did not meet and he was unable to chew. His tongue was so large that he could hardly speak coherently. He was wet nursed until the age of five or six, by which time he had inherited the throne. Afflicted by suppurating blisters, diseased bones and fits, Carlos was not a particularly beguiling marriage prospect, even for the most passionate day-dreamer. A victim was found in Marie Louise of Orleans, who soon discovered that among his other disabilities, Carlos was unable to reproduce, probably due to premature ejaculation (although examination of his underwear by doctors procured by the French ambassador failed to come to any very definite conclusion on this). Marie Louise took refuge in eating and drinking, and expired. A second marriage was then contracted, with the bride this time exorcized, to promote her fertility. But again, Carlos failed to produce an heir. His fits became worse. His hair and teeth fell out, despite the frenetic efforts of court doctors applying freshly killed pigeons to his head and the entrails of animals to his stomach. Finally, lame, epileptic and partially deaf, he died. His death without an heir triggered the War of the Spanish Succession, which gave the throne to the Bourbons.”
Paxman also recounts personal encounters with the royals. At one Buckingham Palace reception for journalists, he decided to go up to Her Majesty and engage her in conversation. At the last second, his nerve failed him and he beat a hasty retreat. Royalty, it seems, can even intimidate rottweilers.