more to are spat
allenbud: you were
Mary O'Malley: and that's why I fought so hard...and that's why I'm fighting so hard now. Because, the truth is...I don't want you happy without me....because I don't know if you can be.
Mary O'Malley: and I don't know if I can be happy, knowing you're not happy/.
Mary O'Malley: Does that make sense?
allenbud: i can be happy
Mary O'Malley: I don't want to believe it though, Allen....
allenbud: i found some one who can do that for me
Mary O'Malley: not me.
allenbud: eyah not you
Mary O'Malley: Probably dawn or Ashlet.
Mary O'Malley: Or fucking that one chick
allenbud: no
Mary O'Malley: Stacie
allenbud: none of them
Mary O'Malley: yea it's stacy
Mary O'Malley: then who?
Mary O'Malley: God?
allenbud: some one brand new
allenbud: thats one
allenbud: god is one
Mary O'Malley: god is nothing allen, if there was one, I wouldn't be losing you
Mary O'Malley: if there was a god, you wouldn't be out of my life.
Mary O'Malley: because you know what?
Mary O'Malley: You were the ONE Thing I had left aside from "him."
Mary O'Malley: the one thing that could bring me back.
allenbud: not with justing there
Mary O'Malley: back to knowing who the fuck I was.
Mary O'Malley: justin could NEVER show me who I am, like you can allen.
Mary O'Malley: but you dont get that.
allenbud: and her name is crystal
Mary O'Malley: and I was a stupid mistake.
Mary O'Malley: just like everyone else you fucking dated.
allenbud: i dont make stupid mistakes
Mary O'Malley: I'm some stupid whore that you cna't wait to get rid of because I'm nothing, and I never was.
Mary O'Malley: right?
Mary O'Malley: I'm just some stupid fucking whore...
Mary O'Malley: it fucking figures...
Mary O'Malley: goodbye.
Mary O'Malley: I'm tired of feeling like trash to the world.
Mary O'Malley: I'm everybody's fucking mistake.
Mary O'Malley: soon, I'll be justin's mistake.
Mary O'Malley: I mean, shit, I was already my parents.
allenbud: no you wont
Mary O'Malley: yes I will allen
Mary O'Malley: you know why?
allenbud: why
Mary O'Malley: BECAUSE I WANT YOU
allenbud: no you dont
Mary O'Malley: then why the hell am I trying so god damned hard?
Mary O'Malley: why do I keep telling Justin I don't want to love him?
allenbud: becasue you dont want to see me happy with out you
Mary O'Malley: can I call yo uagain, please? I need to talk to you, not type at you.
Mary O'Malley: I'm begging, please.
allenbud: none of my phones work right now
Mary O'Malley: allen, listen to me please.
allenbud: im listening
Mary O'Malley: last night, I wanted you to touch me. because I feel safe behind your touch. I know that when you love me, you love me as a woman..not as something else. I can't love justin the way he loves me...it doesn't make sense to me, the way you loved me did.
Mary O'Malley: but you wouldn't get that, would you? Because, according to you, I never loved you...but in reality, I didn't ever know how to show you
allenbud: then why did you run away
Mary O'Malley: because I was fucking scared
Mary O'Malley: like I still am.
allenbud: then come back to me
Mary O'Malley: you keep pushing me away allen.
Mary O'Malley: every time I try...
allenbud: and ill take that fear away
Mary O'Malley: you push
allenbud: i dont want to be around you when you are with himn
Mary O'Malley: I'm not with him allen.
Mary O'Malley: not to me, I'm not.
Mary O'Malley: I'm old fashioned, and I'm not with a person unless they ask.
allenbud: not with words but you are
allenbud: then back away from him
Mary O'Malley: god, I wish your phones worked.
allenbud: they are both dead
Mary O'Malley: how do I back away from something that I'm being pushed to?
allenbud: because you want to be
Mary O'Malley: you tell me to back away, but I do..and you push me right back allen.
allenbud: you start going right back to him when you start coming back to me
Mary O'Malley: here's my analagy...you two are at a tugawar match, and I'm the prize. I don't want to feel this way, but I do.
allenbud: every time you start to come back to me you run back to him and im tired of it and thats why i push you that way
Mary O'Malley: It's like...no matter what, I'm not good enough for either one of you...because you want more.
Mary O'Malley: and he wants more.
