So I figured something out
I put a LOT of pressure on me and my lady love this weekend to make it out to the S4 event. I did that to see our friends since we never get to see them in any other situation. I was even willing to work the event to see them. Now how fucked up is that? That I feel the need to WORK an event to get the privilege to see some of our friends. They never seem interested in inviting us to anything they may be throwing, any parties they may be having. I'm tired of having to pay or work to see "friends". This isn't everyone, of course, but a good bit. It seems that we are only at parties if they form around us, or we are present when they are being planned, and it'd be too rude not to invite us (and even then that doesn't get done all the time). And I am done feeling like I have to push myself to the breaking point to do things for my "friends" just so they may invite us to their parties, etc. What's worse is when I do pay or work to see them, it's always "Oh, we need to hang out!" or "Let's get together for dinner, give us your contact info, we'll call/email you." Then, nothing. And again, this isn't everyone. There are a number of people that are true friends that we just haven't had a chance to get together with. But I'm tired of feeling shut out because I haven't had training in the right society or with the right people, or played with the right people, or fucked the right people. The elitism shown has even left me afraid to ask people for training in aspects of things (spiritual, BDSM, etc) that I want to learn. And that's a fucked up situation, and I can't have that level of stress in my life right now. So I'm walking away from that sort of shit. Like Pilate, I'm going to wash my hands of that and stick with the people who I like, and who like me for me, not what I can do.