falling asleep during sex will net you nothing but misery in the morning
She was passion and legs and when she caught me watching her, she was lips as well. (Quietly Bleeding)
fuckfuckfuck. I'm furious with myself right now, for wimping out last night (this morning, really) and going to sleep when my half-written story was trying to write itself. It was doing a wonderful job of it and I shut it down and now it's getting back at me by refusing to cooperate whatsoever. And it had so much potential. That's what I get for falling asleep on my muse.
I figure I might as well write here to at least slightly satisfy my daily goals.
So what did I do today? Woke up at 5pm. Naughty naughty girl. I went to sleep at 6am so I'm not sure how I managed to wake up at that time, but there you go. I ate. Showered. Played outside with Dan and the cats. Belle, their kitty friend from the house behind ours, made an appearance. It's very cute to see the four of them play together, though Whisper, my oldest cat, prefers to observe the proceedings rather than join them.
Thinking back now, I really didn't do much today and I'm baffled as to where the time has gone. Didn't spend too much time with the cats or my boyfriend, barely saw my mother at all, barely left my bedroom, really. So what did I do? Read things online, things I fail to remember now. That's just not good at all. If I'm reading I should be absorbing information, but if I can't remember what I was reading five hours ago, I can hardly be said to have absorbed it now, can I?
For the last five hours or so I've been trying to finish the story I started last night (I am a bad girl and started a new one instead of finishing the three or so newish ones I've begun recently). I got 1400 words written down on that story last night (Quietly Bleeding is the working title) and was really loving where it was going. I haven't had a story write itself so easily in a very long time, the words were flowing and the voice was distinct and the images were beautiful and sad. I was extremely excited to see the conclusion but was really sleepy after getting those 1400 words down so I decided to finish it today. Big mistake. The voice I was writing in that I so loved is not around today. It was haunting and full of self-reflection, today all I can write is dull, crude, simple sentences, I can't even get the tenses right. I'm broken. It's making me very sad. I'm sure the voice will come back in coming days but I was really hoping to edit and submit this story in the next few days (and most of all I just wanted to see how it ended). So I'm pretty disappointed, not just in my inability to finish this story today but in the complete lack of wordage I managed to write. I mostly sat here and stared at the page in distress, I wrote and deleted about a thousand sentences, then I browsed stories to try and get back in the head of a writer, and then I ended up randomly reading websites that were taking submissions and planning for those. Grr, grr and more grr.
I blame the fact that I haven't been eating well the past few days. We all need a scapegoat. My nutrition levels can be mine. More fruits and vegetables for me, please and thank you. And maybe a spot of tea. And it would probably be highly beneficial to be taken out for sushi in the near future. Oh, I'm feeling better already :)
Anyway I really needed to RANT and VENT and no one who might care at least an iota was around for me to whine to, so I guess it's good I have this little bloggy thing now. PREPARE FOR AN ENDLESS ONSLAUGHT OF RAGE AND TEARS. Journal, I shall pray for your non-existent soul.
To sum up:
Dear Me,
Please be sure not to pussy out and go to sleep when your muse is cramming wonderfulness down your throat and into your fingertips. And don't forget to feed her balanced meals. If either of these conditions are voided, you are subject to a hideous form of writer's block and will be mentally beaten up.
Sincerely,
Me