Mary O'Malley: you both wnat more than what I can give you, Allen...does that even occur to you?
allenbud: yes
Mary O'Malley: does it occur to him? I don't know..
allenbud: thats why i push you away so you dot have to give to me any more
Mary O'Malley: Allen, I want to give to you though. Because, I feel I have more to give. But you have to let me.
Mary O'Malley: I could give Justin the world, and it wouldn't be enough.
Mary O'Malley: because, he doens't know who he is.
allenbud: i dont want you to because i dont want to be tuging on you
Mary O'Malley: Allen...
Mary O'Malley: may I ask you of a favor?
allenbud: maybe
Mary O'Malley: this is for all parties sakes.
Mary O'Malley: Why don't you and I seperate for the vacation (school 2 weeks) and then try talking again then?
allenbud: no
allenbud: forever
Mary O'Malley: If I haven't made a decision by then, I will let you go completely forever.
Mary O'Malley: Allen, this is the only way I can do this.
allenbud: fine
Mary O'Malley: If I don't decide, then I let you go forever.
Mary O'Malley: deal? *puts out hand to shake*
allenbud: first
Mary O'Malley: what?
allenbud: if you do decide on him you have to let me go then also
Mary O'Malley: That's what I was saying. If I decide on him, I let you go forever.
Mary O'Malley: If I decide you, I lose him forever...and I understand that.
allenbud: and if you decide upon me you must set boundries
and if you dont you lose me
Mary O'Malley: this decision....sad to say, is the one that basis the rest of my life.
allenbud: and if you cant decide you lose me
allenbud: yes it is
Mary O'Malley: So, 2 weeks. correct?
allenbud: new years eve
Mary O'Malley: okay...why that day?
allenbud: you will come up and tell me what you have choosen
Mary O'Malley: how am I going to ge tthere?
allenbud: because the new year will be your new life
allenbud: grand mother
allenbud: grand father
allenbud: walking
allenbud: i dont work that day ill be here all day
Mary O'Malley: okay.
Mary O'Malley: I have to go to bed.
Mary O'Malley: okay?
Mary O'Malley: night.
allenbud: so do i
allenbud: good night
Mary O'Malley: I do love you, remember that always
allenbud: not untill your desision is made
Mary O'Malley: okay.
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Mary O'Malley: and that's why I fought so hard...and that's why I'm fighting so hard now. Because, the truth is...I don't want you happy without me....because I don't know if you can be.
Mary O'Malley: and I don't know if I can be happy, knowing you're not happy/.
Mary O'Malley: Does that make sense?
allenbud: i can be happy
Mary O'Malley: I don't want to believe it though, Allen....
allenbud: i found some one who can do that for me
Mary O'Malley: not me.
allenbud: eyah not you
Mary O'Malley: Probably dawn or Ashlet.
Mary O'Malley: Or fucking that one chick
allenbud: no
Mary O'Malley: Stacie
allenbud: none of them
Mary O'Malley: yea it's stacy
Mary O'Malley: then who?
Mary O'Malley: God?
allenbud: some one brand new
allenbud: thats one
allenbud: god is one
Mary O'Malley: god is nothing allen, if there was one, I wouldn't be losing you
Mary O'Malley: if there was a god, you wouldn't be out of my life.
Mary O'Malley: because you know what?
Mary O'Malley: You were the ONE Thing I had left aside from "him."
Mary O'Malley: the one thing that could bring me back.
allenbud: not with justing there
Mary O'Malley: back to knowing who the fuck I was.
Mary O'Malley: justin could NEVER show me who I am, like you can allen.
Mary O'Malley: but you dont get that.
allenbud: and her name is crystal
Mary O'Malley: and I was a stupid mistake.
Mary O'Malley: just like everyone else you fucking dated.
allenbud: i dont make stupid mistakes
Mary O'Malley: I'm some stupid whore that you cna't wait to get rid of because I'm nothing, and I never was.
Mary O'Malley: right?
Mary O'Malley: I'm just some stupid fucking whore...
Mary O'Malley: it fucking figures...
Mary O'Malley: goodbye.
Mary O'Malley: I'm tired of feeling like trash to the world.
Mary O'Malley: I'm everybody's fucking mistake.
Mary O'Malley: soon, I'll be justin's mistake.
Mary O'Malley: I mean, shit, I was already my parents.
allenbud: no you wont
Mary O'Malley: yes I will allen
Mary O'Malley: you know why?
allenbud: why
Mary O'Malley: BECAUSE I WANT YOU
allenbud: no you dont
Mary O'Malley: then why the hell am I trying so god damned hard?
Mary O'Malley: why do I keep telling Justin I don't want to love him?
allenbud: becasue you dont want to see me happy with out you
Mary O'Malley: can I call yo uagain, please? I need to talk to you, not type at you.
Mary O'Malley: I'm begging, please.
allenbud: none of my phones work right now
Mary O'Malley: allen, listen to me please.
allenbud: im listening
Mary O'Malley: last night, I wanted you to touch me. because I feel safe behind your touch. I know that when you love me, you love me as a woman..not as something else. I can't love justin the way he loves me...it doesn't make sense to me, the way you loved me did.
Mary O'Malley: but you wouldn't get that, would you? Because, according to you, I never loved you...but in reality, I didn't ever know how to show you
allenbud: then why did you run away
Mary O'Malley: because I was fucking scared
Mary O'Malley: like I still am.
allenbud: then come back to me
Mary O'Malley: you keep pushing me away allen.
Mary O'Malley: every time I try...
allenbud: and ill take that fear away
Mary O'Malley: you push
allenbud: i dont want to be around you when you are with himn
Mary O'Malley: I'm not with him allen.
Mary O'Malley: not to me, I'm not.
Mary O'Malley: I'm old fashioned, and I'm not with a person unless they ask.
allenbud: not with words but you are
allenbud: then back away from him
Mary O'Malley: god, I wish your phones worked.
allenbud: they are both dead
Mary O'Malley: how do I back away from something that I'm being pushed to?
allenbud: because you want to be
Mary O'Malley: you tell me to back away, but I do..and you push me right back allen.
allenbud: you start going right back to him when you start coming back to me
Mary O'Malley: here's my analagy...you two are at a tugawar match, and I'm the prize. I don't want to feel this way, but I do.
allenbud: every time you start to come back to me you run back to him and im tired of it and thats why i push you that way
Mary O'Malley: It's like...no matter what, I'm not good enough for either one of you...because you want more.
Mary O'Malley: and he wants more.
Mary O'Malley: you both wnat more than what I can give you, Allen...does that even occur to you?
allenbud: yes
Mary O'Malley: does it occur to him? I don't know..
allenbud: thats why i push you away so you dot have to give to me any more
Mary O'Malley: Allen, I want to give to you though. Because, I feel I have more to give. But you have to let me.
Mary O'Malley: I could give Justin the world, and it wouldn't be enough.
Mary O'Malley: because, he doens't know who he is.
allenbud: i dont want you to because i dont want to be tuging on you
Mary O'Malley: Allen...
Mary O'Malley: may I ask you of a favor?
allenbud: maybe
Mary O'Malley: this is for all parties sakes.
Mary O'Malley: Why don't you and I seperate for the vacation (school 2 weeks) and then try talking again then?
allenbud: no
allenbud: forever
Mary O'Malley: If I haven't made a decision by then, I will let you go completely forever.
Mary O'Malley: Allen, this is the only way I can do this.
allenbud: fine
Mary O'Malley: If I don't decide, then I let you go forever.
Mary O'Malley: deal? *puts out hand to shake*
allenbud: first
Mary O'Malley: what?
allenbud: if you do decide on him you have to let me go then also
Mary O'Malley: That's what I was saying. If I decide on him, I let you go forever.
Mary O'Malley: If I decide you, I lose him forever...and I understand that.
allenbud: and if you decide upon me you must set boundries
and if you dont you lose me
Mary O'Malley: this decision....sad to say, is the one that basis the rest of my life.
allenbud: and if you cant decide you lose me
allenbud: yes it is
Mary O'Malley: So, 2 weeks. correct?
allenbud: new years eve
Mary O'Malley: okay...why that day?
allenbud: you will come up and tell me what you have choosen
Mary O'Malley: how am I going to ge tthere?
allenbud: because the new year will be your new life
allenbud: grand mother
allenbud: grand father
allenbud: walking
allenbud: i dont work that day ill be here all day
Mary O'Malley: okay.
Mary O'Malley: I have to go to bed.
Mary O'Malley: okay?
Mary O'Malley: night.
allenbud: so do i
allenbud: good night
Mary O'Malley: I do love you, remember that always
allenbud: not untill your desision is made
Mary O'Malley: okay.
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